This Is the Skin of a Killer, Bella (Twilight Movie Review)

The first part of Kat and Ryley's rewatch and review of the Twilight Saga. Join us as we point out relationship red flags to unpack our internalized misogyny,

Review Overview: The epitome of "if a movie entertains you, it did its job." The amount of hate this movie got was heinous, but it's heartwarming to see it get more and more love over the years.
We didn't enjoy it in the way it was intended, but we were thoroughly entertained. Even if you think this movie is cheesy, it finds a way to pull you in. You have to acknowledge that something can be cheesy and entertaining.
Sure, the acting isn't great, and Ms.Meyer's writing choices are a little questionable, but whatever, it is so fun to watch. The way relationships are portrayed is toxic, so everyone watching needs to know that Bella and Edwards are not a standard to aim for.
It is truly iconic and shaped us as a generation.
Kat: 4/5
Ryley: 5/5

kat 0:14

Hello and welcome to Easy Bake takes. I'm Kat

ryley 0:18

and I'm Ryley,

kat 0:19

what have what have you subjected me to this week?

ryley 0:22

So this one came on a whim. But I think it's if we don't do it now, we might not ever so I'm going to do it. We're going to. We're going to start with this series of Twilight.

kat 0:34

The Twilight Saga,

ryley 0:35

The Twilight Saga, and I'm going to be honest, growing up. I used to be one of those people was like, oh, Twilight's stupid Twilight's for dorks. You know? And now as an adult, I get it. Those movies are fucking hilarious.

kat 0:51

Yeah. Listen, we all had our moments of some sort of pick me behavior. And I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't, you know, I was, I was on the Kristen Stewart hate train to like it. I don't anymore. But like it was a big thing. We were all pick me’s about something.

ryley 1:11

That's the whole thing. Well, it's like one of those things where like, either you were made fun of for liking Twilight, or you weren't made fun of.

kat 1:19

And you were making fun of people.

ryley 1:21

And then you got to make fun of people for liking Twilight. That was just the thing. And you know what? Growing up, you know, growing up, those movies are funny. They're fun. I'm gonna be honest, I love the cinematography of it. I think the cinematography is very nice. They sell this little keychain that literally has the Twilight filter on it, and I want it desperately. I really want it really badly.

kat 1:49

And this movie came out when we were what, like nine or 10.

ryley 1:52

It came out in 2008. So yeah, we were young. We were little.

kat 1:56

I distinctly remember and I think I've told you this before. Serena had my mom used to this was went back before the is right before the housing market crash of '08 a little bit before that Twilight came out. So Serena had like this big birthday party. It was a masquerade ball with all of her classmates at our house. And they all had little masks on that my mom made for them. And all girls slept over. And the morning after that we all went to Tinseltown and watched Twilight.

ryley 2:29

That's awesome.

kat 2:31

But I woke up late so my mom just dropped them off. And then me and the Little Sisters of her friends went and saw Twilight afterwards.

Ryley 2:41

So you saw it twice?

kat 2:43

No, I didn't see it twice. I only saw it once.

Ryley 2:44

Okay, okay.

kat 2:46

But they had watched it. And then we went to the next showing to go see

Ryley 2:49

Yeah, that makes sense. Okay.

kat 2:50

And so my sister had told me about it like about Twilight, because like, she read the books. So she was like, she would tell me about all the characters and stuff. And she like, I liked Alice. Like she described Alice to me. And I was like, Oh my God, that she sounds so fucking cool. I love Alice. And as we passed by them, she was like, Alice dies, and then like walked away. Which doesn't happen in the first movie. Okay, she does not die in the first one.

Ryley 3:18

That's hilarious though for her being an older sibling.

Kat 3:18

That's just typical. Just her being a dick for no reason.

Ryley 3:24

A minute ago when you were like, This is right for the housing market crash Twilight. I'm like, are they linked?

kat 3:30

Oh, wait. Let me get this out of my system. Do you know about the domino effect from 911 to Twilight?

ryley 3:38

No.

kat 3:40

Okay, so 911 happens. Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance starts the band, My Chemical Romance because of just the atrocity of 911.

ryley 3:50

Okay.

kat 3:51

I could be getting some of this wrong. But this is the jest, Stephenie Meyer, My Chemical Romance music inspired Stephenie Meyer to write Twilight. And then Twilight inspired EL James to write the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.

ryley 4:08

That's, that's insane. I never heard that before. But thank you for telling me.

kat 4:13

Yes, I could. I couldn't not tell you.

ryley 4:15

I mean, we're on the topic. You got to talk about it.

kat 4:18

Yeah, it's the most pressing thing. But go on, give me some background about this lovely film.

ryley 4:25

First off, I just want to tell you like the ratings on rotten tomato like overall critics gave it 49% the audience give it 73% Which I think tells you that's a good movie, because critics take things too seriously. And the audience knows what good movies are.

kat 4:39

As we've as we've seen in the past,

ryley 4:41

yes.

kat 4:42

either they don't talk about anything wrong with it.

ryley 4:44

Yeah.

kat 4:44

Or they tear it to shreds about nothing. I'm interested to get into that.

ryley 4:51

So the movie is about high school student Bella Swan, played by Kristen Stewart. Always a bit of a misfit doesn't expect life to change much when she moves from sunny Arizona to rainy Washington state. Then she meets Edward Cullen, Robert Pattinson, who plays who is played by Robert Pattinson. A handsome a mysterious teen who's eyes seem to peer directly into your into her soul ever is a vampire who's family does not drink blood. And Bella, far from being friend enters into a dangerous romance, whether immortal soulmate,

kat 5:26

if you don't know what Twilight's about at this point. You're kind of late to the party.

ryley 5:30

You're so late to the party. This came out a what, a decade ago, more than a decade ago. This was in 2008.

kat 5:38

Twelve- no. 14 Oh my god, 14 years ago.

ryley 5:41

Are you kidding? Is it 14 years? Oh my god.

kat 5:44

Yeah, you're about to be 24

ryley 5:45

Oh my god its 14

kat 5:46

Yeah, you're about to be 24

ryley 5:48

Oh my god.

