Papa! (The Descent Movie Review)
Ryley picked one of her all-time favorite horror movies, The Descent (2005)
Review Overview: The setting of this movie is equally if not more terrifying than the crawlers. It is truly one of the best horror movies ever made.
It's well-paced, especially for a movie that takes place in one location.
This movie could have any mix of any gender and work really well and would have the same group dynamics. It's refreshing to see a movie of just women that portrays them in such an empowering light and with such a range of mentalities in the group.
Kat: 9/10
Ryley: 9/10
Both: [00:00:00] Hello
Kat: and welcome to
Both: Easy Bake Takes.
Ryley: The podcast
Kat: where we read you the one star reviews of your favorite movies and more. My name's Kat
Ryley: and I'm Ryley. And when we first started this podcast, I know this is one of the movies I named to do, we're doing the Descent.
Kat: If you like a movie where the situation that the movie is set in is more terrifying than the horror aspect of the movie, you will fucking love this movie.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: This one's for the girlies. Okay.
Ryley: It honestly is though.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Just girly things.
Kat: Just girly things. Spelunking with the girlies.
Ryley: So Descent came out in 2005. It's rated R for good reason, and it's an hour 39 minutes. And I'll go ahead and tell you the plot. Thrill seeker friends Sarah Juno and Beth Whitewater raft [00:01:00] together. Afterwards Sarah, along with her husband Paul and their daughter Jessica, are involved in a car accident when Paul is distracted. Paul and Jessica are killed, sarah survives. One year later, Sarah Juno and Beth, as well as friends, Sam, Rebecca, and newcomer Holly reunite at a cabin in the Appalachian mountains of North Carolina for a spelunking adventure. The next day, they hike up to a mound cave interest and descend. While in the cave, Juno apologizes to Sarah for not being there for her after the accident, but Sarah is distant. After the group moves through a narrow passage, it collapses behind them, trapping them. After a heated discussion, Juno admits that she has led the group into an unknown cave system instead of the fully explored cave system that they had originally planned to visit, and so rescue is therefore impossible. She then tells Sarah that this adventure was in the hopes of restoring their relationship. As the group presses forward with hopes of finding exit, they discovered aged climbing equipment and a cave painting that suggests an exit exists. Holly thinks she sees [00:02:00] sunlight and runs ahead, but falls down a hole and breaks her leg. As the others help Holly, Sarah wanders off and observes a pale humanoid creature drinking at a pool before it scampers away. Later, the group comes across a den of animal bones and is suddenly attacked by a creature known as a crawler. Holly is killed when a crawler attacks and bites through her throat. Sarah runs and falls down a hole, where she is knocked unconscious. Juno, trying to prevent Holly's body from being dragged away, kills a crawler with her pick ax, but then startled and in shock accidentally strikes Beth through the neck. Beth collapses with Juno's pendant in her hand and begs Juno not to leave her, but a traumatized Juno flees. Sarah awakens to find herself in the den of human and animal carcasses, witnessing Holly's body being mauled and eaten by crawlers. Juno discovers cave markings from previous explorers that point to a specific path through the caves. Juno locates Sam and Rebecca. Sam has deduced that the crawlers are blind and rely on sound to hunt. Juno tells 'em about the markings, but she will not leave without Sarah. Meanwhile, Sarah [00:03:00] encounters Beth, who tells her that Juno wounded then abandoned her. Beth gives her Juno's pendant, telling her that is a gift from Paul, and realizes that Juno and Paul had an affair before his death. Beth begs Sarah to euthanize her, which Sarah reluctantly does by bashing her head in with a rock. Sarah then encounters several crawlers and manages to kill them all, falling into a blood filled pond in the process and emerging covered in blood. Elsewhere, Juno, Sam and Rebecca are pursued by a large group of crawlers. They reach a chasm and Sam tries to climb across, but a crawler scaling the ceiling attacks and rips her throat out. Sam stabs it before bleeding to death in front of Juno and Rebecca. Rebecca is then dragged away and eaten alive as Juno escapes. Juno encounters Sarah and lies to her about seeing Beth die. After defeating a group of crawlers close to the exit, Sarah confronts Juno revealing the pendant and her knowledge of Beth's fate and the affair with Paul. Sarah then strikes Juno in the leg with a pickaxe and leaves her to die as a swarm of crawlers approaches. Juno is last heard screaming as Sarah [00:04:00] escapes. Sarah falls down a hole and is knocked unconscious. When Sarah awakens, she sees sunlight and climbs up a slope covered in bones to escape the cave. After exhaustively running to the car, she speeds out of the woods before she pulls over to the side of the road, breaking down in tears. After a truck passes her, she vomits out the window. When she sits up, she sees a hallucination of a bloody Juno sitting next to her and screams. In the original release in the United Kingdom, an extended ending is presented, which was cut for the US release over concerns that it was too depressing. After Halluc- yeah. After hallucinating the image of Juno, Sarah Awakens in the cave. Her entire escape had been revealed to be part of the same hallucination. She sits up to see Jessica standing across from her holding a birthday cake. As Sarah smiles, the shot widens to reveal that the cake's birthday candlelight, is actually the, actually this light of her torch, the camera slowly backs out revealing the darkness surrounding Sarah as the crawlers are heard closing in.
Kat: Okay. I don't think I'd like the movie as much if it ended like that.
Ryley: It would make those flashes to Jessica's [00:05:00] birthday cake that happens like a few times in the movie. It would make more sense.
Kat: That's true. That is true. I mean, I, I get She did lo lose a kid, so if she was having those, like, it still made sense to me, but No, you're right. It would've had a more, it would've seemed a little more important.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: I would be very upset if she fully got out and then she was right back in cuz she was just hallucinating. I would've been so pissed.
Ryley: Yes. And but like in the US release. If you watch the ending, it's, it's, I mean, it kind of implies that she didn't get out.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: It's a little bit more interpreted.
Kat: Up in the air.
Ryley: Yeah, it's up in the air. Cuz like we see Juno next to her and screams and in this background it's like dark almost like she's back in the cave and it cuts.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: So that's when, so like I, my family would always debate like, oh, you know, it's not, she didn't get out, you know?
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: She, she was just dreaming cuz she fell and unconscious but.
Kat: Yeah, that's true. I mean, yeah. Okay. I I get it. I get it. But I like to believe she got out.
Ryley: I would like to believe that too.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: [00:06:00] There is a sequel to this movie, surprisingly. I've ne- I did not know that.
Kat: I saw it when I looked it up. Yeah.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. The writer and director is Neil Marshall, and then our cast is Shauna McDonald who plays Sarah. Natalie Mendoza plays Juno. Alex Reid plays Beth. Saskia Mulder plays Rebecca. MyAnna Buring plays Sam. Nora-Jane Noon plays Holly. Oliver Millburn plays Paul. Molly Kayll plays Jessica. And then I found this interesting. There's a guy named Craig Conway who plays Crawler, but he's got a name and his name's Scar.
Kat: I love that when I'm sure they wrote him with a name.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And then there's no reason for him to have a name.
Ryley: Oh, there's no, there's no way. Like they're gonna name him in the movie. Like, that one's scar.
Kat: Hello, I'm Scar.
Ryley: But I love that. I thought that was so random and I, there's no way for me to pinpoint that in the movie unless I go back and try to guess who that is. It must be like the first one that kinda shows up.
Kat: It's, it's probably any crawler that gets close to a character.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. [00:07:00] Well, there's a few of them like that.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And there's a lot that die, so I don't know. So when I re-watch that movie, I'm going to look for one that has a scar. And then the tagline, this one's called the Scariest Movie in Earth. I thought that was clever like, I like that.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: And then we have some trivia. The crawlers were designed to resemble Nosferatu from the film Nosferatu 1922.
Kat: Yeah, I could see that.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: Um, his name's Count Orlok. Thank you.
Ryley: They also had huge white eyes to begin with, but this idea was done away with because they look too silly. Took three and a half hours in makeup to transform an actor into a crawler. They had to shave off their body hair as well.
Kat: Hmm. Make 'em aerodynamic.
Ryley: Yeah. So it doesn't hurt when they rip off that makeup.
Kat: Like Michael Phelps.
Ryley: Like Michael Phelps. The filmmakers considered it too dangerous to film in an actual cave. That also would've been far too time consuming.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: That would've been also like so unsafe, you know?
Kat: Oh, yeah.
Ryley: Like someone would've gotten.
Kat: It would've been [00:08:00] expensive just to get like permits to do that.
