Jurassic Puke (Jurassic Park Movie Review)

Dinosaurs, Jeff Goldblum AND Laura Dern? This week Kat and Ryley watch and review Ryley's childhood fav, Jurassic Park!

Review Overview: For Ryley, this is movie is one of her all-time favorites. She watched it as a kid and has a lot of nostalgia for it. It did a lot for special effects and Spielberg. The CGI is still impressive.
For Kat, this movie is fun, but she watched it for the first time at 22. The child-like magic wasn't there for her, but it was still entertaining. Special effects aren't as significant to her, so that didn't factor in.
Goldblum is iconic, but he was the weak link in this cast (Goldblum being Goldblum is enough to overlook this, though). This movie did a lot for the industry and is a childhood classic for many people. Outside of the nostalgia had for it, it is a well-made adventure film that keeps you entertained.
Ryley: 10/10
Kat: 5/10

kat 0:11

Hello, and welcome to Easy Bake Takes the Podcast, the podcast or we read the one star reviews of your favorite movies and more. I'm Kat.

ryley 0:19

and I'm Ryley.

kat 0:20

Ryley. What did we watch?

ryley 0:22

One of my favorites, Jurassic Park, the original from 1993.

kat 0:26

Before this, I had never actually seen any more than the first 10 minutes of this movie.

ryley 0:31

I could have sworn we watch this together.

kat 0:32

I've seen like bits and pieces. Like I recognize some clips from it from my taking a whole class on Steven Spielberg

ryley 0:39

From that fact alone without you've seen this movie, but you watched it all the way through.

kat 0:43

Yeah, of course, duh.

ryley 0:45

Okay.

kat 0:45

no, I only watched the first 10 minutes. And I just guessed for the rest.

ryley 0:49

Keep with what you know,

kat 0:50

Yes. I don't want to spoil the movie for myself. But that's it. That's exactly how I was with I still haven't seen the Goonies. I refuse to watch it at this point. It's been too long. But I remember breaking the news to you that I had never actually seen it.

ryley 1:01

I think you lied to me for many years saying you did.

kat 1:04

You've done the same thing right back to me. So it's fine.

ryley 1:07

I have. I can't think of the movies of what have lied about.

kat 1:10

It just saves the whole like you haven't seen, you know,

ryley 1:14

Yeah.

kat 1:14

those conversations, it saves time for both of us.

ryley 1:17

It does. And also like, maybe I don't want to really watch it right now or in the near future. So that's gonna keep it from happening.

kat 1:25

There are so many things that I just refuse to watch at this point, solely because people have the 'Oh, you haven't seen that' reaction every time. Okay, now I'm never watching it.

ryley 1:34

I have the mentality of 'Oh, yes, I'll watch that one day, but I don't want to watch it right now.' I never want to watch anything new ever. We can be going to the movie theaters and I'd be like, I don't want to see this now. Not because I think it's gonna be bad. I just don't like anything new.

kat 1:48

I don't I don't want to experience anything new. I feel like we're like-

ryley 1:52

I like the things I like and that's how it is.

kat 1:54

We're like 70 year old men. You know, we're not interested in expanding any of our knowledge.

ryley 2:00

I l ike three things and that's how it's gonna stay.

kat 2:03

No, I'm the same way. Background info?

ryley 2:04

Background info. This is the original Jurassic Park that came out in 1993. This movie is rate PG 13 which

kat 2:12

The ratings were a lot different.

ryley 2:14

It tracks there's it's not very gory.

kat 2:17

No. The blood doesn't look real either.

ryley 2:18

It doesn't. It's PG 13. It's two hours and seven minutes. It costs about 63 million to make. Today it has made over $1 billion. So you can say it did fairly well.

kat 2:30

I would say so. Yeah. Got a lot of merchandising rights.

ryley 2:32

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

kat 2:34

A handful of sequels

ryley 2:35

six I think if I'm tracking right, there's a new one coming out. So I don't know I don't know if that's the sixth or seventh or.

kat 2:40

I've never seen the Jurassic Park sequels. And I've only ever seen Jurassic World before seeing this. I had never watched Jurassic Park. I had only ever seen the first Jurassic World.

ryley 2:50

That makes me so angry.

kat 2:51

I saw it with you though. I saw it on your birthday with you.

ryley 2:54

Oh, yeah, we did. Because I do remember seeing that in theaters. So I've seen the original franchise, one, two and three. And I did see Jurassic World. Definitely. So the storyline huge advancements in scientific technology have enabled a mogul to create an island full of living dinosaurs. John Hammond has invited four individuals, along with his two grandchildren to join him at Jurassic Park. But will everything go according to plan? A park employee tends to steal dinosaur embryos, critical security systems are shut down and it now becomes a race for survival with dinosaurs roaming freely over the island.

kat 3:31

The guy that plays the employees from Seinfeld, right?

ryley 3:34

Yeah, it's Newman. This is a course directed by Steven Spielberg.

kat 3:38

Steve!

