Almost Said Oprah (Orphan: First Kill Review)
Esther is back! Kat and Ryley review the prequel to the 2009 film Orphan! 13 years later and Isabelle Fuhrman has still got it.
Review Overview: Don't go into this with high expectations. Neither of us had any expectations of it going in and were genuinely just happy to be there.
Isabelle Fuhrman, in her 20s, portraying a child takes a lot of suspension of disbelief to take seriously. Aside from that and the goofiness of the cuts from her adult-sized head to a child stand, the movie is entertaining.
It has some continuity errors from the first movie.
It is really cool to learn about Esther's past, but this movie makes you want to know even more about her. Specifically her life in Estonia.
Kat: 6.5/10
Ryley: 6/10
Both: [00:00:00] Hello
Kat: and welcome to
Both: Easy Bake Takes
Ryley: the podcast!
Kat: Where we read you the one star reviews of your favorite movies and more. My name's Kat
Ryley: and I'm Ryley. And we are gonna do Orphan First Kill the Prequel to Orphan, which we did last week.
Kat: Horror movie marathon.
Ryley: We're starting out strong.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: This came out this year. 2022.
Kat: Yeah. In August.
Ryley: Yeah. Right. Oh God, really?
Kat: Same weekend. I got proposed too.
Ryley: Just gonna drop that there.
Kat: Yeah. Well we watched the movie before We like the day before we went. He went and proposed to me.
Ryley: Oh my God, that's so fantastic. I love that. Well, it's rated R. It's an hour, 39 minutes, so perfect.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: very good.
Kat: I didn't even realize it was short. Like the other one was that much [00:01:00] longer.
Ryley: Like it's like two hours, right?
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of odd. This one hour 39. It's perfect. I'm gonna go ahead and read you the plot. On January 26th, 2007, Estonian Psych psychiatric patient, Leena Clammer, a 31 year old woman with a rare hormonal disorder called, you're gonna have to help me out with that.
Kat: Hypopituitarism.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. that gives her the appearance of a 10 year old child orchestrates an escape from the Saarne Institute by seducing and killing her guard and hiding in the car of Anna, an art therapist. After breaking into Anna's house and killing her. Leena looks up missing American girls, fys that she bears resemblance to a girl named Esther Albright, who went missing in 2003, posing as a lost girl. Leena is approached by an Estonian police officer and introduces herself as Esther, claiming that her parents are in the United States. In Darien, Connecticut, wealthy artist Allen Albright and his wife, philanthropist Tricia, who has since come to terms with the disappearance of their daughter, are informed by [00:02:00] Detective Donnan that Esther has been found. Tricia travels to the US Embassy in Moscow, where she is reunited with Esther. Tricia brings Esther home and immediately starts to have doubts when she notices that Esther has forgotten about the death of her grandmother, or that her painting skills have increased enormously compared to before she disappeared. Leena grows fond of Allen after they both start bonding over their painting skills and tries to separate him from Tricia. While Tricia and Allen attend a charity gala hosted by Tricia, Donnan arrives at the house, and steals a vinyl record from Esther's room- room, which has Leena's fingerprints on it.
Kat: That's the story that's the glory of love.
Ryley: Does she sing it on the first one?
Kat: Mm-hmm. She sings it whenever she like she asks the other mom I don't like I don't wanna take a bath with the door open.
Ryley: Okay. That makes sense.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: He takes it back to his house, unaware that Leena has followed him and analyzes the fingerprints to find it is not a match. Leena attacks Donnan before Tricia arrives, having followed Leena and shoots him dead. Tricia reveals that she knows Leena is not Esther who died four [00:03:00] years earlier during an altercation with Tricia's son Gunner, which Tricia covered up without Allen's knowledge. Leena reveals her true identity to Tricia and the two then dispose of Donnan's body in a cellar hatch where Esther was buried and frame his disappearance as a vacation trip by forging an email to the police station. Knowing that it would be too suspicious of Esther were to disappear again, Tricia agrees to continue Leena's act for Allen's sake, and Leena and Tricia remain on guard with each other. Tricia eventually attempts to poison Leena during dinner, but Leena refuses to eat the food and excuses herself. Leena feeds the food to the rat that lives in her room, and later finds the rodent dead from ingesting the poison meal. Leena retaliates by making a green smoothie mixed with the rodents carcass for Tricia. That was nasty.
Kat: Mm-hmm. That was Oh, I would've thrown up too.
Ryley: Yeah. Allen reveals he is going into the city to meet about a potential art gallery. At the train station, Leena attempts to kill Tricia and Gunner by pushing them in front of a train, but her attempts are interrupted by a passing commuter. With Allen away, Leena tries fleeing by stealing Tricia's car, but she is soon found by a [00:04:00] police officer. That night, Leena is brought back to the Albright house, and Tricia and Gunner finally decided to kill Leena. Tricia tries to stage a suicide, but Leena fights back and flees before Gunner throws her down the stairs. Distracted by a phone call from Allen, who is returning home, Tricia and Gunner search for her when she disappears. Leena shoots Gunner with a crossbow, then repeatedly stabs him with his fencing sword. Tricia and Leena fight in the kitchen and inadvertently setting, inadvertently setting the house a light in the process and the pair flee to the roof as Allen returns home. Tricia and Leena both slip and end up clinging to the roof, begging Allen to save them with Leena, claiming that Tricia attacked her and Tricia trying to reveal the truth about Leena. Tricia falls to her death and Allen lifts Leena to the roof. As he comforts her, Leena removes her disguise, realizing she is not Esther, Allen calls her a monster. Enraged, she pushes him, pushes him off the roof to his death, um, then leaves the burning house after cleaning off the blood on her face and dressing herself as Esther. Later, Esther has moved to an orphanage where she waits for a new family [00:05:00] to adopt her.
Kat: I wonder what happens after that.
Ryley: Exactly. We have a director, William Brent Bell, and then we have screenplay writer, David Coggshell, and then the story by David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick and Alex Mace.
Kat: He wrote the script for, oh, the first movie, and then Alex Mace came up with the story for the first movie as well.
Ryley: Oh, cool. Okay. The cast is of course, with Isabelle Fuhrman, who plays Esther slash Leena, Julia Stiles plays Tricia Albright, Rossif Sutherland plays Allen Albright, Hiro Kanagawa plays Detective Donnan, Matthew Finlan plays Gunner and Samantha Walkes plays Dr. Segar, the therapist. I have a little bit of trivia. Filmed from November, November through December of 2020. Isabelle Fuhrman was 23, which makes her closer to the age of Leena, the true identity of Esther, than when she appeared in the first film where she had turned 11 during filmmaking. Some of the casts who were in the same highness as Isabelle Furman, while in frame had to wear tall platform shoes while standing next to her to make her appear [00:06:00] shorter acting as forced perspective.
Kat: Why didn't they just stand on an Apple box? Why'd they have to wear platform shoes? I guess if they're walking. If they're walking.
Ryley: If they're walking. But also like half the time she was in frame, it just looked like she was like, like on her knees, you know?
Kat: Yes.
Ryley: And they were just filming from that perspective. It looked so-
Kat: That's what I thought.
Ryley: That's what I thought too. Or like on a stool just shorter somehow.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: One of the film's goals as a preschool was to cover up a much criticized plot hole in the first film, which is how exactly did Esther get from Estonia to an American orphanage without having been dropped off by anybody. Even with forged paperwork, Esther would not have been able to simply show up with it.
Kat: That's true. That is true. And I didn't even think of that as a plot hole. I was just like, this bitch seems like determined. So I believe that she got here somehow.
Ryley: I, I wanna note that they say in the 2009 movie that she's from Russia. Like that's just a line. Like.
Kat: Yeah. They don't e- they don't even say that she was their child.