Ryley: Exactly. And like, no kidding. And like me, and Austin were talking about when we were watching it, but like, I know this is a set, but I don't wanna ruin the movie magic , that it's in a cave.
Kat: Yeah. It looks, it looks real.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Other than time consuming and expensive, it would be so difficult to get the angles that they get if it were a real cave.
Ryley: Exactly. The scene where Sarah finds Beth barely clinging into life originally features some truly shit dialogue and the actors let that be known. Neil Marshall agreed, and three went to a nearby pub the night before filming and rewrote the dialogue on a napkin. The films producer chewed Marshall out for it, but he also agreed the scene was vastly improved now. One of the crevices built for the film was so narrow and slippery that the female cast dubbed it The Vagina.
Kat: I love women
Ryley: Right? The film is dedicated to Meg, Neil Marshall's, beloved dog that died halfway through the production.
Kat: Aww.
Ryley: I [00:09:00] know. I thought I should include that, but I thought it was sweet. You know.
Kat: It is sweet.
Ryley: Twenty-one separate cave sets were built for the film, these were carefully reused with different camera angles, set dressing and lighting to suggest a nearly endless collection of interconnected tunnels and caverns. For realism, the makers often limited the lighting of the set to light sources that the protagonist brought with them, such as flashlights, helmet, lights, and light sticks.
Kat: Yeah, that makes, that makes sense. And also like, I feel like it adds to them being lost in the cave too if like everything sort of looks similar anyway.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: Oh, well I know I passed that rock five minutes ago.
Ryley: Exactly. At Director Neil Marshall's insistence, all the people playing the Villainist crawlers were professional actors rather than stuntmen or dancers. He wanted them to cultivate a distinct character for their crawler. Although in the finished film, many crawlers only appear for a few seconds.
Kat: Yeah. Cuz they, they are like humans that evolved under like underground.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: So it makes sense if they have a little more of [00:10:00] person, not personality, but like, what's it called? Humanity to them, a little.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Rather than just be doing back flips and shit.
Ryley: Yes, exactly.
Kat: Not that that's all stunt people do, but like there has to be a level of acting to it, I guess.
Ryley: I, I think so too. And I think it's, I think it was smart and also, um, they kept the people who were crawlers and the rest of the cast, like separate from them cuz they wanted like this, like the otherness, you know, to happen.
Kat: Yeah. I see that with like a, they they were genuinely scared by them too, cuz they weren't interacting with them before.
Ryley: Exactly. And they didn't know what the monster was gonna look like until the fir- when they were shooting.
Kat: That's hilarious. I don't know why this makes me think of the newer It how, um, the kids weren't scared of Bill Skarsgaard, but the picture of Bill Hader, like genuinely scared by him.
Ryley: Well he did the face. He did the thing. I love that. That's so funny. The appearance of the creatures was kept secret from the cast members until the first scene in [00:11:00] which they encountered them was film. While the cast were finally filming the scene where the girls encountered the crawlers, the girls were genuinely scared and screened the building down, running off set, and laughing. I do have a goof there, apparently a lot of. But I thought this was the funniest.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: At around 25 minutes when Juno lights the flare to reveal the interior of the cave, a crew man is visible below them. That's just another crawler.
Kat: Yeah. He just happens to be wearing khakis.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: Were a lot of the goofs really, like if you were to actually go spelunking this and this wouldn't happen and this wouldn't be a tactic? And?
Ryley: Yeah. They were saying like, oh, their hand placements are wrong. They're, and I was like, mm, that's not interesting.
Kat: I don't care about that.
Ryley: I don't care. Cuz I'm not gonna go back and go like, yeah, they're totally doing that wrong. Like, I don't know.
Kat: They're trad climbing wrong.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly.
Kat: Figured that would be a lot of it. Just like people like, oh, their technique's wrong. If you were in a cave, you wouldn't do that. If like you were trying to top rope climb, um, upside down, you wouldn't be doing this.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It's like, um, there wouldn't be crawlers in the cave either.
Ryley: Exactly. So, [00:12:00] well, some, some it was continuity. Like there were three people who made it through the pass, but you can see four. So it was like, Little stuff like that and.
Kat: Yeah. Yeah.
Ryley: I thought this was just the funniest .
Kat: Yeah. That is funny. I mean, that is a genuine goof.
Ryley: Crawler with khakis.
Kat: He's just wearing a baseball cap and khakis.
Ryley: But I don't remember seeing that. Like of all the times I've seen the movie, I've not seen that.
Kat: Yeah. No. Yeah. I don't think I've ever noticed that.
Ryley: Oh, so tell me what your thoughts were.
Kat: Okay, so I did, the first time I actually watched this movie, I hadn't seen it until, I think it was actually 2020.
Ryley: Oh, wow.
Kat: I was taking a history of horror class, and this was like, but it was the first time I ever saw it, and it quickly, very, very quickly became one of my favorite horror movies ever. Some things I liked about it, it doesn't drag.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Feel like it's very well paced. Seems like a situation where it would be a little okay if it dragged.
Ryley: It's like a rollercoaster. It's gonna keep on going till the end.
Kat: There's always something happening.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I like the dialogue in the beginning, them just being like friends. I don't know. I just like that movies when you like It feels like a genuine friend group.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: I love [00:13:00] Beth so much.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: You know whenever at the very beginning she like gives Juno a look. She's like, the fuck are you doing? If I found out that my friend was fucking around with my other friend's husband, I would never let them stop hearing about it.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: I would be so fucking upset at them.
Ryley: Would you expose them?
Kat: I would- I would definitely talk to them first.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I would talk to the husband.
Ryley: Beat him up.
Kat: Yeah. It probably, yeah, exactly. Probably beat Juno up too.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: A lot of the movie I spend just my hatred for Juno growing and it's just another one of those ego trip people in a movie.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I mean, Beth even says it. Or was it Beth? I dunno. There's a lot of people in this movie. Somebody is like, this isn't an adventure, this is a fucking ego trip.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. And that's what it is too. And it's kind of, cuz that happens so many times in horror movies, but it's usually coming from a man. So it is interesting to see that that does come from a woman, this movie, so.
Kat: In the Blair [00:14:00] Witch too that's coming from a woman too.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: And then I, I wrote, if you see me, Spelunking and I seem happy to be there, something's probably wrong.
Ryley: You got kidnapped, you'd be forced to do it.
Kat: Something's prob mentally wrong with me or.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: And I also said, um, I wouldn't be friends with anybody who would take me spelunking in the first place.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Like, I'll wait at the cabin.
Ryley: It is one of those things where like, I truly do not understand why people do it.
Kat: I'm not a thrill seeker is the thing.
Ryley: I'm not a thrill seeker. I get skydiving. I'm never gonna do it, but I get it. I get the appeal.
Kat: You understand what somebody would get out of a situation like that.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: It's like a puzzle you have to solve sort of.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: It's like if you were doing a puzzle at home and someone was holding a gun to your head. That's how I see it personally. You have to finish it or they'll kill you.
Ryley: You're shoved in like the smallest closet in the house.
Kat: You're in the box of shame.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Doing a puzzle.
Ryley: And so you get a little bit of claustrophobia as well.
Kat: Yes, yes. Yeah. Just you have to hold your breath while doing a puzzle and someone's holding a gun to your head, that [00:15:00] is spelunking in my mind to me. That's why this movie's terrifying because I, first of all, I know I wouldn't be in this situation.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: The thought of being in this situation scares me.
Ryley: Oh, it terrifies me. And crawling through those little tunnels, it sounds like the worst thing.
Kat: I would never talk to Juno again. Not even as Sarah, just as any of them.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. Cause like that's such a irresponsible, selfish thing. The movie proves everything could go wrong with that.
Kat: Mm-hmm. Also, if I knew that I had like no choice but to go spelunking, I would not be drinking the night before. Could you imagine being hung over in a cave?
Ryley: No, I cannot. I was literally thinking that. I was like, I probably just wouldn't go. How do you, how do you do that? How do you do that? I don't understand.
Kat: I'm gonna go find where this exit is and I'm gonna go sit over there and wait by the hole that you guys are gonna climb out of at the end, and I'll just yell until you guys find me. I did write that I want a big girl group like that.
Ryley: Yeah, that, that sounds appealing. That sounds really fun.
Kat: No adventuring. Just to like, we hang out. Girls weekend at a cabin. That alone sounds fun.
Ryley: Yeah, [00:16:00] exactly.
Kat: That sounds so fun.
Ryley: We can go for a little walk. That sounds nice.