kat 5:49

it came out when we were like 10

ryley 5:50

Good God. Okay. Okay, so this movie was rated PG 13, which I always just found funny about ratings, because you never know. You just never know. The director is Catherine Hardwick. And the writer for the screenplay of the movie is Melissa Rosenberg. And of course, the writer of the books is Stephanie Meyers. And then the runtime is about two hours and one minute. But this is the thing about Twilight. It's one of those movies where it's okay, that its two hours and one minute.

kat 6:23

It's over before you know it.

ryley 6:25

It's over before you know and you don't get enough you want more. You want more of it.

kat 6:29

Yes. But the good thing about this is it's the first of five so

ryley 6:34

So you get more you do end up getting more but like it's it's one of those movies where it's the time, the time run is appropriate. And then we have a cast. Bella Swan is played by Kristen Stewart, Edward Cullen is played by Robert Pattinson. Charlie Swan is played by Billy Burke. Best character the series in my opinion. Alice is played by Ashley Greene. And I know she's a favorite.

kat 7:03

Yes, a lot of people love Alice.

ryley 7:05

Is she from anything else? I or just the character

kat 7:10

she was- She's been in other stuff, but nothing that seems super big.

ryley 7:20

I didn't like I just didn't know. I like that. I like the character Alice too. But Taylor Lautner plays Jacob, as you all know, or if you've seen any of the other movies, and I'm gonna stop there because it's a full cast. Everyone's great, of course.

kat 7:35

That's those are the big important ones in this movie.

ryley 7:38

Exactly. And there's Anna Kendrick as Jessica. I do have a few fun facts. So there's a there's a goof in the movie. In the book is clearly said that the colons never touched the food on their plates. The only time that they do eat is when Bella ask Edward if he can eat food, and he takes a bite takes a bite of pizza. Even so, in the movie, you can see Emmett eating the background of a cafeteria scene. As stated by Stephenie Meyer, they had to keep reshooting the scene because he kept accidentally eating and that would be me if I was acting, there's a plate of food set in front of me.

kat 8:15

Yes,

ryley 8:15

I would absolutely do that.

kat 8:17

Oh, I know. I know a goof that Tiktok pointed out from the movie. So, there's the scene where Bella is like pretending that she broke up with Edward and she's like running up to her room. You can see Edward standing like this, like up against the wall next to next to her door where he can be seen.

ryley 8:37

To me that is the funniest bit because I saw that immediately because he's just standing there. He's just it is so funny and then then they were reenacted on Tik Tok and the dude’s just standing there. I love that that's I don't think that's a goof. I think that is very, very important to the film

kat 8:54

I'd like to think that they didn't do that on purpose. I just want it to be funny like that

ryley 8:59

it makes it funnier that way I just think this movie in general is very funny cuz he's literally just there, Charlie definitely saw him, they locked eyes. What is your opinion about Twilight?

kat 9:10

Lot of thoughts. I've seen this movie over multiple different eras of my life. But as of right now how I feel about this movie, I think it's it's very all of them are very entertaining to watch to the point where it's like I think you might have done this with Austin too where like, Noah just randomly it was just like, Could we watch Twilight? Because he had never watched it.

ryley 9:32

We did that this summer because he had never seen I don't think he ever saw it.

kat 9:35

He got up to Eclipse and I think he fell asleep during Eclipse but he liked it enough to watch like the next ones. He still doesn't know the whole Jacob imprinting thing. He doesn't know what that means yet.

ryley 9:46

Okay.

kat 9:47

Because he won't let me tell him what it means. Like I think it's a very fun movie to watch. Like I regardless of whether you think it's good or not. I think it's a fun movie for many reasons. Hate the character of Jessica. She just seems like That friend that would say, I only hang out with guys because they're less drama. You know, like, she just gives off that kind of vibe for me. And I just I hate every time she talks. I'm like, Are you trying to be Bella's friend or not like, what are you doing?

ryley 10:14

Yeah.

kat 10:15

And then just a PSA. If you're if you're starting to date somebody, and they ever talk to you the way that Edward talks to Bella, get the fuck out of there. Like, I feel like they tried to make Mike the other dude that like had a crush on Bella. I feel like they tried to make him like seem really annoying, just so you would kind of forget about all the red flags that pop up every time Edward opens his fucking mouth. It's like, even whatever, even after it's revealed that he's a vampire. And like some of those red flags, you're like, Okay, you're a vampire. That's fine, whatever. You have all this explanation, when he's when she's like, Oh, I don't dance, like I can't dance. And he's like, you know, I can make you if I wanted to. And she's like, it. It's like, don't say that to someone you're trying to have a romantic relationship with it's not fucking funny, he seems it seems like just from what I picked up from watching it this time. And having been through relationships, since watching it for the first time. Everything that he says sounds like some red flag for someone being like, an abuser.

ryley 11:19

Well he stalks her and like watches her asleep.

kat 11:22

The- what he chooses to say to her, Is like you. You've been alive how long? You haven't? You haven't figured out how to talk to another human being

ryley 11:32

You don't know how to be nice?

kat 11:33

No, you don't.

ryley 11:35

It's it's one of those things where it's like, it's one like, it's one like, very few handful things you could seriously talk about this movie, because there was a critic. I don't think we're gonna get to them today. But they noted that don't let naive like children or young adults watch this or impressionable adults, or young adults watch this because they'll get the wrong idea about relationships I'm like, that's kind of a point.

kat 12:01

It's not it's not entirely wrong,

ryley 12:03

It's not a bad point to make, or at least just mentioned to them like, hey, you know, One not to talk to people that way, two don't let people talk to you that way.

kat 12:13

Yeah, don't let anyone talk to you that way. him you're, you're choosing him. You're choosing you're choosing this guy. Like I know it's Robert Pattinson. And he's like, hunky or whatever. But like, no, no,

ryley 12:26

Not this. Not this one.

kat 12:27

No, no. No, he thinks you're a baby. Like no.

ryley 12:31

Yeah.

kat 12:32

And then what's the other thing? Oh, I think that because you know, like people always dog on the acting in this movie. Especially with like Kristen Stewart. And Robert Pattinson. The only one of them that has proved to truly be a bad actor is Taylor Lautner.