Ryley: No, she doesn't they don't. Cause technically if we were basing it off this movie, she is [00:07:00] American. She was just kidnapped.
Kat: And like she developed the accent. Yeah.
Ryley: Exactly. She, which isn't a real thing. And that's like, like there's an actual case where like a guy tried to do. But they were like, you were like 13 . There's no way you would pick up an accent.
Kat: They said she was taken when she was young enough to where like she could have, I think it wouldn't have been as heavy. I could see like a small child, like developing it in like slight ways, but not.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: Not a 13 year old.
Ryley: Like if she was a toddler? Sure.
Kat: She'd been gone for a few years.
Ryley: But like, she was also like the real Esther was writing in a journal. This was an elementary school child.
Kat: Old enough to write. Yeah. Like a first grader.
Ryley: It would've not happened.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: It would've not happened. But anyway, so like in this movie, technically, if she is Esther, which she, she takes that persona, she is like, she's gonna be identified as American. She has-
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Esther's papers. So the fact that in the 2009 film they say she's Russian doesn't, that doesn't add up.
Kat: Cause I always thought the mom and [00:08:00] the the other one finds the journal or the, the Bible.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Sees the Saarne Institute and she calls, and it's an Estonia.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: So like that sort of gets cleared up.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: but the, the fact that the orphanage gets her origin wrong.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: And I guess that's, yeah, that's just like a continuity error from the first movie to this prequel.
Ryley: It's complicated. It's so complicated.
Kat: I feel like they were more focused on filling that plot hole of How'd she get here?
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: But it's like rich people adopt babies from other countries all the time.
Ryley: That's true. Very true.
Kat: So like, I guess like it wasn't a pothole to me.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Personally that I, I guess, I don't know. It didn't come up in any of any of this stuff last week.
Ryley: That's the thing. I wasn't bothered by it. Like it, it made sense to me. But like with the prequel, that's when it kind of got altered for me.
Kat: They dug a bigger plot hole trying to fill this one.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: A little bit more trivia. Similarly to the first film, the poster is perfectly symmetrical this time with half of ster. Back [00:09:00] mirrored with the addition of blood splatter on one of her shoulders.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Isabelle Fuhrman is the only cast member from the original movie to return.
Kat: Well, why would the other ones return?
Ryley: They're all, yeah, exactly. Why would they show up? But that's, that's what they wanted to throw in there. But they, they could have showed up. That would've been interesting.
Kat: It would've, it would've like at the, at the end maybe.
Ryley: Yeah. These next two trivia points are really funny.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: I'm gonna, I'll read it back to back. Isabelle Fuhrman was digitally de-aged to make her appear similar to how she does in the original film.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: I don't think they were successful at that.
Kat: She looked young. She looked young. Just not 10.
Ryley: She didn't look the same.
Kat: No.
Ryley: And the same breath back to back. This trivia from IMDb goes, according to director William Brent Bell, they didn't use a lot of digital effects to do this instead using makeup force perspective and a body double for certain shots.
Kat: I guess. Well, if they only digitally de-aged her, maybe the other stuff wasn't, you know, maybe I don't- so you're a liar, is what you're telling me.
Ryley: who's telling the truth?
Kat: [00:10:00] I mean they probably used a little bit. They probably didn't- they tried, probably tried not to use a lot cuz it, it doesn't say they didn't use it at all. This has, didn't use a lot.
Ryley: Didn't use a lot.
Kat: But the fact that they put those back to back, it's.
Ryley: It's really funny.
Kat: That is funny.
Ryley: A little goof in the orphan 2009 whenthey speak of the fire that Esther survives uh, that is seen at the end of this movie. They refer to the family as the Sullivans, although the last name of this film is the Albright's.
Kat: I feel like they could have solved that by her having a family between the two.
Ryley: And a lot of people were bringing that up and they were wondering, that's like the case.
Kat: Maybe that's what happened and both of them died in a fire.
Ryley: Maybe. Maybe her. That's her MO.
Kat: There you go. That that could be the, that could be the reason to clear all of this up.
Ryley: They have to make a third movie.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: They gotta do it though to prove, to prove that this isn't a goof.
Kat: The second kill.
Ryley: Exactly in between. Cause there's like a good year.
Kat: Yeah. She's in the orphanage for a while. Maybe it could be like, maybe she didn't kill them. Maybe they sent her back or something. I don't know.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. Alright. Tell me what you thought of this.
Kat: Okay, so I wrote, I wrote down notes.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I, [00:11:00] whenever I was looking into, like, whether I wanted to do the first one or this one. I didn't read any of the reviews, but I was just seeing like what the reception was, about the same as the other one.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I'm a little, a little above in the middle about it, if that makes sense. Like, I don't, I don't love, love it.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: but I don't have a lot of dislike for it.
Ryley: Yeah. Okay.
Kat: I think it's a good follow up movie.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It checks boxes, it feels like a little bit like it's more fan service than anything. You know the guard at the beginning that was doing the, watching the cameras?
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Deserved what he got. I think that's true for a lot of people in this movie.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: Like we were saying last week at the end, you're on Esther's side in this one.
Ryley: you are it. Flips on you and I, that's what I liked about this movie.
Kat: Yeah. And it, it's not to say that like, I think Esther's great now. It's just like she's, she's in the other position.
Ryley: The least evil apparently.
Kat: Yeah. And she kind of learns her. Like how to do [00:12:00] everything a little better from this family.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It fucking killed me. Every time they would cut to a shot front behind her and it was clearly a child. Stand in. It just is so, so funny because it's adult an adult woman's hands. An adult woman's face.
Ryley: Her head, her big ass head.
Kat: Head is huge because she's an, she's an adult.
Ryley: She's an adult.
Kat: And it cuts to behind and it's a tiny little child head.
Ryley: It's so jarring. It's so the opposite of seamless.
Kat: And I love shit like that. It's like whenever you see a stunt double and you could tell it's a stunt double.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Pause it and it's like a teenage girl is the main character and it's a grown man in a wig.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: Like that kind of shit. It's just so funny.
Ryley: It's very funny.
Kat: I thought the movie was gonna be about Anna, the like art therapist lady.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: because it's like from her perspective in the beginning. So that was confusing. I knew it was about her origin story. I just didn't really watch any trailers or anything.
Ryley: I didn't watch any either. So I thought it was about the the art therapist too.
Kat: Yeah. And then she just like immediately breaks out and [00:13:00] kills the art therapist and plays her piano with bloody hands, which is like, why would you do that?
Ryley: Why would you do that? Why would you? Such a nice apartment.
Kat: Your fingerprints are everywhere.
Ryley: No kidding. That's the thing they're gonna know you're there.
Kat: It's not 1955.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Okay. You can't just, you can't just touch everything.
Ryley: Definitely DNA evidence at this point.
Kat: You cannot touch everything, especially when you are like that intensive of a criminal.
Ryley: You, there's a DNA database.
Kat: People will know. You're go, people already know you're gone.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: You're a dangerous, violent criminal.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And you're gonna go to this woman's house who was literally just where you were and you're gonna kill her and you don't think they're gonna think, Hmm, I think that might have been Leena. And we know exactly what she looks like and she literally talks to a police officer right after. And is like, I'm a little girl. My parents are in America. You don't think they have your picture up at the police station?
Ryley: Yeah. At this point.
Kat: You are a murderer.
Ryley: There should have been, I dunno what you call it, like breaking news. Look out for [00:14:00] this person.
Kat: Yeah, there should have been something. The fact that she was able to get all the way to America without anybody in between being like, that looks like that, that woman that escaped from the Saarne Institute. Should we tell somebody?
Ryley: In the seventies that shit would fly. 2007?
Kat: No.
Ryley: I don't know. I don't think so.