Kat: Yeah. And then I like that they don't linger on the gore whenever the husband and the daughter get killed. It's just kind of like a second of like pierced. It's not like, let's look at it sticking through him for like five minutes.
Ryley: Exactly. Especially since like it's a child too. That's just It's a little much.
Kat: Yeah, exactly. And then a few, two lines that Juno says, and she was like, I thought maybe we could name it after you. And then Sarah's like, or you.
Ryley: Exactly. Ego trip.
Kat: And then she says, we all lost something in that crash. What the fuck did you lose, juno? Your fuck boy?
Ryley: As Sarah, I would've been like, what do you mean? What do you mean by that?
Kat: Yeah, what do you mean by that?
Ryley: What did you lose?
Kat: What do you mean by that? Cause I lost my child and my husband, and then I also learned that my husband was cheating on me and because he was cheating on me, he got distracted and crashed the car.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: So what the fuck did you lose?
Ryley: Juno really did, uh, cause everything bad to happen in this movie.
Kat: Mm-hmm. It's her fault. It's her [00:17:00] fault that he even crashed.
Ryley: Everything is her fault, honestly.
Kat: I mean, he was involved too.
Ryley: Exactly. He's at fault as well.
Kat: The survivor's guilt this woman must feel.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: The way the movie ends, she still has that fucking survivor's guilt.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Oh shit. Everyone I know just died.
Ryley: I do love though, at the end, like, instead of like, just like killing Juno, she just like wounds her.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: It's honestly like, wow like, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm not helping you.
Kat: The fact that not only was he cheating, like by sleeping with her, he bought her that necklace. They had like an emotional cheating too.
Ryley: Yeah. It wasn't just.
Kat: It wasn't just sex.
Ryley: No. That honestly just sucks more.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: And he's quiet in the car almost like he's contemplating like what he should do.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Was he gonna leave Sarah for Juno? Was that gonna be the case? I don't know. We don't know. We'll never know.
Kat: Yeah. And okay, I just have to say this as like a, um, the person I am, and I think you'll understand this, but if I saw my husband take off [00:18:00] another woman's helmet, Like that.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: I would.
Ryley: I'm hitting someone right there and then what? What are you doing?
Kat: That's what Beth's looking at.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly.
Kat: She knows.
Ryley: I don't understand that. I don't understand. I don't understand the confidence that he had to do that in front of.
Kat: You might as well be fucking her on the raft.
Ryley: Yeah. The confidence he pulled to do that is insane and he goes to Juno first instead of his wife. Like, that's just messed. It's messed up. It's just messed up.
Kat: Mm-hmm we all know what that I'm fine means.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: This man is not hiding shit.
Ryley: No, not at all.
Kat: Literally, might as well be fucking her on the raft right there.
Ryley: I truly believe that. It was like, moments a way of saying, or maybe not with the kid in the car, but like I want, you know?
Kat: Yeah. When they got home, they were about to talk about it.
Ryley: It was one of those things.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: It was probably gonna happen.
Kat: Yeah. That's everything I had written down. But I do, I genuinely do love this movie. I'm glad we're finally doing it. Cause we've been talking about it for a while.
Ryley: Exactly. I love this movie. My [00:19:00] parents showed this to me when I was a kid. I was the scariest movie I'd seen then, and it was, I still would consider this one of the scariest movies I've ever seen.
Kat: Yeah, that's fair.
Ryley: This it, it hits in different ways of why it's so scary. I like the characters. I do have a hard time telling who's who.
Kat: Especially in the cave.
Ryley: Three of them are blonde.
Kat: Yeah. Yes. That. I didn't know who Sarah was for a half of it.
Ryley: Yeah. It's hard to pinpoint who's talking.
Kat: Exactly. Yes.
Ryley: I love the monsters. I think the monsters are terrifying. They've lived in my dreams and in the corners of my room for years now.
Kat: Seeing those as a kid, I could see that. I could definitely see that.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. , I'm trying to think, but I just really like this movie. Um, I have more to say with the critics.
Kat: Mm-hmm. I'm just trying to think of anything to maybe ask you. Do you see this movie as a feminist horror?
Ryley: Um, yeah. Well, yes, I I do. I don't have a lot of problems with this movie, at least for what I've seen.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Someone were to [00:20:00] present an argument for it, I'd be willing to listen. But as far as I can tell in this movie, I, I think it's done really well.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I think the women in this movie are like, kind of badass. Like, as much as I don't like spelunking, they're strong, well equipped. They're intelligent.
Kat: Yeah. They know what they're fucking doing.
Ryley: They know what they're doing. They're like, I, I'm trying to, I don't wanna say like, I guess they're talented in that field of, of, of, Activities like that. I don't know what you would.
Kat: Survival skills. They have really good survival skills.
Ryley: Exactly. They fight off the monsters like a dude would in a horror movie. Like they're like, they're really cool. They're really tough.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: They definitely pass the Bechdel test.
Kat: Well, I mean, yeah, it would be kind of scary if this movie didn't.
Ryley: It would be fucking terrifying if they, if they couldn't.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: With Six Women.
Kat: This was an argument that was made for the Invisible Man and it was part of the reason why I didn't end up picking it. Sometimes movies will sacrifice femininity, like feminine qualities for just making a [00:21:00] character have masculine qualities. But I think that the issue with the argument there that I was finding was, what is wrong if a woman has masculine qualities.
Ryley: That's the thing. That's the argument. Like why is that bad?
Kat: Because they were saying like they want feminine qualities to be seen as just as equally strong, which I agree with.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I agree with that, but I think this movie does a really good job at having these really strong and like, you know, they have stereotypically masculine traits to them in how they interact in this movie.
Ryley: Some of them.
Kat: Some of them, yeah. But there's still a level of femininity and like emotional vulnerability, being in touch with their emotions in this movie and still being able to express them while still being strong and fighting for themselves and being independent.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Which I really enjoy, which is why I see it as a feminist movie too.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: It's a good blend of it. They're not losing femininity for the sake of masculinity.
Ryley: Exactly. It also shows a great, like women's social groups. Some of them supporting each other, some of them not. But I think it is very interesting in that.
Kat: Yeah. [00:22:00]
Ryley: Realm too. Like we got six friends all with different.
Kat: Different approaches to friendship.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. And I think that's interesting in itself.
Kat: Yeah. They're very like dynamically diverse.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. And like different with their intentions.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I think Juno in this movie is also working heavily on that guilt that she probably has.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: And that's why she's all like, I was thinking about naming after you, or I'm not leaving without Sarah or you know, like just that.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This whole trip was to make up for her own guilt.
Kat: Exactly. And Sarah's not buying her bullshit.
Ryley: It's, it's ingenuine and you can, you can tell Sarah, whether subconsciously or not is picking up on that.
Kat: She's doing it to make herself feel better, in my opinion.
Ryley: Oh yeah, exactly. It's completely selfish.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Very characteristic of Juno's character, so.
Kat: Exactly. Yeah, that's all I have to say about that cuz I'm sure, just based on the, the title of the one I'm seeing, I'm sure it'll get more into the like details of it.
Ryley: Oh yeah. This is probably my favorite of the critics I [00:23:00] picked up from.
Kat: Of the critic reviews?
Ryley: Of the critic reviews. This one's called the "Bechdel Test Canon, the Descent," it's by Alyx Vesey. This was published November 26th, 2010. This is from Bitch Media. Starts by saying they describe that they are new to the horror genre fandom due to them being scared easily, and they formally thought there wasn't any horror movies that could show feminism, but they luckily had a colleague and friend who proved them very wrong as their feminist identity was shaped by horror movies and, and they were working on their masters at this time. So this is where.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: On an educational standpoint they got to change their viewpoint about horror film.
Kat: We were talking about this beforehand, but I was talking about that study that I was reading about from like the nineties or something.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It was talking about like a lot of the audience of the horror genre in general is women.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And yeah, there are some pretty misogynistic and reductive subgenres within horror.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But there are also a lot that show women being very [00:24:00] strong and like, just look at the Halloween series.
Ryley: Exactly. That's, I think they, they literally use her as an example in this. Isn't she the first final girl?
Kat: Yeah, I think so. Yeah.
Ryley: I think.
Kat: I think so.
Ryley: I might be wrong.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Let us know if I'm wrong.
Kat: She's used a lot in explaining what a final girl is.
Ryley: She's a perfect example it.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Quote, "My appreciation began with reading portions of film studies professor Carol J Clover's, men, women and chainsaw's, gender in the modern horror film. I learned a great deal from her theorization of the archetypal final girl, a smart, resilient, often androgynous protagonist with feminist potential for whom Halloween's Laurie Strode serves as an examplar."