ryley 12:46

Oh, that's absolutely true. That's 100% True.

kat 12:50

Another thing is like, you know, Twilight did a lot for like bringing back the vampire craze like, you know, like, it's definitely sparked it like it's definitely the reason that the show The Vampire Diaries became a thing. There's like this. Kristen Stewart who are just like in this movie, I don't know what it is about these fucking. They just sound like they're talking with their jaw clenched the whole time.

ryley 13:12

Literally. She talks through her teeth. In this movie. She talks. She talks like this, like her mouth open. she breathes with her mouth open. She's a mouth breather. Sorry. She is in this movie. She talks through her teeth. It's

kat 13:24

yeah, there's so the main character in The Vampire Diaries. Who's like the the love interest not a vampire to these vampires. Basically, just, you know, Twilight stuff. She talks the same exact way. And I feel like she they were like, Okay, well, you know, Twilight's really big right now. So like, go watch Twilight. You know how Kristen Stewart does it like, do something like that. And she took that to mean, just only move your lips when you're talking. Just only move your lips when you're talking.

ryley 13:51

That's literally what she does in the movie. And it can be hard to understand sometimes. It can be also very her face doesn't move.

kat 14:00

Yeah, and I think that's I think that's something that she doesn't do now as much like she's a little more expressive

ryley 14:07

She's worked on it.

kat 14:08

Yeah.

ryley 14:09

She definitely worked on it. Someone's told her to open her mouth like to speak.

kat 14:14

It's like she's, it's like she's got a ventriloquist dummy.

ryley 14:19

Yeah.

kat 14:19

And like she's trying to hide her lips moving or whatever. But also, it's like she's yelling a lot of the time in the movie. But her face never says yelling.

ryley 14:29

No, it's her mouths open to scream and but everything else is just there.

kat 14:37

And I'm excited to get to like the next movies for purely for the line where she's like, Jacob

ryley 14:45

I'm so excited like, because I've seen so many videos of people rewatching these movies and just finding the best clips from them.

kat 14:52

Yeah, did I send you the one with the guy who was like this? His girlfriend was making him watch Twilight not making him, they were watching Twilight together and it was his first time watching it and every time like he had a similar line of thought that I did when I was rewatching this where he was like, every time in the beginning, especially when Edward would talk to Bella. He's like, Get out of there like this dude sucks. Like he whenever she like trips, and he's like, can you at least walk right? Or whatever? He's like, what the hell? Like this dude sucks.

ryley 15:24

Oh my god. Okay, that's funny.

kat 15:29

Can you at least walk correctly or whatever the fuck he says to her. And then he immediately is like, I'm, I'm sorry that I'm being so rude to you. And then doesn't explain why he's being rude to her.

ryley 15:40

Because he's just a dick.

kat 15:42

He just hasn't eaten. Yeah. But anyway, well, we can we can move on to your thoughts on the movie.

ryley 15:52

I mean, I just generally, I think this movie is very fun to watch. It's one of those things where like, again, like and we talk about this every every show we've done. It's, we don't take movies so seriously, or to heart where like, even if it's horrible. We're not angry about it. And this is one of those movies where like, is it the best movie ever made? Maybe. But it's like one of those movies where it's clearly not Godfather level, but it is good. It's a fun, interesting movie to watch

kat 16:29

The Academy wasn't really on it's like on the edge of its seat with this one. You know it. It's one of those things. I think we've talked about this before where it's like, because you were talking about like how like we both were at one point on the Twilight hate train. And

ryley 16:43

yeah, of course, yeah.

kat 16:44

it's just that like, thing that people still do. Where it's like, you have to hate everything that teenage girls love. And it's like teenage girls are right about a lot of things. Twilight is a very fun movie to watch. Whether or not you like you don't don't take it fucking seriously. Like it's a teen romance fantasy movie. Like it's

ryley 17:01

It's PG 13 it's PG 13 It's a romantic romance fantasy movie. I don't know what you want from it. No, it's one of those things where like, the grown men that will write one star review novels on for these reviews. is like, I think you need to calm down and not watch movies that you know you won't like are not for you. And also like don't take it that seriously. It's not

kat 17:28

Yeah.

Ryley 17:28

It is literally not that serious.

kat 17:30

Because there are plenty of men who are willing to let go of that toxic masculinity shit and just watch Twilight and enjoy it. Both of our boyfriends were able to do that. So many people are just able to shed that like, oh, I can't watch this because I'm a guy. Kind of like attitude towards it. And like, I can't enjoy it because I'm a guy. It's so fun.

ryley 17:52

That's the whole thing you would enjoy so much more things want to stop taking that seriously, and also lose the pretentiousness about film. I'm sorry that like,

kat 18:01

Not everything has to be a big Academy Award winner.

ryley 18:04

It does not need to be and you holding it to that standard is silly. You holding a vampire PG 13 fantasy,

kat 18:14

young adult romance movie.

ryley 18:16

Whatever. Young adult movie you- First off, that's your first that's your first mistake. So don't do that. It's not that big of a deal.

kat 18:23

I'm excited to hear what these critics have to say about this movie.

ryley 18:26

Yes. So I'm gonna start with the first one. This article was written by Sarah McMullen, they wrote this November 5 2021. So this is very recently, just like just a few months ago, actually. And they revisited this movie, “Bella is the clumsy pathologically lip biting new girl in town. She's not like the other girls, which is why the cutest boy in school, the brooding Edward Cullen can't take his eyes off her. Except Edward and his four foster siblings conveniently paired in long term relationships, which is no crazier than the fact that they all look 35 are vampires. Hence all that dramatic glowering is because they are flexing their superior powers of self control. No human blood for these veggie vampires, the whole how moral they are, which is why it's totally okay forever to follow Bella and break into her room to watch her sleep at night. He doesn't need consent. It's for her own good and stalking is just for the mortals with a little help from the token Native American characters Bella. Bella learns,” that Edward- “what Edward it is, he makes her say it a declaration of everything good girls should not want any bounds up the mountain like a goat and exposes.”

kat 19:39

This is the skin of a killer Bella.