ryley 3:40

The writers are Michael Crichton. He wrote the novel, which I did actually read when I was a kid. And then David Koch. He wrote the screenplay. It stars Sam Neill, Laura Dern

kat 3:51

Laura Dern Laura Dern Laura Dern Laura Dern

ryley 3:52

Laura Dern. Laura Derm. She's awesome. Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Bob Peck, Martin Ferrero and then BD Wong.

kat 4:00

That guy I'm pretty sure it's from- No, I I know he's from law and order SVU he's the psychiatrist.

ryley 4:06

He plays a small part in this movie. I think his character is bigger in the book. And then I have trivia this movie and the book generates so much interest in dinosaurs that the study of paleontology has had a record increase in students. The Tyrannosaurus' roar was a combination of dog, Penguin, tiger, alligator and elephant sounds. The T. Rex like robot it occasionally malfunction due to like all the rain that was happening so the T. Rex would like go off they will be having lunch and also the T. Rex would be going off and you just hear screams throughout the set.

kat 4:40

Spielberg does not have good luck with mechanical animals, evident in Jaws.

ryley 4:45

No, there were three sharks and they all sucked. So there was an actual hurricane that hit them. The cast and crew were all required to move into the ballroom but Richard Attenborough, he stayed in his hotel room and slept through the entire event. When asked how he could possibly have done this, Attenborough replied, "My dear boy, I survived the Blitz." Which I don't know what that is.

kat 5:06

Was he was he a veteran?

ryley 5:07

He might be.

kat 5:08

Because maybe he's talking about the German Blitz.

ryley 5:10

Oh, well that tracks. I mean, I would I feel like you would at that point you would also sleep at it through a hurricane so I thought that was pretty funny. And it sounds like a line he would have said in the movie. I guess it's just how he talked.

kat 5:22

Yeah.

ryley 5:23

Here's some goofs. In the embryo freezing chamber, Tyrannosaurus rex is spelled with only one 'n' instead of two. And also stegosaurs is spelled- it's just spelled wrong. There is one, so like the set is weird because like the car shows it like you know, there's the fence and then the T. Rex side of the fence where the T Rex lives. And then remember there's like a cliff, all of a sudden? Where did that Cliff come from? Where was that? Where did that come from? That was not shown.

kat 5:49

Anything- They weren't done painting it yet.

ryley 5:52

Yeah, exactly. So I want to get down to like, what did you think of the movie since this was this is since this was your first time actually seeing it?

kat 6:01

Being honest here a lot cheesier than I was expecting it to be from how much people hype it up. The line delivery wasn't amazing from everybody. It's just everyone hypes everything up from this movie so much that it was like, I was expecting- I didn't I didn't not enjoy it. Like I still I enjoyed it. I thought it was good. I just think maybe somebody, one of us, overhyped it a little. Not just you, just like, it's like renowned as being like this amazing.

ryley 6:01

Oh, yes. Absolutely.

kat 6:06

The like, there's practical effects and like, the dinosaurs themselves for that time. Yeah, it was amazing, it looked cool. Everything was dope. The acting wasn't terrible. I'm not saying that the writing or the acting was terrible. I'm just saying. I was expecting a little more from it.

ryley 6:46

I think this is one of those movies, because I grew up with this way.

kat 6:49

Yeah, that'll do it too.

ryley 6:50

Exactly. So I'm, I obviously have a different perspective of this movie.

kat 6:55

See it's like what you were talking about a second ago. Where like, they are like really old movies. And people are like, 'Oh, you haven't seen that.' And it's like you're gonna watch it. And then it's not gonna be as good as they're saying it is.

ryley 7:03

Exactly. I want to know who was the weak link in this movie for you.

kat 7:08

I love him, dearly. Goldblum a little bit with the line delivery. It did not sound like he was acting. It just sounded like he was reading off of a page.

ryley 7:17

I think that's why people like it, though.

kat 7:19

See, and I get that it's just like, it's not what I would expect from how people t-. Like I still think he did an amazing job and like he's young and hot in this so like.

ryley 7:28

Oh, yeah.

kat 7:29

Another proof that I had only seen about 10 minutes of this movie. I had no idea Samuel L Jackson was in this movie.

ryley 7:35

That's before he got really big. This is one of those movies where like, you're like, oh, yeah, he's in this.

kat 7:40

I- Okay, so the Dilophosorus sign. Before they said it out loud, in my head, I read it as DILFosaurus. And I was just imagining giant hot dads walking around. And then, I resonated with Jeff Goldblums character when he was left alone in the car, and he's just like talking to himself.

ryley 7:59

I love that. That's-

kat 8:00

That is how I am like, if no one's gonna be here to listen to me, I will.

ryley 8:05

And now I'm talking to myself.

kat 8:08

That part where the Raptor comes up to the window when they're in the kitchen, it looks like a fucking hand puppet.

ryley 8:15

There's literally, I don't, this is also another goof, but this is just straight from my head. In the movie, when they're at the doorway coming in, you can see a hand moving the tail over. So that's something to look for when you're watching it.

kat 8:30

Another thing I noticed those cars are not in any way connected to the track.

ryley 8:33

There's someone just underneath.

kat 8:35

No, there's literally someone pressing a pedal for the front one at least. And they're probably hitched together when they first pull up. The last thing I have written down is that when the girl is like locking the Raptor in the freezer, I thought that she was locking her brother in there with the Raptor.