Kat: They cited her study in the thing I was reading about, actually.
Ryley: Oh, cool.
Kat: But, yes, Laurie Strode is the prime example of that.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. And they quote, "another important aspect of horror movies that needs more critical inquiry is the foregrounding of female homosocial bonding." They go and describe the movie, and this [00:25:00] stuck out to me in the description, "Juno, the lone racially ambiguous character with potentially romantic feelings for Sarah, despite a previous affair with her husband, organized the expedition and her honor." I did not think Juno was- had potentially romantic feelings towards Sarah. I didn't pick up on that. I think her obsession with Sarah in the movie is guilt. That was how I read it.
Kat: Yeah. And I, I think. Okay, a couple things.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: First, yeah that. It was a lot of driven by, like this selfish need to be back in Sarah's good graces, yeah.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But the other thing I guess that maybe you could read as roma- potential romantic, but I think it's more so like Sarah had the thing she wanted, Sarah had this, the husband, she had the, this thing that she wanted, so less so romantic and more so like coveting what Sarah has and coveting what Sarah was able to achieve on her own without stealing it from somebody else.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: [00:26:00] The other thing I wanted to mention was, that did stick out to me, the, uh, racially ambiguous-
Ryley: mm-hmm.
Kat: Character being, uh, the villain is that she's, the way that the other characters interact with her and the way that she's treated by the movie, she is othered.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: And I think that that is something that might be wrong with this movie is that Juno- I don't know if it was on purpose maybe it was just the casting.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It, it does bring on this like vilifying and othering of the non-white person in the group.
Ryley: Exactly. Yeah.
Kat: But I don't think there's romantic feelings.
Ryley: Yeah, that one, it just really, that really just like stuck out and I was like, that's just a very interesting sentence alone, so.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And then they quote, "overall, I like the Descent. Though the majority of the crew meets an untimely demise, they're depicted as tough explorers who fight just as hard for survival as their male counterparts would. I think Sarah's grief over her daughter is thoughtful without debilitating her faculties. I also appreciate the movie does not collapse Gore. Sexual violence and exploitive representations of women's sexuality in ways characteristic [00:27:00] of contemporary releases like Eli Roth's 2007 feature, hostile part two, which also featured a female cast but aligned with the regrettable torture porn subgenre." I hate that. I hate that genre.
Kat: I do too.
Ryley: So much.
Kat: I'm glad that they mentioned that the lack of gore sexual violence or exploited- exploitative representation, literally like you could any gender, any group of any gender mix, whatever in this movie would be the exact same.
Ryley: Right. "While I think we should question the authority of the ubiquitous male writer director to shape horror productions, I think Marshall does a good job representing his female characters."
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Yeah. I think he did good for like a feminist film, like a male director.
Kat: I think in 2005, I don't think there was enough room. I mean, there obviously was room, but I don't think room was made for a woman to have made this movie, personally.
Ryley: Now, um, this next part, I, this is where I defer, um, a little bit of it, but not all of it. "However, I'm not entirely sold on the presence of the [00:28:00] crawlers. I'm not sure whether they are meant to stand in for the cruel erasure of Native American populations or the," injustice, "injustices waged against Appalachian communities as they are clumsy, incorporated into the larger narrative. Furthermore, I am not convinced that they need to be there. Danny Boyle recently directed 127 hours, which stars James Franco as a real life mountain climber, Aron Ralston, who cut off his own arm after being stuck under a rock in a Utah canyon for over five days. Though I haven't seen it, the reality seems pretty terrifying. Thus, though, it would be an altogether different movie, I believe the descent would be even more harrowing if it stayed out of the supernatural realm."
Kat: Uh, I, I think they needed a bigger threat than being lost.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: to add to like needing to get out, cuz if it was literally just we're trying to find an exit, you know, how fucking boring this movie would be.
Ryley: Well them literally saying a hun- like, Hey, 127 hours did it and it's a good mo- and they did- they haven't even seen it and they're saying like, well, 127 hours did it. So I'm like, that movie's [00:29:00] so fucking boring. I remember watching that. It's, first off, that movie's way, way too long that it.
Kat: That's what I've heard.
Ryley: The guy just sits there. So I agree. I don't mind the monsters. I understand like when they show like the cave paintings and all that like, and the fact that it's in the Appalachian Mountains, I understand how like there could be interpretations.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Cause it's never described what the crawlers are or where they come from, but it, I guess you could interpret it as that, and I can see that being offensive in a way, but I, I don't, I didn't see it that way, just from what this person says. I could see how you could see that, but I.
Kat: I didn't ever feel it was pointing that way. I-
Ryley: Right.
Kat: Like if the movie focused on, like if at the beginning they were reading about the myth of these creatures.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: But it's not, you know, they're just a threat, another threat to them.
Ryley: There's no history to them. There's no knowledge about them. There's no-
Kat: Exactly. They just discovered them. Yeah.
Ryley: Exactly. And they're just down there , [00:30:00] like.
Kat: Maybe it's like the manifestation of this, like, like them not being a unified force as a group, you know, it's their demons that like tears them apart.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And like, once they stop trusting each other, they start getting torn apart as a group, maybe.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: but I wouldn't even go as far to say that they need to mean anything other than a threat.
Ryley: At the end of the day, that's the whole thing. And there's like a few people who complain about, there's a few people who complain about like, where do they come from? I'm like.
Kat: It's not what it's about.
Ryley: And I'm sorry, don't you think it would jolt the movie if we just took a minute to figure out what they are?
Kat: Crawler history lesson.
Ryley: Yeah. It's like guys can just live in the moment. just accept what's happening.
Kat: It needs the supernatural element to first of all, make it horror.
Ryley: Uhhuh.
Kat: Second of all, to keep things pushing along.
Ryley: Exactly. Next we have. "Descent descends into bloody horror," it was posted in 2006 by Claudia Pugh from USA Today. "The Descent chronicles the story of a half dozen adventurous female friends, but thankfuly there's no sign of a [00:31:00] shopping montage or a fashion makeover, and not a moment of motown music mugging. Director Neil Marshall gets points for true grit in making a gruesome chick flick. Actually, the Descent is not aimed at either gender. It's made expressively for fans of unmitigated gore." Uh, "for my money, these first 20 or so minutes are the best in the film. Once the real adventure gets underway in the cave, things get less interesting. The British made Descent is handily shot and has already proved a hit overseas. Fans of Saw and The Cave will likely find it more gripping than those movies, but it doesn't match the subtle horrors of 2003's open water. When it comes to a female bonding and physical excursion, one wonders, why couldn't the group have just passed on spelunking and spent the weekend attending yoga classes at a spa?"
Kat: I mean, that's what I would wanna do.
Ryley: That's what I would do. I would not be spelunking, but.
Kat: No, spelunking is not for me, but okay, yeah, this movie is pretty, yeah. When they're getting torn apart by the crawlers. Yeah, it's a little, it's a little gory. I was about to, it's like, it's [00:32:00] not that gory, but it's like.
Ryley: It's a little.
Kat: It's a little bit gory. It's a little gory, isn't it?
Ryley: Just a little.
Kat: That's not why I watch it.
Ryley: The pool of blood it is a little bit a lot.
Kat: Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. A little bit.
Ryley: When you said that earlier. I was like, I'm not gonna say she's wrong.
Kat: No, no. I, I meant Just the beginning. I like that the beginning wasn't.
Ryley: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Kat: It didn't linger on that.
Ryley: No. Yeah. Yeah. I, I know what you're talking about yeah.
Kat: The stakes are higher in the cave.
Ryley: Things get turned around.
Kat: Yeah. Like her. Her fucking broken leg, like bone poking, poking out. Yeah. That's pretty gruesome. It's pretty, pretty gory.
Ryley: I think I hurt my leg. Yeah. Your bone's sticking out. Idiot.
Kat: I don't know if that's necessarily true with breaking your leg, but I think when you get injured like that.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Like really injured. It doesn't start hurting as bad as it does until you look at it.
Ryley: E- Exactly. Well, your, and I think your body goes into shock or something, or does that thing where it tries to numb the pain.
Kat: I saw a video where they interviewed people who've gotten shot before.
Ryley: Yeah. [00:33:00] And they didn't know.
Kat: And they said it, it didn't hurt until they saw the blood.
Ryley: Mm. And the bo- and the brain process is actually what happens. That's so, so messed up.