Kat: No.
Ryley: It'd be way harder.
Kat: She probably didn't erase the internet history on that woman's laptop.
Ryley: No.
Kat: So they could've seen.
Ryley: Oh, oh my God. They would know what she was looking at.
Kat: Exactly, exactly where she's going, exactly what she's doing.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And I didn't think about that until this moment.
Ryley: Cause isn't, well also it isn't there a thing, like, it doesn't matter how much you clear the history, like can't they go into like the computer database or, so I'm not computer expert.
Kat: I think so.
Ryley: I may be making something up, but like, couldn't they.
Kat: I'm not either. I'm not gonna pretend I am.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: But I think it's possible cuz it's like, I don't, if anybody knows, let us know because we we're not gonna sit here and.
Ryley: Like how much she screwed herself. [00:15:00] Like in real life if this happened in real life. How much was she, how fast would she have gotten caught.
Kat: There there are no witness. Like she was just going to push them off of the, on to the train tracks. Like there was nobody else waiting for a train that would've seen that.
Ryley: Well, she literally ran into someone. Had she done it a few seconds earlier, that person would've obviously seen.
Kat: Like this movie is acting like security cameras don't exist and people mind their business.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: And neither of those things are true.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: But the next thing I had was like, the dad is so goofy in this one. I love the dad in this one.
Ryley: I do too. Cuz he's so kept out of the loop of everything.
Kat: The mom is so completely opposite. She is trying to keep this away from him rather than being like, I think there's something wrong. She's like, nothing's wrong.
Ryley: It's so refreshing in that way cuz the movies
Kat: I love, I love when women gaslight men.
Ryley: Yeah, very.
Kat: It's what we deserve.
Ryley: It's very refreshing.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: It's very refreshing for this movie to like it cuz for a little bit in this movie, you're like, this is just kind of playing [00:16:00] out like the old one.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: But then we get that big twist and it's very.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Very that's where it's like, okay, this we're in a different dynamic.
Kat: Yeah. And I, I like that. I like that they didn't just do the exact same thing. I like that it was a completely different angle to come at like this kind of story too. I love the line when the brother is throwing a party and Esther comes out and she's like, I don't wanna go watch a movie. I wanna hang out out here. And he's like, Esther, this isn't your scene.
Ryley: To an 11 year old.
Kat: To this child. Her scene?
Ryley: Her scene. And it's so funny cuz he knows.
Kat: He doesn't know how old she is yet.
Ryley: But he knows it's a, it's just a random child.
Kat: Yeah. Cuz he killed her.
Ryley: Yeah. The how casual he is about it, that's how you know he's a psycho, but, well not only because he murdered his. Little sister.
Kat: It seemed kind of like the opposite of the brother and the other one where he shoots the pigeon and he didn't realize that it could hurt it.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Where it's like he knows he can hurt her, but he didn't think he would kill her. He thought he'd still be able to just keep using her as a punching bag or whatever the [00:17:00] fuck.
Ryley: It's, he still sounds like a psychopath. The fact that he.
Kat: Yeah, the fact he would was relentlessly hurting his sister that often to where it got pushed that far.
Ryley: And you know what that reminds me? Sounds like JonBenet Ramsey, doesn't it?
Kat: Mm-hmm. It does, it does sound like that. You know how, you know, the brother's annoying in the other one.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Um, I fucking hate the brother in this movie, him and the mom deserved everything.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Like it was almost as satisfying as Esther's death in the other, in the first movie.
Ryley: Yes. Yes. I was very happy about it. Because he is the worst.
Kat: Her taking off in the car is so fucking funny. I love it.
Ryley: Iconic.
Kat: It's true, like she just immediately lights up a cigarette, puts on lipstick and sunglasses and is just cruising. Oh, also the cop just walking into their house and just grabbing evidence. You couldn't use that in court.
Ryley: That's not, it's not gonna be, they're not gonna take that. Cause they're gonna ask you, how did you get it? Did you get a search warrant for this? No. Then you can't use it as [00:18:00] evidence.
Kat: What, what was he gonna do from there? They just gonna be like, oh, well this is such a big find, we're gonna ignore the facts that you stole this from their house without their consent or a warrant.
Ryley: It's, well, that's the fucked up thing too, cuz like, as much as I, as that sounds like, like it's not rational but like it still proves that that's not, that's not Esther.
Kat: Yeah. You're not Batman though. Like you can't just get away with not following the rules.
Ryley: You can't do that shit. You'll lose your, yeah, you'll prove it, but you'll lose your job.
Kat: Yeah. At first I liked the mom, like I liked the dynamics they had of where like Leena could stay.
Mm-hmm.
and she had no choice but to let her stay.
Ryley: Yes. Well, it's such a tricky, situation that they're all in.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: It's just bat shit.
Kat: They, everyone has to, everyone has to comply with what's going on.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And I love that it's all just to keep the dad happy.
Ryley: Just the dad, just painting, just, just, just happy again.
Kat: The beginning when he's fencing, they try to make him look so badass.
Ryley: It's fencing.
Kat: I'm sorry. Like, it's [00:19:00] cool. It's cool. It's a certain amount of skill. I'm not shitting on fencing.
Ryley: It is perfect though, for that family. And for that character too, to have.
Kat: It's that old money thing.
Ryley: That old money that snobby.
Kat: It's like polo, you know? That's how I think of fencing.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: But it wasn't super exciting.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: If that makes sense?
Ryley: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Kat: I think it did its job and it was fun to watch. And she's 23 in this one not 10, but somehow less sexual stuff happens.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: In this one than in the one when she was 10.
Ryley: That's the irony of it. Mm-hmm.
Kat: But yeah it was a lot less icky to talk about this one so far.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: But what about you?
Ryley: I liked it because one of those where like it's hard to believe someone went into this taking it seriously, like, oh, this is gonna be like a really good prequel.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: to the original. I'm like, if you saw the original and then make it a prequel, you [00:20:00] should, you should have. My expectations were correct.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: They were low and I was just happy to be here.
Kat: Yeah. Just happy to.
Ryley: Just happy to be watching it.
Kat: Yeah. I kept forgetting that she lives.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: You know what's gonna happen next after it.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I like what a prequel is able to still build that tension a little bit.
Ryley: Well, especially in this way cuz you're cheering for her.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: So it's a, it's such a different dynamic and which I appreciated with that, with this movie. I'm really,
Kat: So much. Yeah.
Ryley: Happy that there, there was a good twist in this one cuz it, it would've just repeated itself honestly, had it not been for this twist. I appreciate the twist. So I was really happy about that.
Kat: Yeah, I liked that too. Like I like new context when you come back to it.
Ryley: Exactly. I thought it was very, uh, risky or like even like ballsy of her to just go on the internet, look up any random child that she somehow resembles and just go see that family. You don't know. And just happens to like pick the richest family in fucking [00:21:00] Connecticut to like.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Like how lucky of her to do that. Cause this could have been, I mean anywhere. She keeps finding like the richest families in the most luxurious houses.
Mm-hmm.
And what does she do? Tries to kill them, burn down the houses.
Kat: Onto the next one. Try to fuck the dad and move on.
Ryley: How lucky can you be?
Kat: Stop trying to fuck the dad.
Ryley: Stop. It's weird.
Kat: It's weird.
Ryley: Stop.
Kat: And this one is especially he thinks you're his daughter.
Ryley: You're his long lost daughter.
Kat: The family is equally, if not more evil.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And like the mom's not even doing it to protect herself. It's like her family's image.
Ryley: Exactly. And I wanted to bring that up. It's her family's image, but also it's got that weird like, like I love my son more than my daughter kind of thing. Cuz obviously there was a favorite.
Kat: There's nothing else I could do for her.