ryley 8:51

Oh my god. Again, the shots of this movie can be confusing. Sometimes.

kat 8:57

They are. I know that- well, the one with the Raptor running into the shiny kitchen thing that was cool. That was-

ryley 9:03

Oh that was that was very purposeful.

kat 9:04

I thought it looked so silly whenever the Raptor was like broke through the window at the end and was like standing on the desk and they like had just like they knock over the ladder and it literally looks like it's like "excuse me?"

ryley 9:23

just looks a little pissed off. Not like overly pissed off. But just like "really?"

kat 9:28

"Guys, come on."

ryley 9:29

One of my favorite things is at the very end it looks like the velociraptors about to like pounce on all of them. And then none of them happened to notice the T Rex just walk into the room. Also how did he walk into the room?

kat 9:42

How'd you fit in there?

ryley 9:43

How'd you get it here? And also no one noticed you. Cuz also the T Rex just comes in and grabs the velociraptor.

kat 9:49

Yeah.

ryley 9:49

And it's it's cool, but it's like that's?

kat 9:52

you have a pretty loud step from what I remember.

ryley 9:54

You're very loud and noticeable.

kat 9:57

Yeah, that's that's what I have written down. Yeah, no, I enjoyed it. I think it was a good time. I think I would have gotten scared of it as a kid.

ryley 10:04

But yeah, that's perfectly fine. I'm still glad you liked it, like you still enjoyed it. I wrote a lot. This is the most I've probably ever written.

kat 10:11

What have you maintained to think about this movie?

ryley 10:13

I think the CGI still holds up pretty well. I understand it. You know, I've looked at it. And the reason why like the CGI still kind of holds up to this day, or it did for as long as it did, because they used earthtones. And they did use as little CGI as they could. That's what they said. The dinosaurs in these movies are grotesquely and inaccurate. This movie is not accurate whatsoever, like we were talking about, like, I'm wondering how accurate these facts are. Most of the facts you hear in this movie are not accurate whatsoever.

kat 10:45

It's no Finding Nemo.

ryley 10:46

It's- exactly. To give Steven a little credit. This was I think, before they started really saying like, Oh, dinosaurs probably had feathers. Most dinosaurs would probably have feathers or quills. They were more bird-like.

kat 11:01

They mentioned that in the movie. Like they talk about how they might be. They probably just evolved into birds. They also were just kind of eyeballing it when they were putting together the fossils.

ryley 11:11

And it's- honestly though. The velociraptors in these movies aren't even velociraptors. Velociraptors are supposed to be three feet high. There's no evidence to suggest they were pack hunters. They do- they do say like no. Which I think adds to it. It adds to like the maliciousness of like a billionaire trying to profit off this idea. And it's not even right and it I think it adds to it. I'm glad that they they say that.

kat 11:40

It's a little hypocritical, though.

ryley 11:41

Oh, it is and people call out like, you know, the lawyers talking about like, Oh, we're gonna make so much money. We're gonna make so much selling merchandise. And what does Steven do? He sells even to this day merchandise for for these movies. So

kat 11:54

Well, sorry. This is just a Steven Spielberg sidebar for a second. But the executive producers on jaws are the reason that that movie was so heavily marketed and made so much money for merchandising alone. So they probably, I would guarantee that a similar team of executive producers did the same thing with Jurassic Park.

ryley 12:12

Think about any popular Steven the movie, like think about Indiana Jones, think about ET. Think about how merchant how much merchandise there was from that. I mean, he has- he has it locked down.

kat 12:24

OH yeah. He makes highly marketable movies.

ryley 12:27

Absolutely. So it makes sense. It is. I don't know. Would you call it hypocritical?

kat 12:34

Oh, 100%. Like as much as I love Steven Spielberg, and the team that he works with. They're just profiting off of a larger group of people.

ryley 12:43

Yeah, totally. I do want to mention the newer movies, the newer franchise, you know, when I first saw the first one, I didn't get like the same magic as the first one. I just didn't like how dark the first one of the new franchise. It's like a serial killer dinosaur on the loose and it just kills like our herd of like, I don't know what they're called. I'm call them long necks. A whole herd and I'm an adult, I understand they're not real, but guess what? I was emotionally invested in the movie. I still like dinosaurs. I didn't like it. I got I just didn't like the movie. If I was a child we would have had to leave the theater.

kat 13:19

Oh something I forgot to mention when they first pull up to the- to see the dinosaurs for the first time. All I hear is that vine where it's like *discordant singing* it's like on a recorder. I think was another reason I was like, this movie has also been memed quite a bit.

ryley 13:35

Oh this movie has so many memes it's been memed for I think before memes were a thing

kat 13:41

picture of the cowboy the cowboy hat dude laying on like photoshopped to where he's laying on Jeff called blooms shirtless stomach.

ryley 13:50

Yes. I think you sent that to me and I saved it somewhere. I do have favorite quotes. I like how all the scientists are brought to the island and they're really amazed by the dinosaurs. But they're like, No, this is a bad idea. I hate- it's not that I hate but like Hammond, he showed us like a kind of sweet old man. But like he I'm sorry, he's a billionaire who is greedy, selfish, irresponsible. And- and not that they don't show that. But it's like, I don't want to. I don't want to sympathize or empathize with this old man.