Kat: Mm-hmm. Our brains really are like, we're just trying to do the best for you. We're just trying to keep you, trying to keep you sane.
Ryley: Yeah. No, yeah. No kidding. They do their best.
Kat: Yeah. I, I agree with them. I've never seen open water.
Ryley: I did. I I hate, it's like in the last one, open water's boring. It's, it's a couple lost at sea and like sharks are Closing in, and it's a whole movie of that. And it's just like, that's it. That's all that happens.
Kat: I'm glad there are people in this world who find spelunking fun.
Ryley: I do not.
Kat: I do not. Yeah. That's basically the gist of it.
Ryley: Yeah. I, I do think the whole movie's interesting. Not just the first 20 minutes.
Kat: Not that I don't enjoy the other.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Parts of the movie, but I do think that that first 20 minutes is pretty interesting.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Personally, just like the-
Ryley: The drama.
Kat: The drama of it, you know? And like the bonding that we get there.
Ryley: The characters we meet. Yeah.
Kat: And [00:34:00] while like to this person, that's the more, the best part in the film to them. I think it, to me, the most it does is set up a good foundation for what happens in the cave.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. This next one, "Scaring Up Chills in the Descent" by Wesley Morris from Globe Staff written in 2006. "The Descent is a new British horror movie that leaves us exactly where we want to be at a film about six women stranded in a cave several miles underground, afraid of how in the dark we are,literally and otherwise. Being trapped is a terrible situation for them and great news for us because right around the time that Holly, Nora-Jane Noon, the mentalist who," jumps, "jumps off buildings, plummets down a hole and breaks her leg the movie starts to treat us to the unspeakable wickedness that surrounds them. Namely, it's a gang of perfectly evolved, pale-skinned Batman who look like a fanged, condoms. The cave is their home, and these girls are what's for dinner. Before the feasting begins, there's plenty of time to appreciate that these women will not be easy prey. They're brave, resourceful, educated, athletic, willing to fight, and their clothes stay on. For lad [00:35:00] magsubscribers this summer's wet t-shirt drought persists."
Kat: I I, okay.
Ryley: That's what I was trying to warn you earlier. But I thought it was important to include cuz just to give you perspective of this person.
Kat: I could see that as like a making fun of the lad mag.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Subscribers. So I I'll give him a pass.
Ryley: Yeah. "The movie doesn't do too much to flesh out all six women. So since five are from the United Kingdom, I was forced to label them. Spiky spice, passive aggressive spice, post traumatic spice, et cetera." Spiky spice is my favorite.
Kat: Oh my God. I just, it's one of those things where I think it'd be funnier if a woman said it.
Ryley: Exactly. It's unfortunate that man wrote this.
Kat: That's so funny.
Ryley: I know.
Kat: How dare you.
Ryley: I know. Post-traumatic spice. Oh God. "Selfish Juno appears to be the lone American, her decision to drag a bunch of unsuspecting English people into hostile territory under false pretense might [00:36:00] strike some as a, a tad presidential." I didn't really give shit and that's what Americans do so.
Kat: Yeah, I know we're sometimes the stereotypes about Americans are true.
Ryley: I can't argue. I'm not gonna argue it.
Kat: I really can't.
Ryley: "Really though she's a woman who will stop at nothing to survive. She's actually Sigourney Spice."
Kat: Sigourney spice.
Ryley: It's a- i, I don't, I feel like of any problem to have in this movie, like Juno being an American and being villainous is, I don't.
Kat: I mean, I think it just further adds to that otherness othered villain thing I was talking about.
Ryley: Right. But I think it's, I think it'd be more important to say like, since she's the only a racially ambiguous one in the movie. I think that's more important to say than.
Kat: Yeah, exactly.
Ryley: "The Descent works quite effectively. Writer-director Neil Marshall has some fun with the woman in jeopardy conventions of the slasher horror flicks from the 1970s and eighties. And the gotcha editing and use of shadows give the movie mischievous style." Ish style.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: [00:37:00] "Mercifully, this is not the hack work you expect from a LionsGate release. A Shakespearean seed of doubt is planted about one of the women's motives, and a functioning video camera contributes architecture of grainy ghoulish realism to the proceedings. That device actually makes you realize the film might be too polished, and that the illusion of truth digital video creates would have made the movie enjoyably harder to take. Otherwise, there are the women themselves to admire. Of course, one doesn't pique our interest until she's vengeful and blood soaked, evoking the ghost of Sissy Spacek's prom night Carrie. Her graduation from scaredy cat to wraith like superhero is perfect for a movie whose characters wend their way through a rocking womb and it's birth canal labyrinths only to pop triumph through the earth at the end. That's when we know we've witnessed something special. A cult classic is born."
Kat: True. Yeah. Really, the only thing I have to say is that I never, that never really clicked to me that she was the only American one. For some reason I thought there was another American one.
Ryley: Yeah, I never thought about it either.[00:38:00]
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Yeah. I didn't realize that.
Kat: I do think it's funny that they called the crawlers, perfectly evolved pale skin, Batman with- who looked like fanged condoms.
Ryley: Yeah, they kinda do.
Kat: I'm sure their little- their prosthetics probably felt like a giant condom.
Ryley: I was about to say. Yeah, that probably adds to it, you know.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: That was all the critic reviews. So now we're gonna move on to audience reviews. This first one is a 10 outta 10 from imdb. The title is "Leaves you sitting on your lunch," which took me a minute to figure out what that meant. I'll go ahead and read it.
Kat: I'll try and figure that one out.
Ryley: Yeah, I'll explain it if you, if you can. It was written in 2005, and they go on to say, "the descent is purely terrifying."
Kat: Oh, did they shit themselves?
Ryley: They shit themselves.
Kat: Oh, okay.
Ryley: It took me a second to figure that one out. I was like, is there a story ?
Kat: Di you sit on your lunch?
Ryley: Did you sit on your lunch?
Kat: My sandwich!
Ryley: That's literally how I thought. I was like.
Kat: Me too.
Ryley: It's so much stupider than that.
Kat: Oh, [00:39:00] sorry.
Ryley: I'm so glad that you also were like, what? Okay. "The Descent is purely terrifying. It will provide you with an experience that relates entirely to those of the characters on screen. Each one is trapped, isolated, and alone. In that theater, you will understand the fear of having no escape. The film like Its big brother Dog Soldiers, takes British horror to its deserved glory. Unlike such films as Creep, which was a complete mess, the Descent is a chilling experience that places believable characters into a situation that is strangely real, despite the obvious fiction. After a quarter of the film has passed, you pray for the characters escape as, in a way, you will also be saved from the mental onslaught that drives into your mind throughout. I didn't expect anything from this film before I walked into the theater, yet it is the greatest horror I have ever seen, and I am likely to for a very long time."
Kat: Yeah, I Have you ever seen creep?
Ryley: Is that with the?
Kat: So Creep is about trapped at a [00:40:00] London subway station, a woman who's being pursued by a potential attacker heads into the unknown labyrinth of tunnels beneath the Oh, so it's just somebody being trapped in the sub- in a subway system.
Ryley: Mm.
Kat: But I've never seen that, so I didn't know. I'll take this person's word for it.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: That it's bad.
Ryley: Yeah. It kind of, I don't know, just from the images it looks scary, but I dunno. Maybe I'll give it a watch.
Kat: Yeah. I agree with this person.
Ryley: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, leaves you sitting on your lunch. Yeah.
Kat: Yeah. You will shit yourself.
Ryley: Yep. It's a good way to, it's a good way to put it.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: This next ones a 1 out of 10 from IMBD. Says, "Afraid of the cinema? You will be." From 2005. "I went to see this after it received five stars from a very well known and trusted film magazine. What can I say? If you find the idea of a band of annoying women seeking redemption from one of the troop by climbing down a few caves then this, this is up your street. The creatures are a lift from this year's Creep, and by all accounts are related to bats. I think that their sonar is on the [00:41:00] fritz though, as they can't tell the difference between flesh and rock. They also have no sense of touch and cannot feel heat. Are you scared yet? I know that I was, but for all the wrong reasons. This film shows what a child can achieve in a couple of hours if he runs out of coloring books and decides to find another use for his wax crayon. I can't explain just how bad this film is. I hope this isn't all the British film industry has to offer or we are doomed. All in all, this film reaches the heady grade of a bag of poo." In fact, in fact, I can't take anyone seriously when they say that. "Kid next time you want a use for the crayon, do something more constructive like eating it or sending a letter to Santa."