ryley 19:44

“Then he bounds up the mountain like a goat, okay and exposes itself to her in the sunlight. A sparkling showpony of vampiric perfection and I can't as someone who has loved the horror genre genre my whole life Twilight pains me.” That's your first mistake. This isn't a horror movies absolutely not horror movie.

kat 20:05

Vampires do not mean horror.

ryley 20:07

It does not this movie is clearly fantasy and romance. That's it maybe comedy and dramedy, but that's it.

kat 20:14

Have you ever passed by one of those silly little books in the like grocery store or like in your mom's room that like are fantasy romance novels? This is what that is. Except now people like to fantasize about vampires. Okay. It's no longer big Scottish men.

ryley 20:29

Yeah. Well, it's like one of the things like this came out, they wrote this article in 2021. This is clearly not a horror movie. I don't know what you're talking about. When they say when they said this. "So, Edward is a" again, big word

kat 20:45

sanctimonious?

ryley 20:47

"sanctimonious control freak with zero respect for his partners agency, used by the author Stephenie Meyer to preach at abstaining from the act of unifying their love is the only way to respect and protect Bella's soul. A task Edward should be responsible for." Okay. "Having sex slash lay him drink her blood is just a slippery slope to getting married slash turning her into a vampire for eternity. Spoiler, whoops, my bad." Okay, "seriously, though, twilight can be watched as a bit of fun. Just make sure any impressionable viewers know the importance of boundaries, communication, and respect and relationships." Which, okay, that's awesome. That's a good point to leave with.

kat 21:31

You know, you could consider that a negative review, but they still put in the fact that it's a fun movie to watch.

ryley 21:36

Yeah.

kat 21:36

And like, you know, they just, I feel like this was more for the fun of pointing out the absurdity of everything that happens to them.

ryley 21:43

Yeah.

kat 21:44

Kind of what I walked away with, like, I still love watching it.

ryley 21:47

Yeah.

kat 21:48

But like, what the fuck was Stephenie Meyer on?

ryley 21:52

Yeah, it's like, fun movie, but like it is, it's crazy.

kat 21:58

I agree, though, like, it's, it is important that if like a youngin watches this movie with you, that they know that that's not a healthy relationship. And that's not how- that's not- those aren't healthy boundaries. If a guy is stalking you, that does not mean that he deserves your time or affection,

ryley 22:16

But we're gonna move on to a good review. And this person went all out and they wrote this September 10 2021. So again, we have a very, it's a new article, and this one was ran by CJ Chu. Its critics at large. And this person wrote a novel not just to the first movie, but of all them. He's like ranking them, and it's very in depth, but I'm just gonna break it down to the parts I liked. "I confess, I too used to shoot freely on Twilight." Same "What started changing my mind is the excellent work of its two leads Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, and the work after Twilight, so never again together after their breakup." And that's a whole thing on itself to that we have forgotten.

kat 22:58

That was a PR relationship.

ryley 23:00

It definitely was. Yeah, "this and not my internalized misogyny against media embraced by teenage girls is the angle from which I have approached these films based on the four novels by Stephenie Meyer.' And they're, 'and they're fascinating.''

kat 23:13

That's so cute that they put that in there.

ryley 23:15

Yeah, like, I mean, he said it, I mean, which is nice if you acknowledge it, that's awesome. And now he loves them, apparently, like he gave him like good reviews, or like broken depth, like he watched all of them and broke them down. And, and I'm sorry, he wrote so much, but basically what he's saying is like how much he loves, like relationship, and how they show that in the movies between Edward and Bella, and he just really love like he loves how I guess those movies portrayed it. Basically what he says and then, just basically towards the end, the perfectly "this perfectly describes relationship of Bella and Edward and of Stewart and Pattinson too. Apparently the roots of the actors relationship were planted at their first meeting, when Twilight director Catherine Hardwick conducted a chemistry test by having them kiss in her home on her bed. Stewart was electrified. That's creepy. That's kind ofweird.

kat 24:08

Ew, also there's an- there's an- there's an interview with Robert Pattinson that I think he got in trouble with the production people for because he's like, talking about how Stephenie Meyer like Bella is her like she's Bella in like when she was writing this like she is Bella. And like, he was just like, that's it. He was trying not to say that it was a weird while, basically implying that it was weird.

ryley 24:36

Well, he has a whole feeling about the whole franchise and playing that character. "Steward was electrified" after the whole creepy thing. "Bella and Edward lack even that. When she first shows up mid semester at forks Senior High, she smells so appetizing to Edward, that his attempts to keep themselves in check make her think she repulses them. That's really funny too, because she just thinks she smells

kat 24:58

I was like, Okay, I was thinking that I was like, what if Twilight? Like everything was the same except they weren't vampires and Bella, they just were assholes about her stench.

ryley 25:07

I love that that was just me in high school just constantly worrying if I smelled.

kat 25:12

and all I could think of was the line from Rosalie, where like the when we're playing baseball, the other vampires show up. And Edwards like, take your hair down. It'll help mask your scent and Rosalie's like I could smell her across the field. Like that's not going to do anything. And I'm like, if this were just about like them being assholes about her scent

ryley 25:31

be so funny.

kat 25:32

It's funny to think about. Think about, they're just all dicks. This all mean, for no reason. And Alice is the only one that's like, Oh, she does smell good.

ryley 25:41

He goes on to say "the Cullens are quote unquote vegetarians who only hunt animals. Her annoyance at him, his playing coy to hide his vampire Hood and his straineous efforts not to devour her all somehow transmogrify into mutual romantic attraction. It's inexplicable. It's love."

kat 26:02

Interest. Interesting to call that

ryley 26:06

Yeah.

kat 26:07

Love. Interesting, interesting. Just you know, different. I hope. I hope this reviewer has some healthy relationships.

ryley 26:15

Yeah,

kat 26:15

in their life.

ryley 26:16

Yeah. He goes on to say "everyone else apart from these two is less than three dimensional," three dimensional. "Some, though are memorable, despite lacking dimension such as Carlyle, head of the Cullens and especially Aro head of the Volturi."

kat 26:30

No, it's in the I think the Volturi show up in the next one.