kat 14:22

Just because he's nice to his grandkids but doesn't mean he's a good person.

ryley 14:26

Not good per- Yeah, no kidding. And it's like, they should have made them more villainous. In my opinion.

kat 14:31

I know that's a gripe that some people had with the Jurassic World part of the franchise being made was like, the whole thing was like, this is a bad idea. And it's like, oh, a whole other series where they do it again.

ryley 14:42

Oh, yeah. No one learns our lesson I have one last thing I want to bring up and its more like a concept about this movie.

kat 14:48

You gotta pitch for me.

ryley 14:49

Yes, I do. And it's something that I'm sure it's crossed your mind too.

kat 14:54

Jurassic galaxy. Dinosaurs in space.

ryley 14:58

Yes.

kat 14:59

Sorry.

ryley 15:02

You know, this movie came out very well known and like the concept of, they show how like they collect a mosquito get the DNA for the mosquito, that's dino DNA, and they make actual dinosaurs from it. Well, in real life, that's actually how it could have been made. And for years now, they've been saying, like, oh, we could technically do that- actually do this. Every few years, someone goes, Oh, I'm they investing into doing this? Like, Elon Musk has said it like a few times, I'm sure. But you know, they always scientists, they, they could do it. The only reason why anyone would do it is to profit off of it

kat 15:35

Exactly.

ryley 15:36

Because there's no reason. This thing can't be released in the wild, whatever they make, it won't be an actual dinosaur. It will just be what the closest thing they could make out of it. You know, just like in the movies.

kat 15:46

Exactly.

ryley 15:47

There's literally six movies that tell you why this is a bad idea why we shouldn't be doing this. And I think it's just ethically wrong too.

kat 15:54

Oh, yeah, you're creating something solely to profit off of it. And it's like a step beyond why people aren't in favor of most zoos, because like, at least with a zoo, you can say that they're rehabilitating, or helping with population growth, or doing something helpful with the animals. But this is just an instance where they are literally just creating something to keep it captive and profit off of it. So it's just it's a it's not a good idea. And it's an easily exploited idea.

ryley 16:21

And it's one of those things that like they've talked about bringing back the mammoth because they have DNA from mammoths, they have dodo DNA, our world has changed so drastically.

kat 16:30

Jurassicly.

ryley 16:30

Since they've been here. Jurassicly. Good one.

kat 16:33

Thank you.

ryley 16:34

Since they've been here, there's no reason to bring. I'm sorry. Are we just gonna let the Mammoths roam.

kat 16:40

we we don't need mammoth to Texas.

ryley 16:42

No, we don't.

kat 16:43

We have enough things going on here.

ryley 16:45

There's no reason to do this. And there's no reason to do this when there's animals going extinct right now, because of us. Why? Why would we spend any money to bring back animals that could not possibly live in this world today? When there are animals right now that could benefit from from DNA? I don't know what you would call it like just the resurrection of them

kat 17:08

Like cloning.

ryley 17:09

Yeah, DNA cloning.

kat 17:10

You have anything else informationally, or?

ryley 17:12

No, that was my last one.

kat 17:14

You have critic reviews for this one?

ryley 17:15

I do. This is WillCo Movie Buff. This is in June 5 2015. Kelly Gifillan. So this is the person's favorite movie, but was scared of as a kid. So they they had all the toys and merchandising, merchandise and all that, but they didn't actually see it until they were adult. They state "the set a strong tone for modern summer blockbuster films in 1993. And continues to be one of the most iconic movies ever to hit the silver screen in the summer months." They say John Williams did a great job. They praise Stan Winston and Phil Tippett's creation of the dinoasaurs. They love the cast, especially Richard and Jeff's performances. People had mixed reviews about Jeff, so I understand.

kat 17:57

Here's the thing. He's the same way in the movie, the fly. And I liked that movie. I don't know if I sent you the Tiktok or you sent it to me. But it's like Nicolas Cage, just talking on a red carpet. And people- I didn't make this connection before. But Jeff Goldbloom and Nicolas Cage have the same like cadence to their voice and the way they talk. Like they don't vocally sound the same, but the way they speak sentences with like giant pauses between certain words like dramatic. That's just Jeff Goldblum talking. You know, like, that's why I felt like it just- he could have been reading the script under the table for all I knew.

ryley 18:31

Probably. But no, I totally I totally understand.

kat 18:36

But you're right. Either. People love that. Or they hate that.

ryley 18:38

Yeah, they note how funny the movie is, and how Steven has a way with directing kids, and including kids into the movies. They state, "Jurassic Park is one of those rite of passage film-watching experiences that everyone should embark on at some point in their lives. If you've got kids and you're considering taking them on their first voyage with the movie, know that it is still a pretty jumpy movie and clings hard to it's PG 13 rating." It could scare- depending on the kid it could scare them pretty bad and depending on how old they are.

kat 19:10

Yeah.