Kat: Um, A couple things. I know they're British because they say up your street.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: instead of saying, we say up your alley.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: they say up your street. So I know you're British. Can't hide from me.
Ryley: Got a British.
Kat: Oh, British.
Ryley: British.
Kat: Also, the only annoying one is Juno. Okay.
Ryley: Yeah, there's a handful. Holly [00:42:00] got, Holly kinda loses it at the end. Especially when she like,
Kat: yeah.
Ryley: She thinks she sees daylight.
Kat: She's injured.
Ryley: She just like shoves her way through and she's not listening to Juno like to slow down.
Kat: That's-
Ryley: she kinda ruined, you know, she breaks her own leg. I understand like how some of them can come off as annoying, but like, not all of them.
Kat: That's survive- they're, but Holly's only like, that part's only only happens because she's desperate to live.
Ryley: Yeah. She also does that thing-
Kat: Juno put them there.
Ryley: Where she, she shoots down like they go down their cave and she goes too fast. She's like, she's too reckless.
Kat: She's a little too eager.
Ryley: She's, she's a little reckless. So I can understand being.
Kat: That's fair. That's fair.
Ryley: Cause I was agitated for that.
Kat: Yeah. But eh.
Ryley: That's about it. Those are the two those were really the only two things.
Kat: If you described them as a band of annoying women, um, you're probably an annoying person.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. You probably shit along this movie because it's only women.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This next one's from letterboxd, it's three and a half stars. "Made me realize I'm not super clear on how ropes work." Yeah. If anything, I don't know [00:43:00] how rock climbing works either. This next one's also from letterboxd. This one's four stars. And they said, "sometimes it's just nice to see one of these that has so little on its mind beyond what serves its pure, gnarly craftsmanship. Like there's basically no reason or explanation for this to make the turn from survival movie to monster movie, it was honestly scary enough as is, but goddamn does it make that turn anyway and do so insanely effectively. So many wet and filthy looking low light setups home to a pretty much nonstop sea of tearing, puncturing, gushing, and screaming. That's the good stuff."
Kat: That was a perfect way to put it.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It's like what we were talking about earlier. If it didn't have those monsters, I don't know where this movie was going. And yes, it may seem like a weird thing to add in.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But they do it so fucking well. They add it in there because it has to do with the group's trust of each other too.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Because Sarah's like, I saw something and Juno was like, you didn't see anything.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: It helps break them.
Ryley: Exactly. Exactly. And I'm glad that one actually, that I got to read that one first cuz like the next ones [00:44:00] from IMDb are gonna be arguing against that but.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Now we have this.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This one's a one outta 10 from IMDB. Titled, "don't watch it." From 2006. "It was probably the worst movie I've ever seen." I was going to, "I was going to just cuss it out, but to follow guidelines from IMDb, I have to actually write a review with substance. It was definitely the most disappointing movie I've ever seen. I actually wanted to go see it quite badly. It looked like it would actually be scary because I was expecting it to be suspenseful not just relying on gore for the fright, but actual plot development. But none of this happened. The acting was also horrible and there were random pointless sudden flashes, the kind that are supposed to make you jump out of your seat, but they made no sense. And there was no explanation for anything. Like why are these demented adapted humans living in a cave. There's no justification for it at all. If you scare really easily, then it will scare you so go see it. Or if you like to laugh at really horrible movies like me, then you might want to watch it. But no matter what, do not spend $8 to see this in the theaters."
Kat: Okay. Cause you, you did mention that there [00:45:00] were people that were like, you need to explain the, the crawlers.
Ryley: This is one of them. Yeah.
Kat: My thing with it is it didn't feel personally like a thing that needed to be explained.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Um, because why the fuck would they have the answers to that the situation they're in does not lend to needing to explain them. These things are not gonna walk up and be like, well, you see my people.
Ryley: I'm sorry this is so fucking funny.
Kat: We've been here for- no.
Ryley: No one- yeah. Like it do you know much it would throw the movie off and take it off that t- that tension.
Kat: Yeah. It would ruin the pacing.
Ryley: The build. Yeah, exactly. It would, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
Kat: No.
Ryley: Use your imagination.
Kat: It would be so unrealistic too. It like, I understand it's unrealistic that the people don't even be down there blah blah.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: whatever, but like the realism within this movie would be broken.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: By them getting an explanation for these things.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: I don't know what what you want out of a movie if you just want it to give you every single piece of information right at [00:46:00] the front. Just go read a fucking book.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. And I don't know how you can sit, sit, sit through this movie and say, it's not suspenseful.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Like the, the whole build up to this movie is like, what's happening like in the cave.
Kat: Yeah. I just, I don't, I don't understand why people feel like they needed an explanation for the crawlers personally.
Ryley: Yeah. I think it's annoying to ask for that. It's like, it doesn't matter.
Kat: They stumble upon a dusty book.
Ryley: No kidding. Like, what do you want, man? Come on.
Kat: It tells you enough when they find animal bones, they find human bones, they find really old climbing equipment that there's something that's threatening in this cave.
Ryley: They live here. I don't know what else you want.
Kat: Something threatening is in there.
Ryley: Exactly. This next one is two stars from letterboxd. And it says, "the part where it was dark and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Iconic."
Kat: Literally.
Ryley: There's some moments like where, and this can be in any movie where there's like darkness and.
Kat: Yeah. [00:47:00] It happens in hereditary where you just can't tell what's fucking going on.
Ryley: Exactly. Cuz it's so dark and like, it's just like the confusion of the cave, not not knowing the surroundings of the environment they're in. And they don't even either. Like it's going to happen like you. Yeah you don't know what's happening. I think that's purposeful.
Kat: It's a device.
Ryley: It's a device.
Kat: In this one.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And that adds to like the tension of like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know where they are.
Kat: Yeah. It's the immersion of it.
Ryley: Uhhuh. The next one's, one outta 10 stars says, "that was horrendous." This was written in 2005. "I just watched this film and it made me want to be physically sick. Not because of the gore, but because the whole film was based around the brutal killing of women for no reason. Whoever thought of this film honestly had a fetish for ripping women's throats out and for watching them do abnormally violent things. I have no problems with the acting in this film I just hate films that have rubbish story, eg the creatures in the caves. I mean, what the hell? They were just there without explanation or possible reason. The ending didn't clear anything up at all, and I [00:48:00] just made the whole film even more unexplainable."
Kat: I have a bone to pick with feminists who are worried about shit that does not matter.
Ryley: You must not like horror movies at all.
Kat: Cause you wouldn't say that if this was all men.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: So you're kind of, I don't know, like I don't wanna see women brutally killed. How- how dare men make a movie where women are put in a situation that is normally populated, overpopulated by men. Aw. Shut up dude. You're the reason people think we're annoying.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. I- Yeah, I just don't get it cuz like, you just, you must not like the horror genre.
Kat: Yeah. It's all about the brutal killing of women.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: But this- At least they're, they're allowed to fight back more in this movie.
Ryley: Exactly. Exactly. I think, yeah, it's just obnoxious. It's just annoying. Um.
Kat: They're, yeah, they're, this, this seems like somebody who just that day learned about feminism.
Ryley: Which is- I just-
Kat: Dude, I'm so sorry.
Ryley: Just [00:49:00] found out about feminism. I'm so sorry.
Kat: I'm so sorry ladies. I apologize.
Ryley: The next one, "last week I was at a wedding I was talking to somebody who casually mentioned that they'd been watching this movie every night to help them get to sleep and then they just casually started talking about something else as if what they just said wasn't the most fucked up thing in the world."
Kat: I mean, I spent a whole summer falling asleep to the paranormal activity movies, so I really have no room to speak on whether that's the most fucked up thing.
Ryley: This one's different. This one's . I could not imagine relaxing even remotely with this movie on. Nothing about this movie.
Kat: I could.
Ryley: If I woke up in the middle of this movie, I, I, I pro, yeah, I'd probably scream.
Kat: I could fall asleep to this movie.
Ryley: You gonna say that like, that's not the most fucked thing in the world.
Kat: Anyway, , I, okay. I wouldn't, I wouldn't use it to help me go to sleep.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But you know if I'm
Ryley: You could drift away.
Kat: I could, I could be like, I'm gonna take a [00:50:00] nap I'm gonna put a movie on. I might, I might put the descent on. I dunno.
Ryley: I meanwhile, I'm in the corner like shaking like a scared dog, , like I could not.
Kat: For once in our friend trip, I'm asleep And you're awake.
Ryley: Yeah. I fall asleep i, that is true. I fall asleep to any movie. If you gimme a blanket and I'm not sitting up horizontally.