Ryley: Cause she was all like, I love my daughter, but you know, I gotta protect my family. I'm like, that just sounds like an. I don't know. The mom just made me really angry with that. So I was on Esther's side as soon as I, [00:22:00] that unveiled itself.
Kat: Oh yeah.
Ryley: Well other than that, that was like basically all my thoughts. Alright. We're gonna move on to the critics. This first one's by Paul Burns. He wrote this August 31st, and it's titled "The Senseless Horror Movie that's like Toltsoy, but with a lot more blood." And he gave it three and a half stars. And they said that the movie doesn't qualify necessarily as a horror movie because it isn't that scary, but offers other things like it has, "a touch of gallows humor, a twist that's hard to predict, and a third act that takes us a long way from Kansas. If you catch my drift." And I didn't, cause I don't know what that means. I don't know what you mean by that.
Kat: Like a Wizard of Oz reference.
Ryley: Yeah. But like, is it because she's far from Estonia? So what you mean?
Kat: I'm, I'm trying to, um.
Ryley: Cause it says third act takes us a long way from Kansas.
Kat: We might just, we might just be stupid if anyone else understands. I think it's just cuz she's like, she, she left home.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: or I, I don't know. I can't.
Ryley: I didn't catch it. Your drift, Paul. I'm sorry.
Kat: Or
Ryley: I don't know.
Kat: Or maybe it's because she's in [00:23:00] this like really good situation like going to Oz. Like this is like the perfect setup for her.
Ryley: Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right.
Kat: And there's a wicked witch
Ryley: Yeah, it's her.
Kat: It's the mom.
Ryley: Paul mentions the omen and the Innocents, both movies based off evil children, but they mentioned those two movies and like in comparison, and "it's a favorite trope of horror. Children are supposed to be born innocent, but what if not all of them are? That's a nasty thought because it justifies or tries to justify violence against children, but only bad children, the ones who kill. Orphan first kill has an ingenious script that navigates these, these shoals with care." A "horror in one sense is all about managing expectations, either in the camera angles used to alert us that something bad this way comes or to tell our nerves to stand down or to throw us off the scent. Director William Brent Bell, with six earlier horror films to his credit, has had plenty of practice making outrageous and silly ideas come to life and," in parenthesis, "death."
Kat: Butum-bum.
Ryley: Butum-bum.
Kat: I'm sorry, I'm [00:24:00] just looking up what other movies he's done cuz I don't
Ryley: think I've.
I I didn't get the chance to look at it cause I, I was. Curious about that.
Kat: Let me just check real quick. Oh, he did the, The Boy.
Ryley: Oh.
Kat: Um.
Ryley: And they end by saying, "Orphan first kill would not pass logical examination by a reasonably sentient teenager, but it has fun with its materials and does not lose sight of its one governing idea--that every family is weird in its own peculiar way. Change weird to unhappy, and we got Toltsoy, but with, with more blood."
Kat: I mean, yeah, that's correct.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. He's not wrong.
Kat: Every family is weird when they're, it's just them.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Like.
Ryley: Yep. This next one is called "Orphan First Kill is one hilariously bad horror movie sequel." This is by Nick Schager, the daily beast.com. They say the first movie was a fright free affair defined by its absurdity and Isabelle Fuhrman's performance. They say the sequel was going to be inevitably and unintentionally hilarious.
Kat: It is.
Ryley: They go on to say, quote, "whereas the [00:25:00] original orphan hinged on the twist that its youthful star was playing a secret grownup, William Brent Bell's lousy follow up, which is set two years before its predecessor, reverses this illusion, featuring the now 25 year old Fuhrman a young looking Esther. Think of it as the horror version of Clifford orchestrated via lots of closeups that position Fuhrman's face at the bottom of the frame, to better suggest her shortness, and routine use of body doubles, who are seen only from the rear, for any master shots. The effort exerted to pull off this ruse is both considerable and transparent, turning the entire affair into a weird stunt--a situation exacerbated by the fact that, no matter the makeup use to de-age Fuhrman, she no longer has the visage of a 10 year old."
Kat: Mostly the body doubles is what made me laugh. I didn't really care that she didn't look like a 10 year old, just kind of like a suspension of disbelief thing with this movie that I was willing to do.
Ryley: I had a hard time with- I think it added to the comedy of this movie.
Kat: Uh-huh.
Ryley: Anytime she was on screen.
Kat: [00:26:00] But they really, they really did take, make a lot of use of like putting her lower in the, like her fa her head like in the corner of the frame, just tiny like a kid peering over.
Ryley: Exactly, exactly. Cuz like they always teach you about head space and it just looks like they were doing too much head space in the movie. That's all I could think of.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: That's all I could think of. Like, her head was down here and there was all this head space above her. I'm like, it just looks like they did it wrong.
Kat: Yeah, you could see like the gears turning in their heads where they're like, that'll work.
Ryley: That'll work that- that looks like a child on screen.
Kat: One of the most hilarious parts in this movie is when the mom throws her over the kitchen island. You just see the little like child body fly over the fucking island.
Ryley: That's the funny cause, you know, it's like a rag doll, you know, just like dressed up as her.
Kat: You'd hope.
Ryley: You hope, you hope it wasn't a child stunt. I just love it. It's so, that was funny.
Kat: It is visually hilarious this movie.
Ryley: It is. It's, there's no way this movie could be taken seriously. There's no way.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: They [00:27:00] go on to say the, the movie should have pulled a what we do in the shadows and cgi her head on a, like a little body, uh, to match the ludicrousy of it all, but says, the movie, "feigns seriousness while also indulging in the ridiculousness," which I think is a good way to say it cuz it's not like they don't know.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: You know?
Kat: It doesn't feel like they're taking it too serious.
Ryley: It doesn't feel like the first one, the original.
Kat: No.
Ryley: It doesn't feel like it.
Kat: No.
Ryley: There's a different tone to it.
Kat: There's an awareness to this one.
Ryley: Yes. I don't think it's a great awareness, but it's there.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: They quote, "the idea that no one verified Esther's identity by checking her fingerprints or dna. Instead, everyone just naively buys that and Esther is selling-- a bit of idiocy that feels directly related to the film itself, which repeatedly asks us to ignore what we see, and know, about Fuhrman, and to instead pretend that the actress continues to look like a little kid when her face is that of a 20 something woman who'd have no problem ordering a drink at [00:28:00] a bar. Bell's constant crosscut between profiles of Fuhrman and wide shots of a child's back render the proceedings stilted and silly, especially when she's forced to tussle with a genuine adult in skirmishes that have more than a whiff of child's play style cartoonishness to them." And that, I think that's what you were talking about when she throws her over the island.
Kat: Yes. She Tosses her or gets thrown down the stairs.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: There was one thing they said, her face, I guess she has no baby fat in her face.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: So there's like no child's softness to like her jaw or like her cheeks. It's just this very adult cheekbone.
Ryley: Like there's not much they could have done.
Kat: Yeah. I mean they could have prosthetic, like maybe baby fat.
Ryley: Yeah. They could have put a lot more makeup on her thinking about, but maybe it just would've made her-
Kat: They probably tried.
Ryley: They probably tried, but it probably made her like her head too big if you think about it.
Kat: Yeah. And I don't know if you ever heard anything about the movie version of Dear Evan Hansen.
Ryley: Oh yeah.
Kat: They put makeup on him to try and h him down, but it made him look even older.
Ryley: Oh.
Kat: [00:29:00] So maybe they like tried that and it didn't, didn't get the effects they wanted.
Ryley: Yeah. It's not convincing, but suspend your belief for the sake of the movie, it's still worth it.
Kat: Get a giggle.
Ryley: It adds to the funniness of the movie. I think it adds to it.
Kat: Yeah, I agree.