ryley 19:11

And the interesting part is I love that movie. I watched it 10 times a day, but it's still it's still monsters. It's still monsters chasing little kids. It's still it's still scary. And then this is a review for Jurassic Park by the Massie twins. They start out by stating that this movie was a huge advancement in CGI animation when it came out. Noticeably outdated now. They do note that the story itself "is a marvel of suspense, adventure, comedy and nonstop excitement...that promises that regardless of the years, Jurassic Park will still rank them on the greatest of all thrillers." They continue to know how the CGI has gotten better since the movie came out. They still don't think it holds up. They note that the ceiling scene is underwhelming. I didn't think the ceiling scene was underwhelming.

kat 19:57

I just don't think there was enough tension in it. Maybe is what they mean.

ryley 20:00

Yeah.

kat 20:01

There was- because everything leading up to right before that had a lot of tension. And then it was like, immediately lost.

ryley 20:07

I can see that. But like they talked about how Lex falls through the ceiling and the Velociraptor. Like almost gets her. I hate that same because it makes me jump. So I think there's lots of tension.

kat 20:20

I think there's just not as much as maybe they were trying to make.

ryley 20:24

Oh, no, I get, I get that they still give it a 10 out of 10 though. I have one last critic review by Deson Howe, this is the Washington Post staff writer. He wrote this in June, on June 11 1993. They quote, "the suspense and technical wizardry are the only reason to watch Jurassic Park...In the movie, Neil and Dern (who get a romantic relationship the book never gave them) get the prime parts, but only relatively. Goldblum, well cast as the Mad Hatter-mathematician with an amusing chaos theory, has his moments, but he could have been used far more. Jackson, Peck, Ferrero and genetics engineer BD Wong (all significant players in the novel) might as well not be here, for the microscopic character space they must share." So, he didn't like how this movie diverged from the novel.

kat 21:16

It seems like they sacrificed- they sacrificed character storylines for a romance and to pander to audiences a little bit.

ryley 21:26

And he talks about like a lot of things that they cut from the novel that he thought was important.

kat 21:31

Yeah, I do agree that like the technical and production aspects of this movie are the most like I would say they're the most impressive part of it.

ryley 21:39

Definitely. That was my last critic review. And now I have audience reviews from IMDB. 10 out of 10 was written on June 11 2019. "If you were born in the 90s, or before you had a connection with people. You absolutely love this movie, and it made a mark on you. I think most people will remember when they saw this movie first. It was that awe inspiring experience. I remember that it was the first PG 13 movie I was allowed to watch. And what a way to start my grownup movie experience. Everything in this movie screams adventure from the opening scene where the jungle leaves rustle the shot mysterious sparkling Amber the movie sets for the tone for the greatest adventure movie ever made. As you hear John Williams glorious theme start to swell and you see Alan remove his glasses and start to tremble. You know, you're about to witness one of the most magical moments ever put on cinema. I can't go into detail on all the incredible scenes from the T Rex reveal to the kitchen scene. But each one of them revolutionized what we thought movie magic could take us. Thank you Spielberg for making this enchanting piece of art for us. An entire generation is indebted to you." This one's a one out of 10 it's also from IMDB. This was written in 2005. Hollywood created great dinosaurs in 1933 and for 50 years thereafter then along comes Steven Spielberg with his computer generated monsters that kind of scare flea. Add to the mix Spielberg spineless anti gun" oh I forgot about this one. "Add to the mix Spielberg's spineless anti gun nonsense. Where only the bad guys fend off the big teeth dinos using oh my gosh, guns and poor Goldblum-"

kat 23:20

Doesn't Dr. Grant use a gun?

ryley 23:22

Does he use a gun?

kat 23:23

Yes. At the end. He literally uses a shotgun.

ryley 23:27

Oh yeah. He does.

kat 23:28

Hammonds, like, no, that's what happens. That's literally what happens.

ryley 23:32

I forgot about that. I think it's because- and it's also like, why you're gonna bring that issue up for this movie. Really? That's the thing you want to you want to bring up for this movie. That's your critique. Of all things. You could talk about in this movie? You want to bring up-

kat 23:46

The Second Amendment? Yeah, Spielberg was really focused on the Second Amendment in this movie.

ryley 23:50

There's other ones that I saw that were like, it's politically correct. I was like, What? What? What are you talking about?

kat 23:59

Youmust be pissed off today.

ryley 24:02

I can't I- there's no way they're alive. Their little heads must have exploded.

kat 24:06

1993 Political Correctness is nothing

ryley 24:09

and your- I can't imagine where they are now. I like the title of this one. It's a one out of 10 IMdB, this is July 2021. So it's very recent. It's called "Jurassic puke."

kat 24:25

That is up there with perks of being a balls flower. Top tier top tier humor, Perks of being a balls flower

ryley 24:33

Jurassic puke. "Fell for the hype and 93 hated it finally started to get to 2021" hated it even more- sorry, "hated it even more. The novel was a brilliantly subversive take on the climate change panic that was starting to gain momentum at the time. In the hands of a mature director it could have been a smart and scary movie, worth all the hype. Of course in the hands of overgrown manchild Steven "Sporko"

kat 25:01

Is that how they wrote it? Steven Sporkle.