Ryley 26:33

Right, because he has all because of them, he talks about all of them.

Kat 26:36

It's Edward Cullen's day off and it New moon

ryley 26:40

Yeah, yeah, he's hardly in that one. Is he?

kat 26:43

Yeah, it's just Bella, most of its Bella screaming Edward and sitting in a chair while the camera spins around her.

ryley 26:50

"Ashley Greene also gives a lively if stereotypical performance as chipper clairvoyant, Older Sister Alice a 19 year old flapper in 1920 when she was turned. Oh, that makes sense.

kat 27:01

She's 19 Why are they making her go to school?

ryley 27:03

I don't know. Like, that's the weird part. That's my complaint about this movie is like, okay, Edward is like 108 years old. Why do they keep going back to high school? Because I get it?

kat 27:14

I think it's because legally, he's 17. So he has to be in school

ryley 27:19

Legallu, he's been he's 108 year old man. So I don't understand why they keep

kat 27:24

Why are they even on the record? Like, are you kidding me?

ryley 27:26

Like, I'm sorry. He they will they have like, where they go through though? Through his house and they have all the graduation degrees or caps or whatever. It's like,

kat 27:36

why did they?

ryley 27:36

Don't want to advance yourself? Here's the thing. There's like 12 year olds who go to college because they're so smart. You go to college.

kat 27:43

you could you could get away with looking because he does not like high schooler, he could get away with going to college, he could get away with- He could get away with going to college.

ryley 27:53

I don't know why they're trying to play high school with the 35 year olds. You know, like, it's, it's go to college, you want to get it if you if you're wanting to get an education, or at least like, you know, stimulate your brain in some way I get it. But like, I just don't understand that's part of the movie where I'm like, why?

kat 28:12

Who did this?

ryley 28:13

Who did this?

kat 28:14

That confuses me as well. Because literally just the fact that Alice is 19 years old, she doesn't legally have to be in school.

ryley 28:22

Yeah, she's 19. There's a really funny quote coming up. "And Billy Burke slips right into his role as the worried yet resigned father of a teenage girl going through some inordinately complicated stuff. On the flip side, Taylor Lautner gives a one note performance of what we would now call incel energy. The best I can say is that he acts exactly as immature as we would expect from a 16 year old boy, when first cast, playing 17 year old Jacob, everyone else is just kind of there. Sometimes, not even that. I was constantly forgetting the name of Esme, and Dr. Cullen's mate, as vampires call their spouse. One actor who surprisingly doesn't leave a strong impression is Anna Kendrick playing not as clever as she thinks, valedictorian Jessica" is like, like what you were saying.

kat 29:11

what irritates me with her as whenever Bella goes with her, and the other one can't think of her name to try on. prom dress. Oh, yeah. And she's like, Bella, what do you think of this one? And she's like, oh, yeah, that's pretty. She's like, well, you kind of said that about like all of them but okey. And I'm like, okay, maybe she doesn't give a shit. She just wants to hang out with you. The other thing I was gonna say is like how they mentioned Jacob kind of gives off like incel energy. Mike also. Mike also gives that energy off where whenever the part when he's like, Oh, so you're you're hanging around Edward Cullen now? I don't really like that. Like he straight up says I don't really like that. I'm not really a big fan of that. And it's like, Dude, she's obviously not really your friend. Because you've been trying to fuck her since she walked in the first day.

ryley 29:58

Yeah,

kat 29:58

like stopping and weird. Like you're being weird. You don't tell someone who's your friend that you don't like that they're dating somebody.

ryley 30:06

Yeah. Exactly.

kat 30:08

Like, well, in the in the vein of like, you've tried to pursue them romantically as well not like you can't tell your friends their their boyfriend sucks or something, you can do that totally.

ryley 30:16

Yeah.

kat 30:17

Like, acting like you have the right to be like, I don't really like that. I don't really like that you're doing that. And it's not with me.

ryley 30:25

Like, yeah, it's claiming someone this is supposed to be a positive review, but they're just kind of bringing up stuff that's kind of like I agree.

kat 30:32

I think it's like most of them. The rating doesn't really define whether or not they liked the movie, because most of them have been like, it's at least fun to watch. I mean, like

ryley 30:40

This person liked it.

kat 30:41

They're saying along the same lines of the things that like the last person said, where it was like they're still they're critiquing how the whole relationship and everything was set up. And like how everything is in the movie like on like a real world standpoint, but still acknowledge that they enjoyed watching it like it. This person just seems a little more enthusiastic about enjoying the movie.

ryley 31:04

But just to wrap this one up, this guy finishes off by saying "The Twilight Saga may not join the Criterion Collection anytime soon. But it's undeniable power lies in its commitment to the emotional core of Bella and Edward's romance. The main dead weight" of that relationship "on that relationship, ironically, is Meyer story. In that sense, Twilight itself is a better love story than Twilight, go figure." So I guess he wasn't a fan of the book.

kat 31:29

What I'm getting is the way that they were written in the movie is better than how they were written in the books.

ryley 31:35

I never read the book. So I can't I cannot.

kat 31:37

I wasn't allowed to.

ryley 31:38

Yeah, moving on. This person gave it two and a half hours stars out of four. Which isn't really that bad. It says it's a rotten but like, give it on its actual page. It says like a C plus, which I don't.

kat 31:54

That's over half.

ryley 31:55

That's passing. That's a passing grade. Yeah, this one gets a little weird at some point. So just hang in there was by Richard props, the independent critic.com

kat 32:05

Oh, Richard Propes. Yeah, he wrote a review on Easy A

Ryley 32:09

Yeah.