Ryley: They quote, "Orphan revealed that Esther's previous adopted clan had died in a tragic house fire making orphan first kill one long, slow march toward that calamity. There's no chance that Esther will perish or that anyone else will survive, thereby, negating all traces of suspense. Worse than that, predictability, however, is this thriller's overarching lack of inspiration, epitomized by Tricia deducing Esther's origins by flipping through her Estonian Bible and finding a Saarne Institute library stamp. The very same means by which Farmiga's mom figured that her daughter wasn't who she claimed to be."
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: So it it's repeating itself a lot in this movie.
Kat: That's part specifically lended to the twist though.
Ryley: Yes.
Kat: Like to throw you off from the twist.
Ryley: Like you think you're gonna see the same movie, but I really I mean, there's [00:30:00] more.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And they, quote, "orphan wasn't a success, but at least Director Colet-Serra crafted it with chilly polish. Orphan first kill, on the other hand, is a drab thing to look at, with Bell too busy masking his headliner's stature to concoct a single interesting composition and Kari Husain's cinematography boasting the sheen of a DV-grade home movie for a film about a murderer who can't grow up either physically or emotionally, what with her perpetual kill-mom screw-dad fixations, it's fitting that this prequel is no more narratively mature than its predecessor. That the series' aesthetics have regressed as its star has aged, meanwhile, only adds to orphan first kills juvenile dreariness."
Kat: Like you could see that they were too caught up in other things.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: And that they lost things in other places and just kinda had to toss things in there.
Ryley: Yeah. I get that. I'm not as negative about this movie, like I, they're not wrong.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Like this is a harsh review and they're not wrong. I get it.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: But I still have [00:31:00] love for this movie.
Kat: We can see past those things.
Ryley: I can see past it.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I think half of the stuff they were like complaining about only added to like the funness of the movie.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This next one, "Orphan First Kill Review, Esther's back in prequel that goes full camp." This is by Megan Navarro. She gave it two and a half stars out of five.
Kat: I don't know if I'd say camp, but maybe they'll convince me.
Ryley: Maybe. They quote, "the now adult Fuhrman reprising, her role is the first overt clue that this prequel intended to fully embrace the over the top nineties thriller vibe its predecessor started, camp and all." This isn't nineties. This is- the first one wasn't based the nineties. This movie-
Kat: I don't think they're saying it's the nineties. I feel like the term camp is being a little overused. Like I understand that unintentional camp is a thing and it's like, yes, that is sort of the reason why this movie is funny. It's just a little cheesy. I wouldn't say it's campy.
Ryley: And I think that word is a lot of people interchange cheesy and camp.
Kat: It's not the same thing.
Ryley: It's not the same thing. And also I feel like camp [00:32:00] is kind of like a buzzword that you could put in your article to draw people in.
Kat: Exactly.
Ryley: And it's one thing to go like, oh, it reminds you of this movie from the nineties. Okay, name that movie then. But you can't say it's a, you can't say it's a nineties thriller vibe.
Kat: And not cite any examples of what vibe you're getting.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: I think I kind of get what they mean, but I would really have loved if they said what movies exactly they mean because there are a lot of nineties thrillers that are campy. Like I'm sure there are some aspects. If I were to go watch a fucking nineties thriller,
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: and come back to you, I'm sure there are elements from that that would lend to this movie and the original.
Ryley: I think you could say that for any decade, for any movie, you know? Like I-
Kat: A seventies thriller, like you could say that exactly.
Ryley: They just threw this in just to throw it in. And it just kind of irritated me cuz I'm, I'm, it's not nineties.
Kat: You know what, you know what I think they mean? Like Misery, like that type of thriller.
Ryley: Okay.
Kat: And I could see that [00:33:00] where it's like an unhinged person.
Ryley: Yeah. Mm-hmm. We'll move on.
Kat: We, we should, yes, we should.
Ryley: They go on to say the movie starts completely different from the first but then starts to show like familiar patterns once she has brought to the family's home. Like I thought it was gonna be different cuz like it starts with her, her escaping the institution like.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Okay, that's cool. That's different.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And then we get back into classic orphan, which a lot of people get like really upset about. Like, but we kind of, I mean, kind have to see.
Kat: I do have to say this. This wasn't her first kill.
Ryley: Mm.
Kat: She'd killed several people before she-
Ryley: That's true. That's why she's in the institution.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Someone made that point on letter box and they're like, we should get 10 movies.
Kat: Yeah. I would love to see before she went to the institution.
Ryley: Yeah. That would be interesting in itself. What's her, what's her life like? Before even that, you know?
Kat: Yeah. Like what was she running from?
Ryley: Yeah. What was her childhood like? What was her actual childhood like?
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: That would be interesting.
Kat: That's the prequel I fucking want.
Ryley: Yes. What was es? What was Leena's [00:34:00] actual childhood like when she was an actual child?
Kat: The first, first Kill.
Ryley: Yeah. They talk about the movies tactics to de-age Fuhrman in multiple ways. They quote, "forced perspectives and adjusting the heights of set dressing or scene partners present the more successful strategies conveying Esther's petite size. Wide shots of Esther highlight noticeable child stand-ins making one of the more distracting approaches to de-aging. Then there's the hazy look of the film itself, almost as though first kill intends to blur out any possible signs of Fuhrman's adulthood. The choices seem all the stranger in the, in that first kill is self-aware. Orphan saw a preteen Fuhrman playing an adult masquerading as a child. First kill features an adult playing an adult trying to pass as a child."
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: And the cinematography of this maybe is weird. It's super, super hazy. Super blurry.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I kind of like it though. I didn't hate it.
Kat: Maybe it's like her past is hazy.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly.
Kat: It's like an unreliable narrator situation where it's like everyone else died. How [00:35:00] do we know that's actually what happened? Esther could have just come in and killed all of them like that anyway.
Ryley: Yeah. They quote, "first kill is at its strongest when it firmly embraces that self-awareness. Esther driving is stole a car and a scene, having the time of her life, is delightful and leaves you wishing this prequel featured more moments like that." I agree. I want to know Esther or Leena.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I want to get to know Leena.
Kat: Yeah. Who's Le?
Both: Who is Leena?
Kat: Cause like, this is interesting.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: You know? This is an interesting angle, but I would be okay if HBO made like a-
Ryley: a
Both: series
Kat: about her life in Estonia.
Ryley: That would be interesting.
Kat: I would not be upset.
Ryley: I think a lot of people would tune on that.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: "Julia Stiles also brings an unexpected ferocity and surprising foil to Esther's plans. Stiles knows what the movie is going for and carries the energy to match. So much so that she threatens to steal the film from Fuhrman. It brings an imbalance that occasionally defangs and sidelines our favorite little killer."
Kat: I, i, I agree with that. I think Julia Styles does do, she plays her role really well in the same way that like [00:36:00] Isabelle played the role of Esther really well. It seems like she just, Really understands what this character is.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. I don't think it's, I don't think the movie is harmed by that though.
Kat: No. There's room for other people to perform well.
Ryley: That's the thing you can have all great actors like.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: "Prequel wants to shift allegiances and dial up the madness, leaning hard into a 90's thriler vibe." I, uh-
Kat: Again, no, no example cited.