Kat: You might walk in to us hanging out and think I'm being a dick cause I haven't given her a blanket but trust me, I just wanna
Ryley: It's to keep her-
Kat: I'm just trying to hang out with my friend.
Ryley: Keep me awake.
Kat: She's being a dick. She's sleepy.
Ryley: I am. But with this movie, it does not matter. I'm not, I I could not fall asleep.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I'm on edge. I'm thinking in the dark hallway that I'm somehow clo- I'm always closest to the darkest hallway, wherever I'm watching this movie in any house or apartment.
Kat: Yes.
Ryley: I'm always.
Kat: It's looming.
Ryley: I'm always in there. It's always, I'm always closest to the darkest hall of your bathroom and it's always in there. That is, that is always the case.
Kat: I, okay. So I, I would not use it to help me go to sleep.
Ryley: Right, right.
Kat: But I [00:51:00] could theoretically fall asleep if this movie was on.
Ryley: That's you. And that's okay. That's what you do.
Kat: Hey. Hey. Some of us just love horror, okay.
Ryley: Anyway, moving on. Thank you Branson for sharing that.
Kat: Gained a point with Ryley. Lost a point with me. No, but I imagine, imagine just casually saying that you use it to fall asleep, though. I would, I would be very thrown.
Ryley: I would be thrown too, like using it to fall asleep. I understand that's, that's, um.
Kat: That's weird.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: That is weird.
Ryley: Right. So this next one, it's one outta 10 stars. It's from IMDb says, "I wanna refund" 2005. "Don't waste your money."
Kat: Leichest- you're gonna, you're gonna struggle with that.
Ryley: I'm going to. Let's see what I do.
Kat: While you, while you read that, I'm gonna look up how to pronounce this word.
Ryley: "Just got bad from watching this at," I'm gonna say "Leicester Square." That's why I'm gonna go with Leicester, "for 11 pounds."
Kat: Oh my god. [00:52:00]
Ryley: How do you say it? Lester?
Kat: It's Leicester. That's the American. What's the British pronunciation?
Pronunciation: Lester.
Kat: Lester. Are you kidding me? Why are you? You're using up all the vowels.
Ryley: Yeah, no kidding.
Kat: Those are expensive.
Ryley: "Just got back from watching this at Leicester Square for 11 pounds. I've only fallen asleep during one movie well before today. Now I've fallen asleep twice, one of the worst movies I've ever seen in the 25 years I've been alive, I was really annoyed and I felt like asking for my money back. This movie is really slow and only seems to have a few minutes of excitement during the whole film, not much of a story either. If you wanna see a good, exciting horror movie, I'd advise ya to stay the hell away from the movie. Instead go to a B and Q and buy some white paint and watch the paint dry. This is a sort of film that when it comes out on DVD, doesn't even deserve to be a drinks coaster. Big thumbs down from me, also, my mate thought it was poor excuse for a movie as well. Don't waste your money." I just love that they threw in [00:53:00] their friend. Also, my friend.
Kat: My buddy thought it was bad too.
Ryley: So there you go.
Kat: His name's Roger Ebert.
Ryley: I love that. That's so funny.
Kat: Oh.
Ryley: I just like this one because it's uh, I just can't take it seriously. I just can't.
Kat: Just go back from watching this at Leicester Square
Ryley: That's how they have to sound like.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: So I don't have any, I don't have any comments about this one other than. It's just fun to read. That was a fun read.
Kat: It's fun. That is, that is, I just am still hung up on the amount of letters they wasted on the word Leicester.
Ryley: There shouldn't, there should not be an I in there.
Kat: No, there shouldn't be a C or another E. Like they could have taken out the middle of that word and it would still be pronounced the same.
Ryley: Yep.
Kat: Ugh the British
Ryley: So fucking funny. This next one's from letterboxd, it's four stars. "Still a blast. The claustrophobic nature of this gets to me more," than- "than methed-out Gollums, but together they are a great combo. Great tension, great characters, great [00:54:00] setting. Killer original UK ending. Fuck Juno and her mama too."
Kat: I, I feel like meth goum is a way that, uh, Trixie Mattel would describe Katya in a video.
Ryley: I love that.
Kat: And Katya would be like, yep.
Ryley: Yep. Uhhuh. This is a three stars from Letterboxd. "This is a more powerful piece of feminist cinema than little women."
Kat: Yeah. That one's about men.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. I I don't know if it passed the Bechdel test or not.
Kat: I've never seen little women, so I don't know.
Ryley: I've never seen it. I'm gonna leave it there.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This is three and a half stars from letterboxd. "Think I hurt my leg and the bone is literally sticking out." and I think I quoted that earlier, but I thought it was a little funny moment cuz. Well, we were talking about it like, your body doesn't know what's immediately has happened until it might see it.
Kat: Yeah. Until you look at it or you see the blood. Yeah.
Ryley: Your brain processes what's happening.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Next one is from IMDb. It's one out of 10. It says, "flat out terrible." "After checking on several websites that claimed this film to be [00:55:00] exceptional and a work of art in the horror genre, I thought I would've give it a shot, despite being wary of horror movies in the past five years. This movie's plot was extremely horrible and the actresses were dreadful and the scenes were weak. The movie did have promise with a good idea of being trapped in an unexplored cave, but once again, Hollywood sells out by slapping in some supernatural nothingness. The movie was sloppy, it substituted ingenuity for squirty blood that looked all too fake. This adds to the list of the many movies that are ruining the genre Ring 2, house of wax, cabin fever and hostel. This movie's not even worth watching even if someone else rents it, it was that bad."
Kat: Don't lump this movie in with those movies.
Ryley: Yeah, and I'm sorry those movies are ruining the genre. Really?
Kat: I feel like this kind of adds to the argument I was making. I don't remember when, but we've talked about it before where like it is really hard if you're trying to have some faith in horror film to just kind of try and jump in. Cuz there's a lot of really bad movies.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But you've said many times there's a lot of [00:56:00] really good ones. You have to find the really good ones.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And if you think that a couple of bad movies are gonna ruin a genre?
Ryley: You're a baby.
Kat: You're a baby. Even in 2006, there were really good ones.
Ryley: This one. Exactly.
Kat: Yeah. But they don't, they don't think it's good. So I, this person just doesn't sound like they have taste.
Ryley: That's the thing like.
Kat: I mean, the movies they listed are bad, but I don't think this movie's on that level.
Ryley: No, I don't either. And eh, they didn't get it.
Kat: That's too bad.
Ryley: That is too bad.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This next one's from letterboxd, it's four and a half Stars. "When people tell me a movie is scary, I 100% of the time assume they're idiots who have seen three movies in their entire life. I should have listened to those idiots when it came to this one. My skin has crawled off of my body and descended into another realm." I also have a bad habit of doing this.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: A lot of times I'm right.
Kat: Yeah. Well, it depends on the person for me.
Ryley: Exactly, if I don't know the person, like if I see a review of it, like someone from TikTok, I'm like, I don't know sounds.
Kat: TikTok has led me astray so many times with movies.
Ryley: I did it recently with [00:57:00] Smile. I didn't, it's it's not terrible. It's not bad.
Kat: I kept hearing like, it was amazing.
Ryley: People keep saying it's amazing. Uh, I guess I didn't get that. It's, it has scary moments.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: I, I just wasn't as,
Kat: Wowed?
Ryley: Wowed and like, it's, it's, it's a movie about trauma.
Kat: As they all seem to be.
Ryley: Exactly. And it- heavily on suicide.
Kat: Is it like off the idea of like telling someone to smile, smile through it?
Ryley: No, it's, it's not a feminist take like that. It's.
Kat: No, no, no, no. I mean, like, when you're depressed, like, people just tell you like, you just have to choose to be happy.
Ryley: Um, it's, it's more. Someone obviously struggling and no one being there to help.
Kat: Okay.
Ryley: And being told more of like, you're a burden.
Kat: Oh. Like it's hard to smile.
Ryley: Right. Exactly. Like I don't well I don't believe you. It's like stuff like that.
Kat: Okay.
Ryley: And like trauma and all that. And it is, it has scary moments. I wasn't, it wasn't of the horror movies I've [00:58:00] seen so far this wasn't one of my favorites, I would not say.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Um, but I love this review. I love this review cuz I completely agree and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised sometimes I'm like, well that was great.
Kat: I, there are only a few people whose, um, opinions on horror movies I will take.
Ryley: Not to be the dick, but like.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I, it, yeah. You kinda, I I kind of need someone, I need, I need,
Kat: I need a trustworthy person.