ryley 25:06

They didn't even write Stephen right. It's like Stephen

kat 25:09

Stephen Sporkle.

ryley 25:09

Stephen Sporko.

kat 25:10

That sounds like the name they would give him in Bojack Horseman, Stephen Sporgel

ryley 25:16

Steven Spergel. "It became nothing more than a two hour infomercial for a theme park ride and some toys handed out with each McCrappy meal. Oddly enough," they do it again Spoburgo- sees that- they wrote it twice it's intentional, "seems to understand this is exactly what he was making. Watch the dinner scene where the lawyer drools over the possible admission prices they could charge. And then Dr. Malcolm predicts the merchandising angle. Very meta as the cool kids say."

kat 25:46

That just makes the last person's review just sound even stupider.

ryley 25:49

Exactly, at least this person is onto something.

kat 25:52

They have the coherence maybe they just don't like sci fi.

ryley 25:55

I've never really thought about it. Like how much this movie really is science fiction because I would normally say I'm not the biggest science fiction fan, I don't hate it but I'm not out seeking it. I I wouldn't think to Kira is this was science fiction but I totally see why now.

kat 26:11

Yeah, science- science experiment gone wrong.

ryley 26:14

Oh, yeah, definitely. I totally I totally understand.

kat 26:16

Yeah.

ryley 26:17

This next one is IMDB. This is three out of 10 2014. "Jurassic Park doesn't hold up against the test of time. Looking back at the plot, you realize there barely is one. The movie establishes a good premise early on, but it doesn't succeed exploring the possibilities that come along with it."

kat 26:35

I get with it. I kind of get they're saying like.

ryley 26:37

I get what they're saying.

kat 26:38

I mean, clearly the book had a lot more going for it than what the movie had

ryley 26:43

The next sentence. So they're, they're gonna tell you a movie that they think that does do a good example of this Truman Show.

kat 26:50

It's like me going okay, well, this movie was kind of cheesy, but you know what, it is a good movie? You know, it is good movie? Sugarland Express.

ryley 26:55

It's the most random movie you can think of that you like. And you're just gonna be like, that's a better version. Tru-The Truman Show, just out of nowhere. Did- I'm sorry, Did Stephen even direct that?

kat 27:08

No, it has nothing to do with Steven Spielberg.

ryley 27:11

It has nothing to do with him. I was like I'm thinking here. I'm like, I don't know if he even directed

kat 27:15

that. The only thing about it both of them kind of have a meta message.

ryley 27:19

Yeah they're both meta but let's face it even doesn't even mention that they just want to talk about the Truman show right now. Just like- I love The Truman Show. I think it's a good movie. "A great example of a movie that does is The Truman Show. It was very original from the start and had a plot the help that's premise stretch his legs. Jurassic Park creators only objective was to make money off of the world they set up around the movie. Second after that, in their mind was to make a good movie. Hey, at least the special effects were good for the time.

kat 27:47

Okay, now Now I get it. Jurassic Park, like sacrifice substance for profit.

ryley 27:51

Another thing I want to mention is like all these bad reviews, here's that they people will talk about the special effects. They'll still they'll still comment pretty nice things about the special effects. They hold up, especially if you're a kid too. Like they're going to be good.

kat 28:04

Yeah.

ryley 28:05

This one's a three out of 10. This is on IMDb. It was raised in 99. The title is "it works if you are a 10 year old dyno freak," which was me.

kat 28:16

I mean, that's their target audience

ryley 28:17

Exactly

kat 28:18

Probably not though.

ryley 28:18

Well I feel it had a PG 13. So it was like it was for kids. Yeah.

kat 28:24

Yeah. Yeah.

ryley 28:25

I think there was- there was some kind of kid element to it. A lot of people criticize it for that. They think it's to kiddish.

kat 28:31

Yeah, I agree. This was a nice mixture for him of like what he did with ET. And like being able to still kind of make these, you know, something that he's good at making epic movies like Indiana Jones and jaws and making it something that kids can enjoy a little bit more not that kids can enjoy those other movies. But this movie definitely seemed a little more directed at a younger audience.

ryley 28:53

It's funny. This is very PG 13. Josh's is very PG, which I still can't get over.

kat 28:58

That was the 70s MPAA code.

ryley 29:01

I was thinking about that earlier today. I was like, Oh yeah, that was before Steven invented PG. 13 for Indiana Jones. Literally,

kat 29:08

They literally created PG-13 for him.

ryley 29:11

Oh, he, yeah exactly. Three out of 10 on IMDb. IMDB. Written 99. "How do they know so much about the titles? The film gets worse every time I see you. The worst part of it is the fact that the scientists know so much about the dinos. For example, how to the scientists know that if you don't move that the T Rex can't see you? How could they possibly figure that out by looking at bones?" That's the part that they're like, how could you know?

kat 29:38

Okay, aside from the fact that like, you know, there was literally, one of the critics was like, you just need some suspension of disbelief. Put aside logic and facts for a second and just enjoy the movie.

ryley 29:47

Give your brain a rest for a second.

kat 29:49

Even if you're watching the fucking movie. You think that- You think fucking scientists aren't going to study these things. You interact with them until you figure it out, don't make sounds around the T Rex or it'll eat you.