Ryley: No example cited. Nothing. "It fares the strongest when Styles and Fuhrman play off each other, but it's prone to sags in energy. First kill injects plenty of camp and unhinged moments that'll entertain, but it's inconsistent. That's exacerbated by the occasionally ineffective means of de-aging Fuhrman. Those on board with the hammy thriller vibe will likely find themselves heavily amused by Esther's story, finding sustenance on the wild swings to carry them through the ploting stretches." this is our last critic review. This is Orphan first kill review by Leila Latif on Little White Lies. They quote," malevolent conwoman Esther gets a [00:37:00] backstory in this strangely overdue and unintentionally funny prequel to the 2009 hit. Some of the best horror films come from mining threat out of the unthreatening. Be it a little boy in the omen, foodie psychologist in the silence of the Lambs or white liberals in Get out. Orphan fits among these movies in that unassumingly unthreatening way. For those now doing the maths, yes, that means originally an 11 year old actress played a 33 year old pretending to be to be a nine year old. Now, we have a 25 year old playing a 31 year old pretending to be a nine year old. If that sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. Through a series of body doubles, forced perspectives, and actors standing on platforms, Orphan First Kill has a fully grown adult in a child's role. At first, it's completely jarring, but as the film continues, it becomes a strange joy to experience. Each time Fuhrman is obviously switched out, or Julia Stiles is clearly stood on a box. The B-movie hokeyness is utterly hilarious. That fun is only enhanced by the complete seriousness," seriousness, "with which [00:38:00] each actor is performing their part, particularly the cat and mouse duologues that Stiles and Fuhrman practically spit at each other. The question that comes with," I almost said Oprah.
Kat: Oprah first kill.
Ryley: The question that comes with Orphan first kill is" is, "are we laughing at it or with it? Director William Brent Bell, best known for the Boy and the Devil Inside, has horror credentials but is not really known for high camp or landing jokes in the middle of jump scares. Perhaps it doesn't matter, and if we are able to allow horror to come from the most unthreatening people who should just appreciate rock solid comedy from unexpected sources too."
Kat: I think that The Boy is a silly movie.
Ryley: It's very silly.
Kat: I think that movie is ridiculous.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: Cause people keep talking about like his horror credentials and he has like, made all these other horror movies. He's made these cheesy fucking horror movies.
Ryley: They're bad movies.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: But everyone who says like, oh, the boys scared the crap on me. I'm like, really? Seriously? It's very silly.
Kat: So silly.
Ryley: It's not scary [00:39:00] and it is predictable.
Kat: Yeah. I do think that like the part where they said, um, enhanced the fun is only enhanced by the complete seriousness with which each actor's performing their part.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Their acting never made it funnier for me.
Ryley: Their acting's fine. I'm, I'm not laughing at their acting abilities.
Kat: Yeah. And it's like, not saying it's bad acting, just saying like, I wasn't laughing because the actors were being serious.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Just the idea of the, how they filmed all of this.
Ryley: Exactly. Exactly. I'm still invested in the story.
Kat: Yeah, exactly.
Ryley: That was our last critic review. Now we're gonna go onto audience reviews. We're gonna start off with the 10 out 10 from IMDB written on 19th of August this year. "I really enjoyed this movie" and they say, "I'm a fan of the first Orhan movie and I'll be honest, I was a bit skeptical of the sequel since it has been 13 years since the last movie and didn't know if it would be as good. I just saw the new movie today and I absolutely loved it. The storyline was really interesting and I like how we were given a, a peak into Leena's, aka Esther's, past [00:40:00] life. Another great thing is how the movie isn't really that predictable and it's difficult to guess what is going to happen next. I'd definitely watch this again, and I have to say it's my favorite horror film with 2022." there are so many other good movies in of horror movies in 2022. Not saying that this is a bad one to, like.
Kat: I just haven't watched a lot this year.
Ryley: I'm, I'm gonna list some for. Nope. Go see that. Go see Barbarian. Go see Maxine, and it's pretty cool. Pearl. Those are two great ones.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Those are just four on the top of my head that I've seen.
Kat: Okay.
Ryley: They're, they're gonna be better than this.
Kat: Personally, I wasn't skeptical about this movie coming out.
Ryley: I knew what it was gonna be.
Kat: Like you were saying earlier. I was just happy to be there.
Ryley: I was happy that it was here and I was sitting here watching it like I had no expectations.
Kat: No, not that I didn't care, but like I didn't care enough to be skeptical. I feel like both of us sort of have a little, unless it's egregiously bad or boring, it's really, that's what it is. If a movie is boring.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: But I feel like we have a little bit of a talent of being able to find the fun in any [00:41:00] movie.
Ryley: Exactly. We're not taking everything so seriously as a film.
Kat: Yeah, like I'm not, not to say that we don't have any idea of what is actually good and of like has
Ryley: we know
Kat: of taste and.
Ryley: What's actual good movies and we know bad movies that are good.
Kat: I have a piece of paper that says I know what I'm talking about.
Ryley: I earned it.
Kat: Okay.
Ryley: I earned it. I spent four years telling people I know how to know I know what a good movie is.
Kat: Yeah. I failed math almost twice for that degree.
Ryley: Exactly. Uh.
Kat: Failed Polis Sci . I failed so many classes for that degree.
Ryley: Oh my God. This next one's one outta 10 from IMDb. "More of a back comedy than a horror movie." It was written on September 13th, 2022. "I was really disappointed as the first Orphan was, was a quiet good horror movie that would send shivers down my spine. Sadly, the second movie, which tries to portray the, the forestory to the first movie didn't phase me at all. No scary moments, A very bad plot twist [00:42:00] and a dull storyline without a real peak. I was thoroughly disappointed by it, and I wonder how little effort one could put into writing and screenplay. Although the main role, Leena, was as expected, well executed, and I pretty much like the soundtrack. Nevertheless, this couldn't overwage the loveless storytelling of an uninspired plot. So sad, as a pretty good horror movie was used to attract spectators by it's name. The movie is without any substance and I would never recommend it to anyone."
Kat: Um, okay.
Ryley: Who finds the first orphan? Like legitimately scary. Like I get creepy.
Kat: It's a thriller.
Ryley: It's a thriller.
Kat: I don't know if the world just fucked our brains up just growing up in the times that we did, but we are just so much less dis, like easily disturbed by things.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: LIke this. The horror of that movie was how disturbing the, the premise is.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. Very disturbing.
Kat: I am more scared by movies where I'm like, I feel like I'm a little more likely to be in that situation.
Ryley: Right. Mm-hmm.
Kat: I don't plan on adopting children [00:43:00] anytime soon, nor do I have children, so I'm not really worried.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: They liked the soundtrack. What?
Ryley: I don't even know what they were talking about there.
Kat: What you liked the song, the Glory of Love and whatever song she was listening to in the car. That's like two.
Ryley: I don't know what they're talking about. That's like maniac by someone like that.
Kat: The two songs.
Ryley: The two songs of that movie. Okay. It's just like one of those things too, like I don't find the same things scary as other people. Yes. Do I understand? Yeah. This movie's creepy, this movie's disturbing.
Kat: Is there something wrong with us? Like?
Ryley: No. I think people, people are just sensitive.
Kat: Yeah. Cuz something that made me realize that my brother-in-law is like terrified of the idea of even watching the movie Coraline and like cannot handle horror.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: and stuff. So I get it. Some people just
Ryley: are sensitive to other things.
Kat: Our brains are mush.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: So it does not phase us, I guess.
Ryley: It takes a lot cuz it takes a lot. Like.
Kat: And there's nothing wrong if that's how a movie, like a horror movie affects you. It's just, I literally don't feel that.
Ryley: This is a person with a different, we just have different brains. We have [00:44:00] different perspectives of what we, of what we think about movies.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: This next one's from Letterboxd, it has three stars. "Me and Esther have a lot in common because we love gas lighting people and we both love DILFs." There was 20 other reviews just like this one.
Kat: That is not surprising. That's how it was with Vera Farmiga in the last one. It was a lot of be my mommy Vera Farmiga. That's what half of them were.