Ryley: I'll take your word for it, you know? With a pinch of salt.
Kat: Yeah, definitely.
Ryley: The next one is four stars from letterboxd and it says, "I've said it once and I'll say it again. Fuck Beth and Sarah." Juno did not deserve that shit. "Juno did not deserve that shit." Yeah, I included this one because what the hell is this review?
Kat: I'm worried that this is one of those people that's like an, I don't care if he has a boyfriend, I'm I wanna fuck him like that kind of person. You know the people who are like hell bent on being a home wrecker.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: Or like, oh, but she [00:59:00] fell in love with him. So it's di- No, no.
Ryley: No.
Kat: No.
Ryley: You slept with your friend's husband. You're a piece of shit. And you led all your friends to an unexplored cave and put them in danger.
Kat: Lied to them. You lied to them. You told them they were going somewhere else.
Ryley: You lied to everyone. You've been lying to everyone.
Kat: You led,them into an unexplored cave and all they had was the maps, routes, and emergency notification they had to give for a different fucking cave. You massive massive dumb ass. She deserved what Holly got.
Ryley: Exactly. Yeah. I don't know. I think Juno's is pretty good cuz like the one person she was trying to kind of reconcile with and ended up like setting her up to be killed.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Which I think is June gets hers.
Kat: She deserved every bit of it.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, I don't know if this person, I don't know if this person just wrote this just to get the likes, you know, and the views. But like, if you, if they actually have this mindset, holy you must you, that's a red flag. This is a red flag.
Kat: [01:00:00] That is a huge red Flag.
Ryley: Who you are as a person.
Kat: This Is a terrifying viewpoint to come outta this movie with.
Ryley: What did Beth do?
Kat: Yeah what did?
Ryley: What has beth?
Kat: Juno literally accidentally kills her and leaves her by herself to die.
Ryley: What did Beth do? Beth didn't do anything.
Kat: What did Beth do? Beth caught her. All Beth did was catch her in the act.
Ryley: That's how, that's how you know they know what Juno did.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Cause they're saying, fuck Beth. Yeah. So that was a review that I came across.
Kat: That's terrifying.
Ryley: Yeah. It's almost as terrifying as the movie.
Kat: Don't go spelunking with that person.
Ryley: No, no, no. This is a one outta 10 from IMDb says, "no nothing." 2011. "In this film, you'll find no plot, no thrill, no plausible character development, no real scary monsters, just some columns being thin and rather vulnerable, no real common sense. Stares, anyone at least, at least a female, to go into unknown caves, no logical [01:01:00] sequence what one on earth was the car accident scene for, no real performance, all female characters played unbelievably poorly, no medical truth, how can one speak with an ice pick lacerating their throat, no logic in explaining how those monsters ate and where they get their plentiful amount of food, since bones are numerous, no explanation why the seemingly US vehicle was moving on a British side of the road, no real suspense and no real fright, no humor, and no irony. Simply there's no nothing," at all. "Not at all that is worth spending your bucks and time for." First off, you got half this movie wrong.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: With the details.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: They're in the Appalachian Mountains. That's in North, North Carolina, the us. Um, what else they have no, what on earth was the car accident seen for, um, to show trauma character? What happens to a character?
Kat: Yeah. It when you get to, when you find out. Juno is kind of the reason the car accident happened.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: and this, they're going on this whole trip because Juno is trying to make it up to Sarah.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: [01:02:00] What are you talking about? Because they wrote in 2011, did they watch it in 2005 and wait until 2011 to write the review? Forgot some details.
Ryley: Exactly. Also had asked like how the monsters ate and where they get their plentiful amount of food. Obviously, like there's a cave entrance somewhere where they go and get food.
Kat: They also straight up, say animal bones before they find the human bones.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: They eat, they eat animals.
Ryley: They eat animals. There's obviously an entrance somewhere where they go in and out to hunt. That's o- that's just like, that's just context clues. If anything that's your hint that, hey, there's an exit for the characters to escape from.
Kat: Yeah. It seems like they yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Ryley: They like, they barely watched. You know, I'm just like, whatever. This next one's, one out of 10 from IMDb. It's called "This movie was terrible and extremely stupid." Yeah, 2007. "I don't see how anyone with any type of intelligence could think this movie was good or scary. The only scary parts were just parts that made you jump with things flying out of nowhere, which has pretty much been done a million times in other movies. Other than this, these stupid half human cave dwellers trying to [01:03:00] kill and eat these six girls. I never really like the bloody and violent scary movies, but this one was just plain stupid. The gore was fine, but was obviously overdone for no apparent reason. Then there was a bit of a twist to the plot at the end, and then the movie just ends without explaining anything about Sarah, we never find out why she has the problem she does, did suddenly traumatic happen to her in the past? We never find out how these half human caved dwellers got there and who they are. Were they human at one time and adapted to being stuck in the cave? Who knows. I would really like to try and understand why anyone liked this movie or thought it was scary at all. I don't get it." Did you not watch the first five minutes of the movie.
Kat: They just start this movie 20 minutes in?
Ryley: It's kind of apparent that they did, but you would think they would note that going, I didn't see the first 20 minute.
Kat: Also, this movie is not about the crawlers.
Ryley: It's not.
Kat: It's not about them.
Ryley: It's not about learning about them.
Kat: No.
Ryley: I know you really want to, but it's just not.
Kat: I get it. I get it. It's, it's an interesting [01:04:00] concept.
Ryley: It is.
Kat: I just need one of these people to effectively tell me how they would, they would give us insight into who they are.
Ryley: Exactly, and I know a bunch of movies do that. Like they'll always have the scientists on the team who can just compile all this the little.
Kat: This is the, the mythical cave people of the blah blah blah.
Ryley: Exactly. Like, I remember reading an article 10 years ago about this. Like, what?
Kat: Oh my God. This is where my father left off his study.
Ryley: He finds a skull with little glasses on it. He goes, oh, Papa.
Kat: Finds a copy of Journey to the Center of the Earth.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: Oh my God.
Ryley: This is the last review, 10 outta 10 from IMDb written, it was written 2021. So this is our most recent review besides the letterboxd ones.
Kat: Sorry, I was just laughing at you going papa.
Ryley: Papa!
Kat: Sorry.
Ryley: So this one goes, "this movie is a nail biter. I would even label it a classic. It's full of thrills horror adventure, and even a little mystery. It [01:05:00] didn't take long to learn that this movie was going to try to get us with jump Scares. If the jump scares don't please the horror fans, the blood and almost endless suspense will. As if being lost in the cave isn't scary enough, this cave is full of creatures that six women must battle while searching for a way out. The creatures inhabiting this cave are truly terrifying. Their appearance is blood curdling and their screams will send shivers down your spine. Before the creatures even make their appearance, we're unnerved with claustrophobia as we watch the women crawl their way through tight, dark tunnels. It's also a fun element that rather than being helpless victims, these women decide to fight back. These characters are strong, intelligent, likable and relatable. You can't help but be invested in their journey. Brace yourself as you venture into this cave. It will have you on the edge of your seat."
Kat: True.
Ryley: Very true. I think this is like just a good, like, just collective of.
Kat: The last one usually wraps it up for us pretty well.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. .
Kat: Yeah. I don't have anything to add to that. I think they said it.
Ryley: All right. What do you rate this movie?
Kat: I think I'm gonna give it, I'm gonna give it nine outta 10.
Ryley: I was gonna settle for a [01:06:00] nine Outta 10 too.
Kat: This is just a all around, like they said, fucking classic of a horror movie.
Ryley: I think so too.
Kat: And if you don't get it, I don't know what's wrong with you.
Ryley: That's the thing like, this is one of those horror movies where I'm like, I don't understand how you don't appreciate this at the very least, like.
Kat: Yeah, I think we've said a lot.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: and I think, I think we've said enough.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But is there anything else you wanna add?
Ryley: No.
Kat: Okay, so if you want to suggest a movie to us that we haven't done yet, or you have any comments or concerns, or you wanna send us a meme, you can DM us on Instagram at Easy Bake Takes. We also have a TikTok also at Easy Bake Takes. We also have transcripts of every podcast episode on our website, easy Bake takes podcast.com. And wherever you listen, don't forget to follow us and leave a review or a rating because that really helps us out. And thank you so much for listening. My name's Kat
Ryley: and I'm Ryley.
Kat: This has been Easy Bake Takes. Easy watching out there.
Ryley: Bye
Kat: bye.[01:07:00]