Kat 32:10

He's a really sweet reviewer.

ryley 32:12

He writes really like it's like a diary. And I don't mean that in a mean way. It's just it reads like his thoughts. And I actually really like that.

kat 32:19

It's a film diary more than it is like a- yeah.

ryley 32:23

but he starts off by saying, "I've been wondering, are you on Facebook? If you are think you've likely then you've likely experienced pieces of flair, a fun little application in which you send your friends small banner graphics with all sorts of messages ranging from the personal to the nonsensical to the political and the mundane. Amongst all these pieces of flair, it's possible to ignore virtually endless references to Edward Cullen. I found myself thinking, Who the heck is this Edward Cullen? Then along comes Twilight. I'm tempted to call Twilight the Freaks and Geeks for the current teen generation." I'm tempted. "I'm tempted. But in all honesty, I don't want to deal with the hate mail that would generate." is he like comparing the TV show to Twilight? Is that what he's saying?

kat 33:12

I think when Freaks and Geeks came out, it got a poor reception.

ryley 33:15

Okay.

kat 33:16

Because people were like, that's not what the 80s looks like that this show looks like the 70s. But it's like, people didn't have the money to just hop on every trend every time the decade rolled around.

ryley 33:25

And also like, it's not like 1980 rolled by and all sudden the fashion change. Like usually it takes

kat 33:30

And all the houses and everything.

ryley 33:31

It takes like the latter half of the decade to actually form itself into that decade.

kat 33:36

Yeah, it's the beginning of it was like a transitional. I don't know. Okay. But anyway, freaks and Freaks and Geeks. You know, it only lasted one season because it didn't do well.

ryley 33:46

Yeah, so he's kind of comparing that. "I haven't read the book. I won't read the book. I didn't hate the movie, but I simply refuse to give more than a modest recommendation." That's fair. I didn't read the book either. And I won't read the book either. "Twilight is stylishly created, as cinematically emo. It is content to exists for nearly the film's entire 122 minute running time, at that place that nearly every teen girls know where the first kiss is worth dying for. The first caress makes the earth standstill, and where love makes everything else irrelevant." I'm probably reading this wrong, but I don't understand.

kat 34:26

Oh, it exists. It exists at that place where like, you know, the first like love, like basically you get blinded by love when you're like a teenager,

ryley 34:36

"Twilight might actually get a recommendation from me. Were not for one simple insurmountable factor. perhaps owing to the film's awkwardly stilted dialogue. Kristen Stewart and Robert Patterson simply exhibit zilch in the way of chemistry. Despite Hardwick's scrase efforts mostly in the form of close ups and swooning cinematography, the scenes between Stewart and Pattinson are at best uninvolving and at worse laughably bad."

Kat 34:36

I would say that they're laughably bad because of how cheesy the like when he says, Come on spider monkey, you're telling me you weren'y laughing?

Ryley 35:02

I was. That's the whole thing. This movie is funny. I was like, that's just my point about this movie. It's funny, it's okay to laugh at it because it's bad in those ways that it’s so good. But I have some very interesting reviews from the audience members. A lot of these were like just awful men. It's a lot of people going this is stupid, only stupid girls like this. And there's one that we read about that just so we just so we get an idea of this of these types of people. This one's my favorite though, because we get inside of what we thought when we were kids. Four Star one, four out of 10 so they didn't really like it. "Sparkly vampires and one awful leading lady equals a film that's tough to watch. I'm about as far from the movies demographic as you can get. I’m no 12 year old girl." Okay, "but in the interest of vampires cinema, I forced myself to sit through this film, in the hope of somehow enjoying it. Of course, I was barely resulted by what I saw, which is nothing more than an angsty teen romance that tries and fails to be a hip vampire movie. Vampire movies have long contained simmering sexuality. Chris Lee positively exuded it in his Hammer outings. But the theme is reduced to a superficial level in this film, as vampire-ism is just yet another problem like acne and the in crowd that our young lovers have to deal with. The movies Poe Face efforts to tell the story seriously tell the story seriously. I mean, you want me to take sparkling vampire seriously, make it all the worse. The overly familiar plot never wants to attempt to bring anything new to the table. And the late stage introduction of the supposed villainous character is a real fail. The film's low point has to be the baseball set piece," which I completely disagree with it’s the best, "in which a family of vampire is either supernatural skills to be the opposing team. Cinema doesn't get much more embarrassingly bad than this." I so disagree. I think it's so good.

kat 37:06

What year was review from?

ryley 37:08

This is from 2011.

kat 37:11

Okay, interesting.

ryley 37:12

"Then again, if sullen teenage heroines with faces you want to slap (Kristen Stewart I'm talking about you) are your thing, and you have a penchant for spiky hair loners in white makeup, then by all means, give it a go. You never know you might even enjoy it, unlike me." So this was a very,

kat 37:33

I just like to point out that the only like, the only people who were like really took this seriously this movie were the young like teens and preteens who watched it when it came out. No one's no one else is anyone else who likes this movie now, even if they liked it then and they've rewatched it. They don't take it seriously anymore.

ryley 37:53

That's the whole point.

kat 37:54

Movies get so much more fun when you don't take them so serious

ryley 37:58

Them playing baseball is amazing. It's so funny. It's hilarious.

kat 38:03

Also, the it's either Emmett or Jasper, they do that cool thing where they flip the bat and they hit it with their hand and that ends up back in there the handle side, that's dope. I wanna do that.

ryley 38:12

Very cool. With those articles after reading those, so like people hate this movie, and there was one I read Guilty as charged sentence death 2021 So this is very recent in August.

kat 38:24

Lovely, lovely

ryley 38:26

"Teen girls love this movie because they are emotional wrecks- wrecks of hormones and stupidity." So right off the bat.

kat 38:35

Yeah, teenage girls are the stupid ones. Okay.

ryley 38:37

They're the stupid ones. "They wouldn't know again movie that smack them upside the head. This movie, written by an idiot who wanted to do something different with vampires and werewolves, is sacrilegious sacrilege to the idea of what vampires and werewolves really were supposed to represent."

kat 38:54

Is this dude, this dude is gatekeeping werewolves and vampires?

ryley 38:57

He's gatekeeping them because he thinks there's a certain idea what they're supposed to be and I guess Twilight did that wrong. I guess it's not right.

kat 39:05

Three female Ghostbusters the feminists are taking over. I'm an adult virgin.

ryley 39:11

I'm an adult virgin. No literally, this is what that dude is because my god.

kat 39:16

That's what it sounds like. Go on, though. Enlighten me.

ryley 39:19

"I'm sick of this BS about writers creating new things to fit their desires of expression." That's literally art dude

kat 39:26

Congrats reviewer you've defined art. Good job.