Ryley: This is a one outta 10 from IMDB says, "use Google before you use a country in your movies. A quick Google would've told you Estonia is a member of European Union. Has nothing to do with Russia or Russians, except that," they could, "they have occupied us after Second World War. We have our own language, which is not Russian nor sounds like one. Our people speak better English than most of Americans, and not with a Russian accent. All these things could have been avoided by doing a Google search and opening a YouTube and watching one video about our country. Movie itself is badly written, color grading is unacceptable. Terrible. The [00:45:00] storyline is completely similar to the first movie. There's not much difference here. A few simple differences." I, I thought it was important to include, there's. Their opinion because.
Kat: Yeah, they're not, they're not wrong.
Ryley: They're not wrong.
Kat: I, I understand. Like I, they're not, they're not wrong in any way. Like they, it literally, they should have Googled what people from Estonia sound like.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And what that country is actually like instead of, cuz you know, like literally you said like in the first movie they say she's from Russia.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: So it's like maybe she's doing like a Russian accent to keep up with that story but.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: I'm not gonna give that movie, the movie, the credit for that.
Ryley: Well, like in the first one they say she's from Russia, so she's obviously gonna have this Russian accent. And for the prequel she's gotta keep it up so it, you know.
Kat: Yeah. It also, I don't think a child would know what a Estonian accent sounds like.
Ryley: No.
Kat: So it's completely on the filmmakers for not.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. So there's this one, and there was also another one, where they, uh, have problems with the movie. Uh, it's one out of 10. "It is a mess [00:46:00] Estonian speaking." This is written in August 22nd. "Some things about Estonia, there are no mountains in Estonia. Dimitri is not an Estonia name. "The, i, I.
Kat: I think it's Vnimanie.
Ryley: I guess it's used in the movie, but it, "is not an Estonian word. And so on. This is really painful to watch. Please Google Estonia next time. Please."
Kat: That- those are both completely fair.
Ryley: Yeah, completely fair. No notes. Absolutely.
Kat: I feel like the filmmakers were really banking on the fact that a lot of Americans probably don't know much about Estonia.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: As an American, don't know much about Estonia.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: It could be harmful to Estonians to have this like notion that they're so similar to Russians and like lump them in with Russians.
Ryley: I get why you want that distance.
Kat: Yeah. And like they're their own country.
Ryley: You're your own country you don't need to be lumped in with another one.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Totally fair. Understood.
Kat: Yeah, I get that.
Ryley: This is one out 10. IMDB. "Should have stopped with the original," August 25th. "I'm sorry, but I've been so looking forward to seeing this film after only being a late starter to see [00:47:00] the original in early 2022. So disappointed. Poor acting. Poor story. Ridiculous story, actually. Poor cgi. I really could go on and on. What a waste of two hours of my life."
Kat: Um, you're new here.
Ryley: You're new here.
Kat: You're new here.
Ryley: And also that's your fault for having a high expecta- I'm gonna say it's your fault for having high expectations. This movie did not deserve any expectations.
Kat: It's been how many years?
Ryley: Someone said it was like 13.
Kat: Yeah, it's been 13 years. That's exactly why I went in with like nothing.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Because it's been 13 years since the first one came out and they're using the same actress. Yes, it was definitely a cash grab kind of thing.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: But.
Ryley: Hey, what else do you want? What else do you want?
Kat: The story's not that bad. I think it's a really good fucking angle to go for.
Ryley: For what they could do. It's not bad. It's really not.
Kat: No.
Ryley: This next one's four and a half stars from Letterboxd. "You know it's good as fuck if at some point you thought Esther was the normal one."
Kat: True. That is true.
Ryley: That's a good twist.
Kat: Mm-hmm. You're siding with a person who in the other movie you were happy to see [00:48:00] die.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. And the next one is three stars on Letterboxd. "First half total garbage, second half A plus, no notes."
Kat: I liked the first half too.
Ryley: I didn't mind it. I knew it was going some.
Kat: I mean the second half is better.
Ryley: Second half is great cuz of the twist.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: But like, you know, it's leading up. We're getting there.
Kat: Yeah. You gotta build.
Ryley: Yeah. Next one's one, one out, 10 stars from IMDB. The title is "a huge fan of the original, I'm sad." "I honestly never thought I'd being insulted by a movie, but here we are. The original movie is a classic masterpiece, flawlessly directed, beautifully written, remarkably acted, and ended perfectly. Instead of giving the fans the prequel they had been waiting for, for 12 years, they tried desperately to be edgy and different and give the fans exactly what they didn't want with the idea that behind the absolute mess of a story and new characters that I couldn't care less about, it should not be part of the canon. They ruined Esther's character, considering her one of the absolute best horror villains of all time. The original is timeless, and if it was to be released today, it would be just as successful as it was back in [00:49:00] 2009, if not even more successful. That proves that a prequel for it shouldn't be made at all to hold up to it." This person is a mega fan of Orphan my goodness.
Kat: I mean, I, I was a pretty big fan of the original one before the last episode we did.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I do think that this one could have been like a, it seems like a hour long TV special.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: I get what they're saying, but I'm not this heated.
Ryley: Yeah. I just love, I never thought I'd be insulted by a movie.
Kat: Like Insulted what?
Ryley: That's the thing. Like.
Kat: Did they spit on you, like?
Ryley: Yeah. As a huge fan of the, they're a mega fan, so I, I am, I'm not near, I, I don't know how to.
Kat: I, yeah, I, that's a lot of these, I'm like, I just am not at this level.
Ryley: No. Like I'm,
Kat: I'm not.
Ryley: I don't know how to disagree with them cuz like, you know, okay, you didn't really like it, but this person really didn't like it.
Kat: I don't think the characters are characters you can't care, like you couldn't care about, I don't think that was the point. I don't think you're supposed to care about anyone, but like the dad maybe.
Ryley: Yeah, [00:50:00] exactly. You're just, I mean, you're just kind of, you're here to see what happens. You're not here get like to bond with anyone, you know, you're not here to get attached to anyone.
Kat: You're just getting background info. You know these people are gonna die, you know she's gonna live.
Ryley: Yeah. This next one's three and a half stars from Letterboxd. "I take issue with this title because Esther is clearly already very experienced at killing when the movie begins, which implies that there are more stories to be told in additional prequels. Please make more of these movies they are awesome."
Kat: Yeah. If they can make like 10 Annabelle movies, they can make as many orphan movies.
Ryley: No kidding. And with all, like we, we hardly know Esther. We don't know where she comes from. I wanna know that.
Kat: Exactly what we were saying earlier, like, yeah, like this person is completely right. The title is false.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. It is exactly.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: Yeah. You said that earlier.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: So definitely. This next one's two outta 10 stars. "So apparently insulting the audience intelligence is the definition of nearly all modern horror thriller movies now. Right from the beginning when I saw the guard being enticed by the titular orphan, I felt I knew what kind of ride I was in for. The [00:51:00] whole brilliant escape plan solidified my view of it. Now maybe horror movies since a long time have always been shown some level of stupidity or ineptitude in its characters, and I was just either oblivious or too much invested in those flicks and maybe now I've just gotten bored of watching such character tropes. Or maybe it's just the audience that likes watching similar stuff again andagain, or maybe the filmmakers don't care what they put out as long as they're thinking that their stuff might sell well. Whatever it is, I'm hoping for a game changer in the genre, which this movie isn't. Now on its technical aspects, why does this movie have a weird, hazy, ugly look? Was it supposed to look bad or just a cinematography process didn't work out as good? Certainly doesn't help to make it look better."
Kat: I like that they admit that like maybe they've just seen this too many times.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: And they are aren't phased by it or they can't be impressed by it.
Ryley: Yeah. I'm not watching this movie to be impressed.
Kat: No, exactly.
Ryley: I knew that walking in, I'm not doing this to be impressed. I'm watching it cuz it's here.