ryley 30:02

I don't think either those facts they listed are actually real facts. Like.

kat 30:07

We don't know that.

ryley 30:08

Those are theories. Exactly. We don't know that. And that's okay. It's fun. It's a fun fact for a movie to play into what happens, and this person cannot handle that. That person cannot handle that.

kat 30:23

I hope this person decided to like maybe either go to school or go back to school, and study paleontology and figure that answer out for themselves. Because if you're not a paleontologist, or even like an anthropologist, you don't know, you probably don't know entirely how they figure out like, oh, well, this thing was buried next to this thing, so it means they must have done something like this. Like, it's guessing.

ryley 30:47

It's just guessing. And that's okay. Because that's just like,

kat 30:51

You find evidence to support it.

ryley 30:53

you find evidence, and you either prove it right? Or prove it wrong. That's just kind of how science goes.

kat 30:58

It's literally everything's a theory until it's proven wrong.

ryley 31:02

Exactly. That's That's why you know, for a long time, we'll think something and someone come along go. I don't think so. And here's why. And everyone go, yeah, actually makes more sense.

kat 31:11

Plus, there's a difference between a regular and just like baseline theory, like you're just theorizing maybe something and a scientific theory, a scientific theory is nearly improvable or, wait no, nearly impossible to like, disprove, and it has a lot of evidence and research to back it up.

ryley 31:30

And then we're gonna get it into Letterboxd.

kat 31:33

Yes.

ryley 31:34

First person gave it a five star. "I strongly relate to Jeff Goldblum in this film, because in this scenario, I too which is walking around being sexy and flirting with Laura Dern, then get injured at literally the first instance of danger, and spend the rest of the timeline dramatically on a table," still being sexy and annoying. It's "still being sexy and annoying everyone but with my top off this time."

kat 31:58

I can say that I agree with that. I feel like I would, I would want that route for me too. I would not complain.

ryley 32:03

This person gave it four stars. Dope as hell movie. Would have like more Jeff Goldblum and less stupid ass kids though." People hated the kids in this movie.

kat 32:12

I just didn't really feel like they much importance there other than to be like, billionaire like some look, Grant changes a little bit.

ryley 32:22

Yeah, and like, oh, no, the kids are gonna get eaten.

kat 32:25

Yeah, it's just something to put in there to add extra danger to it.

ryley 32:28

I don't think they're the most annoying kids in a movie ever. Like there are definitely annoying kids and movies. This one is four and a half stores,

kat 32:36

stores stores.

ryley 32:38

Damn that's-

kat 32:40

Sorry

ryley 32:42

No, you're fine. This was four and a half stars. They say, "Damn, that's tough. Sorry that happened people."

kat 32:48

This happened to my buddy Jeff.

ryley 32:49

Is it's on the same par as that.

kat 32:52

Damn, buddy. Sorry. That happened. Is that what they said?

ryley 32:54

Yeah, yeah, that's tough. Sorry that happened people. W- same same energy with that.

kat 33:01

I just can't tell if they mean like Damn, that sucks. Sorry, the movie happened or sorry that that that the dinosaurs did that. But I feel like it's the latter.

ryley 33:09

I think it is too. That's what I assumed.

kat 33:11

This my happened to my buddy, Jeff.

ryley 33:15

I'm sorry. You could call that stupid. I think it's the funniest damn anyone's said.

kat 33:20

I love that shit.

ryley 33:22

Especially about the joker. Like it's the perfect comment for that movie.

kat 33:25

damn sorry that happened.

ryley 33:29

That's another one. I'm gonna start to say that about movies we watch now. Sorry that happened.

kat 33:33

that's rough buddy.

ryley 33:35

That's rough. This next one is five stars. I wonder if Spielborg

kat 33:43

Spielborg robot.

ryley 33:43

I won't forget that one. Stephen Spielgorg.

kat 33:47

Stephen Bulgogi.

ryley 33:51

Still the best review. I love that one.

kat 33:53

Steven Sporcle

ryley 33:56

I can't help but say it. "I wonder if Spielberg looks back on this and thinks oh, yeah, that's just one of my many Stone Cold masterpieces." I mean, he made a lot of money from it. I'm sure he does.

kat 34:08

I wonder what movie is his favorite that he's made?

ryley 34:10

I was just thinking that too. I wonder too.

kat 34:13

But he's such like a. I don't know. I don't know how to explain him. But I feel like he would not pick a favorite.

ryley 34:19

Yeah, they're like, I feel like it's like children for him.

kat 34:23

And he's got a lot of those too.

ryley 34:25

Yeah, he does.

kat 34:26

Adopted some of them actually.

ryley 34:27

Yeah. This one is four and a half stars. "Why didn't Timmy stay dead?" People hated the kids in this movie. In these movies.

kat 34:38

They're like less children more sexy. Jeff.

ryley 34:41

Someone said five stars. "Gay dinosaur rights?" Because I guess.

kat 34:45

Fair enough.

ryley 34:46

Fair enough. One star. "I've just never cared for dinosaurs." Then why watch it?

kat 34:51

Maybe they thought the movie would change their mind.