ryley 39:30

He apparently hates it. Okay.

kat 39:32

Like so if they don't if a piece of art is not of his liking, then it's BS. Okay, cool.

ryley 39:39

He sounds hypocritical because he's saying I'm sick of this BS about writers creating new things to fit the desires of expression. So you- I feel like he didn't think this through.

kat 39:50

We've all had some like ideology like that. At some point in our life. We've all been angsty teenagers in some way or we just were above something.

ryley 39:57

Yeah.

kat 39:58

like, you know, we were better than that. But like we didn't come to that idea on our own, we came to that idea because we saw other people making fun of things like that. We saw what the media was saying about stuff like this and like poking fun at it and making jokes out of it making light out of it and saying it was stupid. So we picked up on that and was like, Oh, well, if the adult males of the world hate it, maybe it's bad because I like stuff that adult males make, you know, maybe that maybe they're right. Like,

ryley 40:27

they're not they're usually not.

kat 40:28

They're not.

ryley 40:29

Most of the time they are not.

kat 40:31

If they're speaking out of pure misogyny. They're probably not right.

ryley 40:35

Which is what this one reads because he opens up by saying this movie is only for girls because of their hormones and stupidity. He just straight up called girls stupid like

kat 40:46

and that completely contrast the other review where the reviewer was like, I once I let go of that internalized misogyny, and I just watched the movies. I enjoyed them. I bought all of them like I own the movies. Now I enjoy watching them.

ryley 41:03

And he loves them. And that's why I just wanted to get that one out of the way because there's so many of them like that out there. Like it's ridiculous, but that's the one that just outright said teen girls are stupid. I was like, Okay, here's another one. It just says don't watch this. Okay. "The movie had horrible acting was so cheesy and had so many mistakes in it painful to watch." Okay, that's your opinion. Fair enough.

kat 41:28

Fair enough, bro. Fair enough. What year? Did you say what year?

ryley 41:33

This I always forget to say the year it is again 2021. There's so many recent reviews on the homeless. This one is a one star. The the title says goofy. It was in 2012. "I saw this on a dare when it came out. I had a friend who said I as a dude." There we go. "Would not have the guts to not only pay for the ticket, but also sit through this movie without a girl with me." So right off the bat. We're so brave of a grown ass man buying a movie ticket and watching a movie by himself.

kat 42:09

I hope to give you a complimentary cookie for that bravery.

ryley 42:11

No kidding. Also, as a parent, I'd be kind of weird if I just saw a lone man sitting in a movie theater at twilight with a bunch of- so here's the thing you don't look immasculine going to watching this movie. You look creepy. You look creepy. Yeah, you just kind of look creepy kind of seeing this movie alone? If I had to say anything.

kat 42:31

If you went with other people, you would look a lot less creepy. Just saying.

ryley 42:36

You could have just gone with another- I don't know, another dude would have made it better.

kat 42:40

That would have been fine. I think that would have been fine.

ryley 42:42

it makes it less creepy that it makes- you being alone.

kat 42:45

Maybe three

ryley 42:45

Three dudes

kat 42:46

Three.

ryley 42:46

That's That's it. That's a

kat 42:48

For like in this specific scenario that sounds less threatening.

ryley 42:52

It does. I don't know why it just does.

Kat 42:54

It seems like a group of friends.

Ryley 42:56

Yeah, exactly. Who are like oh, let's just gonna see this movie. Him going alone, it doesn't and I know he's writing this because he's like, as a dude, you don't have the guts to go see it alone. What? People are gonna make fun of you. Not in the way you think. We're making fun because you look creepy. Anyway.

kat 43:13

and and because you think it's a big deal.

ryley 43:16

Yeah, that's the other thing too. "Challenges are like ants to the soles of my shoes. I came I saw I sat to the end. So yes, I won but at what cost? Well, it's 90 minutes."

kat 43:26

It's not.

ryley 43:27

It's not 90 minutes. It's two hours. It's so-

kat 43:29

Oh so it felt short to you?

ryley 43:30

Yeah, he's Yeah, I don't know where he got that.

kat 43:33

Wrong.

ryley 43:34

So wrong and I hate it every time someone says this.

kat 43:38

So loud and so wrong.

ryley 43:39

So loud, so wrong. And I hate it when people say I could have like- well he says contributed something to society. What go sit at home and watch TV, like what are you talking about? What do you have done instead of see this movie? What were what were you going to contribute to society other than going to see this movie?

kat 43:55

You've you've made us regress by writing this review.

ryley 43:58

What a moron. "and I'll never get back. However, as Bella knows, we make our choices in life and that is that." Okay? "Twilight is as awkward and goofy in production as anything I've ever seen. Kristen Stewart this gen's Jennifer Love Hewitt, loves shaking your head around before and every line of dialogue. I was shaking my head before and after every line of dialogue too. Robert Patterson, I believe to have actual talent behind all that white powder on his face. But he phoned in his lines here, or at least it was on purpose for us to believe he was faking it all along."

kat 44:32

All I can think of right now is someone's sitting in a room. Maybe there's some other people in there but like Twilights on the TV, and he's just sitting there like reacting visibly. Just waiting for someone to notice that he's reacting visibly to it. And like hoping that someone will come over and talk to him about how he feels about Twilight.

ryley 44:52

Like it gets to the point where he's like audibly scoffing you know, he's going or like he's doing the hand thing. Yeah.

kat 44:59

yeah. Yeah, he's like, like pointing his whole hand at it

ryley 45:01

raising his hand

kat 45:04

he's like doing the ‘are you guys see in this shit face’ at people and like no one's paying attention to him but he just keeps doing it.

ryley 45:09

They’re all ike he's an asshole. "Twilight is essentially a story about about relationships." Okay, that's the first thing he said. I'm like, okay.

kat 45:15

it's just the rest of it.

ryley 45:16

And then he goes, "Ah, I'm giving it far too much credit already. In the end it's completely harmless. There's no mystery why the core story is so attractive for those seeking romantic escapism, you know, Twilight is so bad and so trashy, you sort of feel sorry for it. That's how bad relationships start."