Kat: The point where they said like they were hoping for a [00:52:00] game changer.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: It's literally like a prequel. So I don't think it's gonna be a game changer for the genre.
Ryley: You picked the wrong movie to bet on to be a game changer.
Kat: Like you were saying, there's a lot of other horror movies that came out even just this year.
Ryley: Exactly. There are great films coming out every year. You just kind of have to look for them.
Kat: And it is hard to navigate within horror film.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Like it is really easy to get discouraged.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: From thinking that there could be a good one, because there are so many bad ones to wade through to get to a good one.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: So I understand like the jadedness of a horror film fan at this point.
Ryley: Mm-hmm. This is a one out of 10 on imdb. It's called "Speechless." "Just another disgusting and stupid movie in the world. Don't expect too much about it. Trust me. You hate someone, recommend this movie to them." This person was hateful. I don't wanna know this person after them saying this, they are an angry person.
Kat: Again, I just, I cannot fathom being that extreme.
Ryley: They called it disgust, I mean.
Kat: That's a bit much.
Ryley: If you hate someone recommend this if you hate someone [00:53:00] though.
Kat: That is funny though.
Ryley: I love that. This is a half star a letter box. "The only good thing about it is to see rich people suffering."
Kat: That is true.
Ryley: Look it, if you like that, you'll like this movie. This is a half star from letter box. Meet the Robinsons," if you, "if he couldn't take care it anymore,"
Kat: Oh my god.
Ryley: Yeah. 2 out of 10 stars, "13 years for this?" "I watched the original when it came out and I loved it. One of the best original horrors of the 2000s! But this was a monumental disappointment. Sloppy dialogue, poor acting, and horrendous spfx to name just a few of this movie's most prominent faults. The plot of, an idea for, this film had great potential, less about a twist and a shock and more of a story to provide context to what we've already seen, but yet it missed on all points. Without providing spoilers, I can't go on. Therefore, what I will finish on is simply this. Feel free to watch this movie if you desire, if you wish to try to awaken the nostalgia and excitement," the original, "the original provides, then call backs aplenty you shall enjoy." However, [00:54:00] this is "however, That is all this film can provide. A shallow we cusk of what was one of the greatest horror films in modern times." That's extreme.
Kat: That is, and I like that they go simply this and then go on for like three more sentences.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: They are right that like it is like the nostalgia factor from the original that makes this movie enjoyable.
Ryley: There's nothing wrong with that.
Kat: But Yeah, exactly. I feel like just a lot of people are holding the first movie. Very high pedestal.
Ryley: Right?
Kat: And I don't.
Ryley: They are talking, it was like the best movie ever and it's like, it was fine.
Kat: Yeah. It's enjoyable.
Ryley: It, it was interesting. It was entertaining.
Kat: Yeah. Like the twist when you watch it the first time,
Ryley: yes.
It's great. But it's like the sixth sense. It's like, well I know The twist is so.
Kat: Yeah. The, it loses the magic once you know what happens.
Ryley: Exactly.
Kat: And there weren't a lot of positive critic reviews of the first one.
Ryley: Yeah, that's the thing. They're acting like the Orphan was like the successful horror movie. So much praise. I'm like, I don't think it did. I think it.
Kat: It made money.
Ryley: This one's four stars from letterboxd. [00:55:00] "First movie was fire. This one" is not a, "is not as fire, but still pretty good. Clever writing done halfway through for the plot was a snoozefest up until that point. How they managed to get Isabelle Fuhrman look like a tiny kid at 25 blows my mind. Share the skin routine bro. I do enjoy little girls beating the shit out people thoroughly." I dunno about that last bit.
Kat: I get, uh, yeah, I can't, I can't really, I don't have really anything to say about that last part. I don't think she looked like a tiny kid, but.
Ryley: I do not agree with that.
Kat: She does have great skin though.
Ryley: Yeah, exactly. Well, it's also, I feel like, um, the filter that was over the movie that make it look all hazy, so like really softened.
Kat: That's probably why they did it.
Ryley: That's what I'm thinking too. Like it's really like to soften the, the face.
Kat: I'm not gonna say that they meant to do this, but you know, it's like a memory.
Ryley: It's a memory, it's a flashback. It's one big, long flashback.
Kat: Memories are hazy like.
Ryley: Yeah.
Kat: I'm not gonna say they did it on purpose, but.
Ryley: Right. I get it though. I get it. We're gonna end on a 10 outta 10 with the title, "just wow." "I actually [00:56:00] started to watch the original and it just really wasn't appealing to me. So I saw the prequel list, again, never saw the original. There was nothing on streaming that I cared about and hadn't already seen. So I gave the prequel try and it was awesome. The backstory made all the difference to me. I actually watched it twice back to back because I felt like I had missed something, and even the second watch, I couldn't look away. After enjoying the prequel so much, I gave the original another try, and loved it as well. If you watch the prequel first and then the original, so many more things click. I think anyone reading these reviews would enjoy these movies," and I'm pretty, "and I'm a pretty hard critic."
Kat: I'm that kind of person who, like, if I enjoyed a movie, I will watch it again right after.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: Even if it's just like put it on in the background, like kind of felt that way with this movie, felt that way with the original two, where it felt like. I feel like I wasn't paying attention enough at this part, so I'm gonna go watch it again. Like.
Ryley: Mm-hmm.
Kat: I don't know. I don't know if that's weird, but.
Ryley: I don't think it's weird.
Kat: But I do that with TV shows all the time. Like I'll just rewatch TV shows all the time, or just have the same show that I watch over and over.
Ryley: I don't think it's weird because I [00:57:00] religiously put on Vanderpump Rules.
Kat: Mm-hmm.
Ryley: Almost every day.
Kat: The amount of times I've seen Jersey Shore.
Ryley: That Jersey Shore too, it's like a comfort thing, you know, I know what to expect because I liked it, you know, so I'm gonna put it on his background stuff, you know?
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I thought it was just interesting that they watched the prequel first and then the, the original.
Kat: Yeah.
Ryley: I just thought that was funny.
Kat: I feel like that would lead to a better viewing experience. Honestly, if you had never seen the original.
Ryley: It makes sense. Like it makes sense like cuz it flow, I guess it can flow pretty well. Just like the sequences of events that happens. Like it makes sense. I get it.
Kat: It does. I mean there is some discrepancies between the two, but I think that's a, that was a pretty good 10 outta 10.
Ryley: Right.
Kat: I know you were saying it was hard to find ones with any interesting things in them.
Ryley: Yeah, this was the one that I was like, okay, that's you. That's interesting so.
Kat: That is a good one.
Ryley: So overall, what would you give this movie?
Kat: I, I would say like a six and a half outta 10.
Ryley: That's a good one. I could re-watch this movie. This movie is if you're not taking it seriously, really funny. [00:58:00]
Kat: And even though it is goofy, it's entertaining still outside of
Ryley: Still entertaining
Kat: Those parts. The acting's pretty good.
Ryley: Yeah. I liked it. I, I think a six is a, is an appropriate rating for this movie cuz it's not, it's not a seven.
Kat: No.
Ryley: It's entertaining.
Kat: Is there anything else you wanna mention before we?
Ryley: No, I feel like we said everything.
Kat: As you know horror film Marathon. So if you have any suggestions, DM us on Instagram at easy bake takes. You can suggest other kinds of movies too for the future. And if you have any, any other comments or memes that you wanna send us also at Easy Bake Takes on Instagram. We have a TikTok at Easy Bake Takes. Transcripts of the podcast are on easy Bake Takes podcast.com. And don't forget to rate, review and follow us wherever you listen. And thank you so much for listening. My name's Kat
Ryley: and I'm Ryley.
Kat: This has been Easy Bake Takes easy watching out there.
Ryley: Bye
Kat: bye.