ryley 34:53

Maybe. This has no stars whatsoever. "You can't make movies like this anymore because dinosaurs are extinct now." Oh, this is five stars." This was great Steven Spielberg." Again. Stephen Spielberg. They don't know how to spell his name. "This is great. Stephen Spielberg is definitely one to watch out for."

kat 35:14

You watch out for that Steven Spielberg. He's an up and comer.

ryley 35:17

He's an up and comer. This was written in 2022. This was written two days ago.

kat 35:24

But yeah, you know that Steven Spielberg he's really up and coming.

ryley 35:27

He really is. Three and a half stars, "my jello doesn't juggle juggle it folds, Velociraptors like to wiggle wiggle for sure." I include that one because

kat 35:35

It makes you want to dribble dribble. You know.

ryley 35:40

It's a good song.

kat 35:41

It is.

ryley 35:42

I like how someone included it.

kat 35:43

I made a tiktok about it. But I didn't post it today, because I already posted one. Watch out for my new tik tok coming soon. At mavismiddlefinger.

ryley 35:54

This one's four stars. And I don't I don't know what this one m- this one means, maybe you can help me out here. This one's four stars. "Feminism for guys with internalized misogyny."

kat 36:04

I think they're talking about how Dr. Grant like softens a little bit with the kids and like learns that he doesn't have to be like macho as much. It's a reach.

ryley 36:14

I- Yeah.

kat 36:16

With just like the inherentness of men. They don't- it's not as important to them, like from society, to be good with kids and to like, be nurturing. But like Laura Dern's character like she's just naturally nurturing with the kids. And that's just something that comes inherent to her, which I think kind of undermines that point a little bit. Because not all women are naturally nurturing and pushing the narrative that they are makes them feel bad about it.

ryley 36:43

Yeah. This one gives it five stars and they go, "did anyone eat that pie that Nedry puts the shaving cream on?"

kat 36:52

Ew.

ryley 36:53

Remember because he put the shaving cream he just put some on the pie at the restaurant in the beginning?

kat 36:58

Yeah.

ryley 36:58

Someone's like, do they eat that?

kat 36:59

I hope not.

ryley 37:01

Four stars "granddad eats ice cream while his grandkids are trapped in deadly Dinosaur Park."

kat 37:06

This is why we don't go to grandpa's

ryley 37:08

Well not anymore. Four stars "Ian Malcolm is such a slut." And that's where we're going to end it.

kat 37:15

Okay.

ryley 37:15

What do you rate this movie?

kat 37:17

5 out of 10

ryley 37:18

That doesn't- I thought you were gonna do worse. So I can be okay with that. Okay.

kat 37:25

Four and a half out of ten.

ryley 37:26

Let's move on. Okay.

kat 37:31

Three? I'm just kidding. You know what Zero.

ryley 37:37

What would you given it out of five?

kat 37:39

2 probably.

ryley 37:40

Wow. Okay, what did you give- I'm sorry, What'd you give Journey to the Center of the Earth?

kat 37:45

Three out of 10. I'm pretty sure.

ryley 37:47

Oh, my God.

kat 37:49

I don't care about special effects. I'm sorry.

ryley 37:51

It's fine.

kat 37:54

I know that this movie meant a lot to people. And I know that a lot of people watched as a kid means a lot there.

ryley 37:59

You don't have to cater to them.

kat 38:01

I'm going to, I'm going to because I genuinely do I mean, what I'm about to say.

ryley 38:08

Okay.

kat 38:10

I understand having a movie from your childhood. That means a lot. And to you, it is a really good movie. And to you, it means a lot and it's prolific. And it did make a lot of strides with special effects. I however, don't give a shit about special effects. And I watched it at 22. So I'm going to say five out of 10. Is that- Is that enough for you?

ryley 38:30

It's not up to me. That's if that's what you want to land on. That's fine.

kat 38:34

I want to know how we're gonna be friendship wise after this is done recording.

ryley 38:40

We- We'll move on.

kat 38:46

Hey, there's stuff I like that you don't like.

ryley 38:48

Name one.

kat 38:49

I can't think of one. But there's there has to be something in there.

ryley 38:52

Okay, text me later whenever you think of one

kat 38:55

There has to be.

ryley 38:56

No because I'm- there, I mean, there has to be I know there is but anyway, we'll get back to that. I for my own nostalgia, I watched- I've been watching this movie for 21 years. I love it very much. It's a 10 out of 10 for me, this is one of those movies where it's a childhood classic. I know there's flaws in it.

kat 39:17

Do you have any closing statements to make here?

ryley 39:21

No, I've talked enough about this movie.

kat 39:23

You know, if you didn't watch this movie as a kid, I want to know what you think specifically, but if you did watch this movie as a kid and you have reasons other than why Ryley liked it. Let us know on Instagram at Easy Bake Takes, our DMS are open. You can also comment on our posts if you'd like, tell us your thoughts. Maybe suggest some movies for us to do in the future. And thank you so much for listening. This has been Easy Bake Takes. My name is Kat

ryley 39:46

and I'm Ryley.

kat 39:47

Easy watching out there. Bye.

ryley 39:49

Bye.