kat 45:34

Okay, fair, fair. Okay. A lot of these just seem like they're sitting around waiting for another Alpha male to come read their review and be like, ‘hell yeah, brother. I agree. Women suck. And teen girls aren't allowed to like things. Blah, blah. It's go You're such an alpha. I agree. Awoo!’

ryley 45:53

oh, for the alpha male. Here's the thing. They have werewolves in this. We'll talk about alpha male. Y'all should like that.

kat 46:00

Maybe you would like New Moon better. It's a lot more about the werewolves

ryley 46:03

I should give it a watch. You might like it more.

kat 46:06

You might be surprised.

ryley 46:07

like you're a grown man. Did you really have to come on here and tell us that you hated a teenage romance movie? Did you have to do that?

kat 46:15

They sound like people who have not been like that sounds like somebody who has not been on the internet at all.

ryley 46:22

This one just starts off as- I want to read it. One star read in 2012. Again, I've been okay, just the name of this person is Austin Powers one.

kat 46:32

Okay, I didn't know that Austin Powers had an IMDB reviewing account.

ryley 46:37

Exactly, dash one. My honest opinion about Twilight. That's the title. "I know. I will be" ahead hon. It will be a "head hunted and wanted for dead now. But this is my honest opinion about Twilight." Is it because about your opinion or you just want it for different reasons?

kat 46:51

Maybe both?

ryley 46:52

Maybe both? I don't know. "Let's face it. Twilight is a new generation of youth films, sexy young vampires and werewolves having this special look and I sat down open minded and wanted to like it. Unfortunately, while watching I kept on thinking Harry Potter with vampires. Sorry girls.”

kat 47:09

where?

ryley 47:09

I don't understand that at all, there is nothing similar about Harry Potter and Twilight. Other than that there's young people in it. That's it.

kat 47:17

They weren't even directed at like the same audience.

ryley 47:20

No, they're all pale I know that. That's about it.

kat 47:24

I know British people are pale too but like that's kind of that's that's the closest it gets.

ryley 47:28

But they're not vampires.

kat 47:30

Yeah.

ryley 47:30

"All young people learning finding love killing the evil ones. The only positive thing I can say about Twilight is that it has damn good effects." The stories insults insulting "the story is insulting ordinary. The acting awful to the max and the chemistry between the actors non existing. I have absolutely no doubt that young teenage girls will fall in love with the drop dead gorgeous Robert Pattinson. I doubt that any other will find anything interesting about this all hyped up ordinary and highly overrated film."

kat 48:01

At the end of the day, dude, it's just companies trying to make money and they target things at a specific audience.

ryley 48:06

I think this person is just old. I think this is just a middle aged old dude.

kat 48:11

It's a crotchety person.

ryley 48:12

Okay, this title is fucking hilarious. This is a one star, written in 2008. So probably when it first came out. Abercrombie and Fitch vampires, which I love.

kat 48:21

Not completely wrong.

ryley 48:22

They're not wrong.

kat 48:24

Like the kind of- the movie kind of looks how it like how it feels to be in an Abercrombie and Fitch.

ryley 48:29

I'm not gonna read this one because it's a fucking essay, but I just love the title. I'm just gonna move on to a positive one to 10 out of 10 The title is get gets me every time, is written in 2020. "I love Twilight and the whole saga. I'm not ashamed of it because I personally think they are some of the best films. Every scene is captured beautifully. And the romance is compelling. The story flows naturally and made me excited the whole way through the acting definitely improves, but for what we're given," It's quite, "it's quite good. And I got some laughs out of it. Overall, I love this movie, and it's definitely worth your time." Aw, it's got some laughs. Who doesn't love some laughs?

kat 49:03

Yeah.

ryley 49:03

I just love people who just like very shortly like I like to say it's good.

kat 49:06

Similar to Juno, but I don't think we got as heated on this. In this one it was more so just like, learn how to have fun while you're watching a movie kind of thing for this one.

ryley 49:18

Yeah.

kat 49:19

And stop hating teenage girls for existing.

ryley 49:22

Exactly.

kat 49:23

My view of this movie hasn't really changed over the course of hearing these reviews personally.

ryley 49:28

Yeah, I still literally think the same.

kat 49:31

Yeah, like I still acknowledge that is not a good portrayal of a relationship like it's-

ryley 49:36

It has problematic things.

kat 49:37

Cheesy.

ryley 49:37

I address that

kat 49:38

Yeah, it's cheesy. Like it's the acting is not great, like, whatever. But it is so fun to watch.

ryley 49:45

It's fun.

kat 49:46

It is so fun. Especially just like you can watch this I literally when I was rewatching it I watched it alone and I had a great time.

ryley 49:53

It's just a funny movie.

kat 49:54

People who've never seen it before watching it. Love it

ryley 49:57

Oh my god they have such a good time.

kat 49:59

So I'm just gonna say I that Twilight for me just because of how much pure joy comes from watching these movies. I'm gonna give it a four out of five

ryley 50:06

I thought you were gonna say five out of five because I'm

kat 50:08

No

ryley 50:08

No. It's one of those things. It's one of those movies where I think it's just so much fun to watch. I literally you can just sit and enjoy it. It's not a big deal.

kat 50:20

The problematicness is part of the funny of it

ryley 50:23

Exactly, exactly, it's the things that you acknowledge and then laugh about it. Because it's it's pretty. It's right there. I don't know, a five out of five might be a lot. But out of comedy wise, it might be a five out of five. But I guess overall, four out of five. I think that's a that's a solid answer for this movie. I think that's a solid.

kat 50:44

That's That sounds reasonable to me. You know, if you've never watched the Twilight movies before, I highly recommend watching all of them. Don't take the movie seriously at all like some of the reviewers we've heard from. Take from our critiques of the movies, take from the critics, take from the audience members and just enjoy your time watching this movie because it really it really there's nothing else to do but have fun while watching it.

ryley 51:08

It's a movie. Enjoy it.

kat 51:09

Yeah. And thank you so much for listening. This has been Easy Bake takes, I'm Kat.

ryley 51:14

And I'm Ryley.

kat 51:15

Easy watching out there.

ryley 51:16

Bye

kat 51:17

Bye